Presented by / 2/20/2015 / No comments / ,

BELATED REVIEW OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

year: 2015 rating: *
At one point, when Christian Grey, a hot young millionaire with skeletons in the closet… actually, an entire roomful… has to fess up to his new girlfriend, Anastasia Steele, about what exactly makes him tick, he bursts out with: “I’m 50 Shades of f---ed up!”

Well there are way more than fifty flaws in this unintentionally hysterical howler, taking an already thin plotline and starving it into a porno film setup where the two leads quickly meet in an interview… she’s doing a paper on him… and then he’s following her to work, purchasing equipment to “use” later on… Or not so later on. Before we know what the big deal is about this mysteriously famous recluse, he’s already a jealous boyfriend showing her the ropes – literally!

The acting is perhaps the worst ever witnessed, and that's by someone who loves bad acting. With parents like Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, it’s a shock daughter Dakota has such dull chemistry with a camera lens. Even her "best" moments are like she's failing a screen test. In fact, every scene has a contrived, prompted aura. You can almost hear the reverberation of the director yelling “Action.”

Well there’s plenty of action, but even the controversial sex scenes, evolving into whips and chains and cuffs and other such devices, seem more like sealing the envelope for shocked young girls than pushing it for adults who savored the novels while their husbands were sleeping. Meanwhile, the lead actor, Jamie Dornan, is Brando compared to the headlight-stunned starlet, and yet he rarely stretches beyond a steel-chinned glare that, in trying to intimidate the girl he’s out to control, is like beating a dead horse... with no legs. OVERALL RANK: Jedi, Rebel, Droid, Sith, Bantha Fodder.
Share This Post :
Tags : ,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

All Time Popular

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM
Movie Reviews, Interviews & Retrospectives Thrust into an Eclectic Maze of Pop Culture

NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS

NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS
Includes Current Rentals/Streaming Video

FOR TELEVISION REVIEWS

FOR TELEVISION REVIEWS
From Rabbit Ear Television Movies to Cable

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

TOTAL HITS

Popular Trending

CINEMA BY JAMES M. TATE

CINEMA BY JAMES M. TATE
Cult Film Freak Email: SJDusk@msn.com

WEBSITE INFORMATION

WEBSITE INFORMATION
RANDOM QUOTE: "It's better than Goofy Golf!" Richard Dreyfuss, Close Encounters

Blog Archive

ETERNAL ART OF FILM NOIR

CINEMA OF THE SEVENTIES

THE SHORTLIST

FAVORITE MOTION PICTURES
1)THE MAN FROM LARAMIE 2)JAWS 3)LAURA 4)THE CROWDED SKY 5)THE FEARMAKERS 6)RAIDERS FROM
BENEATH THE SEA 7)ANATOMY OF A MURDER 8)JOURNEY INTO FEAR 9)HOT CARS 10)VIOLENT SATURDAY

SEVEN FAV ACTORS & DIRECTORS
1)DANA ANDREWS 2)JAMES CAGNEY 3)MARLON BRANDO 4)JACK NICHOLSON 5)TOM COURTENAY
6)PETER O'TOOLE 7)CHARLES BRONSON
1)RICHARD FLEISCHER 2)JACQUES TOURNEAR 3)STANLEY KUBRICK 4)ORSON WELLES 5)OTTO PREMINGER 6)STEVEN SPIELBERG 7)JOHN LANDIS

Popular This Month

OUR OWN CORNERSTONE

OUR OWN CORNERSTONE
Dana Andrews is the Patron Saint Around Here

WARNER ARCHIVES REVIEWS

Blogs of Interest

RETURN TO THE HOMEPAGE