ZACK SNYDER PRODUCES 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE

year: 2014 rating: **

First off, let’s get the complicated names out of the way – despite the franchise title being 300, there are really only three main characters worth mentioning…

Themistokles is a Greek warrior that catches the attention of evil Persian instigator, Artemisia, who has turned a mortal man into a god named Xerxes.

She manipulates her sinister creation like a puppet, and literally puts words into his mouth… the most important being “War” after which, like in the first venture, the immense Persian army sets off to destroy the scant underdogs – which should be a simple enough task, right?

Instead of a land ravaging epic, these more concise battles take place almost entirely at sea: The best parts have slender allied boats taking down the larger Persian ships with creative strategies, including sharpened, steely mastheads acting as oceanic Ben Hur chariots. And between the visually stunning bouts are long, dragging periods of dialogue on either side – imagine if boxing commentators spoke longer than the actual rounds.

The chemistry between Themistokles and Artemisia is intense and eventually, sexual… Meanwhile, our edgy hero manages to dart back and forth behind enemy lines with such ease, the scene-stealing lady loses potential as a formidable villain, giving the Geeks too much leeway, making their once laborious plight a fairly easy one.

And right when it seems the sword-splitting, blood-splattering action is just taking off, 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE begins winding down: Too bad there’s more flesh being massacred than there are fleshed-out characters to either root for, or against.

HAROLD RAMIS DIRECTS SEVERAL MICHAEL KEATONS IN MULTIPLICITY

year: 1997

rating: **1/2

In this Harold Ramis vehicle starring Michael Keaton, playing himself four times, we have a full blown reunion of the ANIMAL HOUSE writing staff… Which is impossible, since Douglas Kenney fell to his death in Hawaii over fifteen years prior… 

But Chris Miller, who wrote the original story and co-scripted MULTIPLICITY with hired hands Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandell, and whose real life college years were the inspiration for the 1978 frat classic, made sure his late friend got credit in that Keaton’s name is Doug Kinney... So with Ramis, Chris Miller and the DK moniker, this should be quite a toga party, right? 

Sorry, but we're dealing with grownups now... And with a grueling job as a frantic underling in an architect firm, and the father of a young son and neglected wife, Doug Kinney simply doesn’t have enough of himself to go around. Thus the setup to his busy treadmill existence is more involving than funny… Michael Keaton, after his ultra serious “I’m Batman” era and a few edgy roles including a one dimensional villain in PACIFIC HEIGHTS, doesn’t seem the comic natural anymore. At times it’s like he’s still in uptight drama mode… Which is where his human Xerox copies provide attempted potential for the once-witty actor to shine again.

Let’s get the farfetched, science-fiction plot out of the way, quickly, since the movie does that as well: Doug winds up meeting a scientist who clones humans, and winds up making Doug another Doug: an aggressive Alpha Male that winds up taking over his job while the real thing enjoys bungee jumping, going to the ball game, and learning how to sail.

Soon enough, still having to deal with the wife and kid, Doug gets another copy, who turns out a metrosexual homebody, thus providing the sloppy Alpha Male Oscar his own futsy Felix, both living secretly cramped inside a guest house… The only problem is that Nice Doug – who garners Keaton's best performance here, venturing outside his usual box – is so in touch with his feminine side that the real Doug's wife… played by GROUNDHOG DAY ingenue Andie MacDowell… is too cozy with this more sensitive man.

Side-characters, including Eugene Levy as a flaky construction foreman and a few office jerks, are necessary to the plot yet add very little... It's really about that one cloned guy: some of the best scenes have the three Dougs going back and forth, bickering over schedules and whatever else is thrown their way, including a sexed up co-worker who takes to Alpha Doug with lusty passion...

One restaurant scene, wherein the two Doug’s identities’ almost collide, is reminiscent of a THREE’S COMPANY episode: physical hijinks evolved around keeping a secret from the "straight" character. But dueling Keatons aside, the real star are the visuals: The special effects are impressive, far beyond the days when there had to be some kind of noticeable barrier between the twin actor or actress… In fact there are particular moments where the effects team shows off: like when Doug throws something that the other catches within the same frame, proving what can be accomplished with “modern” technology.

The late Harold Ramis as director moves the story along pretty well, but the main problem is there aren’t that many genuine laughs… Not even when a third Doug is created: a borderline brain-dead basket case providing Keaton a chance to get downright goofy. And while he does loosen up the more copies are created, he overreaches here, trying desperately to make up for lost humor.

Perhaps if a MR. MOM clone appeared, a guy who didn’t always need the right dialogue to be witty, there would be more to enjoy here: back then it took only one Michael Keaton to get the job done.

year: 2009 rating: **

Okay, so let's shoehorn in another Harold Ramis movie, and YEAR ONE was, sadly, his last directorial effort...

Judging by the title, this seems like a prehistoric caveman comedy and winds up a full blown Biblical satire centering on Neanderthals: the parody partakes on the Tree of Knowledge, Cain and Able, Abraham's sacrifice and Sodom & Gomorah.

The characters are like college slacker/virgin/losers who can't get girls or any respect, only with loin cloths instead of preppy shirts and pocket protectors. Jack Black is basically playing Jack Black without any really funny lines, and yet his blunt delivery sometimes works as he counters elfin-androgynous Michael Cera's Emo-passive, ultra-dry humor.

This is the polar opposite of a date flick: full of gorgeous babes, dorky dudes, and raunchy Apatow-inspired jokes. And while director Harold Ramis (providing a cameo as Cain's father) had pretty much lost his touch, believe it or not he'd done much worse (like STUART SAVES HIS FAMILY). But as bad as the story can be, the characters become so involved within this world, you can't help but be somewhat entertained by the spectacle. Perhaps the late director should be given credit for that miracle alone.

ARCHIVE REVIEWS OF THE 2014 OSCAR AWARD WINNERS

THE 2014 OSCARS was so toned down and visually unspectacular, it might as well be called The Oscars Unplugged...

Hosted by a very safe choice, Ellen DeGeneres, especially after Seth McFarland shocked audiences last year, she was actually witty and even risque at times... at least during the monologue. The most surprising moment was when she basically said... if 12 YEARS A SLAVE doesn't win, "you're all racists."

Meanwhile, sporadic bits where Ellen walks through the crowd, ordering pizza or taking cell phone "selfies" was a bit awkward and not very funny, but she carried it through confidently with her background as a standup comedienne, and the fact she's done this before.

Jim Carrey does Bruce Dern

The personal favorite highlights was Bill Murray, providing the award for Best Cinematography, saying at the last minute that he forgot one nominee, that being the late Harold Ramis for "CADDYSHACK, GHOSTBUSTERS and GROUNDHOG DAY." 

Another was Jim Carrey speaking to NEBRASKA nominated Bruce Dern with a hilarious imitation of Dern in his edgy 70's heyday. "Can't keep a good man down, can you son?" 

And the memorial was touching but somewhat rushed, showing cloudy images of deceased actors and directors ranging from Hal Needham Peter O'Toole to Paul Walker to Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Here is a list of films that are part of the big winners including BEST PICTURE, BEST DIRECTOR, BEST ACTOR AND ACTRESS, BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR AND ACTRESS, BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY, BEST ANIMATED FEATURE and BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY.

title: 12 YEARS A SLAVE year: 2013 cast: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender rating: **1/2

BEST PICTURE AND SUPPORTING ACTRESS Actually, the best thing about 12 YEARS A SLAVE is Chiwetel Ejiofor as Solomon Northup, a free man from New York who was abducted and sold into slavery... With limitless potential, the African American actor deserves this starring role. The worst thing is he’s mostly stuck providing stock reactions to other characters, ranging from beaten slaves to formidable slavers.

Director Steve McQueen (who should add a middle initial to separate him from the legendary actor) might have been influenced by Spielberg’s holocaust epic SCHINDLER’S LIST… There is already a score of comparisons between both films. What’s missing in 12 YEARS are the reasons and/or motivations for showing the atrocities other than being a true story about the infamous Antebellum South.

In LIST, Ralph Fiennes's Goeth commits random acts of unfathomable violence that are not only examples of Nazi rule, but cause the protagonists to counterbalance in a mental game of cat and mouse. All Northup’s left to do is witness the maniacal madness of Michael Fassbender’s sexually-driven plantation owner after surviving over-the-top henchman played by Paul Dano and Paul Giamatti. One good scene has Solomon outsmarting a bullying overseer, coming up with a more useful idea that winds up benefiting the plantation owner. But this is too soon followed by a prolonged and torturous beating that keeps the story dragging within an exploitative and limited storyline.

While it's ultimately moving and historically significant, and Ejiofor does have moments to rise above the increasing and unceasing torment, Solomon Northup's plight feels more like a single prolonged experience with various characters and locations than a multi-layered biopic for the audience to get completely lost in, making those grueling YEARS seem more like days.

title: BLUE JASMINE year: 2013 cast: Cate Blanchette, Sally Hawkins, Alec Baldwin rating: ***

BEST ACTRESS Anyone who's seen Woody Allen’s science-fiction comedy SLEEPER will know he’s a fan of, or completely aware of, A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE... But the scene where Woody Allen, Diane Keaton and John Beck imitate the DESIRE cast around a dinner table, set in the middle of a forest, isn’t exactly meant to be serious.

So forty years later, Allen revamps the classic film based on a Tennessee Williams play, with Blanche Dubois now channeled by Cate Blanchett as Jasmine, who, as we begin, rambles to perfect strangers and has to live in a low-rent apartment with her sister (both were adopted), Ginger.

Sally Hawkins is the Kim Hunter earthy girl saddled with two Marlon Brando types: a surprisingly serious (and dramatically competent) Andrew Dice Clay as Augie, Sally’s unlucky husband in the backstory and Bobby Cannavale as her blunt boyfriend in the present time, where most of the story takes place.

The flashbacks center on a high-class Jasmine, married to Alec Baldwin’s Hal, a multi-millionaire who, as told in the present story, turned out to be a womanizing thief. In this now-reality Jasmine has no money: popping pills with endless martinis, she must “lower” herself to exist among common human beings.

Blanchett does a good job as the main/title character, although during her sporadic self-mumbling breakdowns, the tone of the film, an entertaining drama with funny moments, feels awkward and stagy.

The best scenes have Jasmine trying to survive as a normal person, working menial jobs with the subliminal goal of finding a decent male companion. Although Allen provides a woman so oblivious, it’s difficult to tell if she’s someone to partially root for or completely pity. And a lot of the characters, including Sally and her swarthy companions, often seem like clichés, constantly repeating how much they do or don't have in the bank.

On a more grounded level is Peter Sarsgaard’s Dwight, the Karl Malden too-good-to-be-true nice guy, providing a beacon light for Jasmine but with a price… And that price is what BLUE JASMINE ultimately strives for…

With a performance more reminiscent of Gena Rowlands in A WOMAN UNDER THE INFLUENCE and/or Sally Kirkland in ANNA than the wonderfully overboard Vivian Leigh role, perhaps this could have made a much better underdog story than a class-based morality tale... Or maybe Cate Blanchett’s character deserved more of an arc than a treadmill, and the "kindness of strangers" wouldn't have hurt.

title: DALLAS BUYER'S CLUB year: 2013 cast: Matthew McConaughey, Jared Leto rating: *** 

BEST ACTOR AND SUPPORTING ACTOR Ron Woodruff, played by a shockingly thinned-down Matthew McConaughey, is a homophobic, rodeo riding, womanizing, boozing, drug-addict electrician, showing his true colors before receiving the diagnoses that he contracted HIV.

While playing cards with his red neck buddies, Ron’s heard griping about actor Rock Hudson, the first AIDS related death to put the fatal disease on the map. Here we learn, in a somewhat forced manner, what kind of person he is… or was. But THE DALLAS BUYERS CLUB truly succeeds at taking a trip to the mid-eighties, when AIDS was only linked to homosexuality.

Woodruff, basically given a thirty-day death sentence, goes from a bitter addict in denial to a maverick businessman forced to cope with the disease, selling a “cocktail” of vitamins and other drugs, acquired in Mexico, which were healthier and more successful than the government sponsored AZT.

On the forefront is Woodruff’s gritty, determined persona, initially street-dealing and eventually getting patients legitimately signed up for a program (the “Buyers Club”) to receive more helpful medication.

Too bad the film never fully discusses what transactions were legal or illegal at the time,  painting the DEA as a one-note villain as Woodruff becomes somewhat over-glorified, without having too many obstacles, blunting both his roguish intensity and the needed suspense of a story centered on taking big risks, worldwide. Meanwhile the friendship between Ron and his sympathetic doctor, played by Jennifer Garner, provides an essential bittersweet friendship (a non-romantic romance) remaining bland and peripheral.

Oscar buzz is already being thrown in McConaughey’s direction, but the dark horse candidate is Jared Leto’s cross-dressing Rayon, becoming Woodruff’s business partner, confidant and, ultimately, his gateway to understanding the lifestyle he once abhorred. In a sense, Rayon is liken to Tom Hanks’ character in PHILADELPHIA while Woodruff, surly and narrow-minded like Denzel Washington’s lawyer, eventually grows enlightened.

title: FROZEN year: 2013 voices: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff rating: ***1/2

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE The hills are alive… with the sound of… bland pop songs with corny lyrics describing what could easily be spoken, sung by characters who aren’t very interesting…

Well that’s what the casual viewer might think, at first, about FROZEN, a computer animated Disney musical about two sisters, one that happens to be an Ice Queen… Anyone not familiar with their chilly powers can revisit the first NARNIA film…

Although this particular snowy witch is good, deep down, only she can’t control her spells. Especially when her more normal, naïve sibling is old enough to not only engage the first guy she meets, but on the same day she meets him. That's when an extremely angry Elsa morphs the kingdom of Arendelle into eternal winter.

The adventure improves once the adventure actually begins. After an overlong, somewhat ponderous prologue, Anna, our tomboy black sheep heroine, journeys to find Elsa, holed up in a giant ice castle atop a mountain far enough away for a worthy trek… Here’s where the characters worth developing are introduced…

Having kept her charming fiancé at home, Anna is teamed with clumsy, sweet, subliminal love interest Kristoff who, with his pet reindeer Sven, interact like a frolicking version of Princess Leia, Han Solo and Chewbacca. But the scene-stealing comic relief is Josh Gad’s neurotic snowman Olaf, providing genuine laughs while bringing the group closer together.

There’s an exciting homage to KING KONG when Anna and Kristoff confront a formidable ice monster, summoned by Elsa, who yearns to remain a tortured, brooding recluse… Meanwhile, Anna’s slowly dying from her sister’s curse and only an act of true love can save her.

This perfectly melodramatic do-or-die element is both heartfelt and suspenseful, making FROZEN an above-average kid’s movie that… despite the irritatingly uncatchy songs and a cliché money-hungry villain (albeit he's surpassed by an unexpected, more sinister foe)… is a thoroughly fun ride to keep adults equally engaged.

title: GRAVITY year: 2013 cast: Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Ed Harris rating: ***

BEST DIRECTOR AND CINEMATOGRAPHY Being already 2013, it seems the critics praising GRAVITY as not only the best film of the year, but the greatest science-fiction movie of all time, desperately want something to finally surpass that famous odyssey of 2001. The comparison is mentioned in just about every review, and why not…

Both are epic-quality, beautifully filmed, visual ballets, and each has an astronaut flying helplessly into outer space. Only Gary Lockwood’s Frank Poole isn’t as lucky… that’s right, lucky… as Doctor Ryan Stone, who, played by Sandra Bullock, is such a timid and whiny novice you’ll wonder why she’s out there at all.

Thankfully, Ryan has a big brother type in the form of a confident George Clooney. His rambling Matt Kowalski seems like a hotshot pilot telling stories, until debris from a Russian Satellite sends Ryan adrift into space, and right up the orbital creek…

Here’s where Matt’s wry sarcasm morphs into a soulful, comforting tone not unlike a doctor’s voice during those few moments after anesthesia sets in. Both make a nice team, and perhaps the most intriguing part has the duo floating toward a Russian Satellite for safety, that is, until the next round of anticipated debris will return: malicious as hungry sharks in a stranded-at-sea adventure.

While capably taut, suspenseful and satisfying, GRAVITY feels more like an IMAX real-time roller coaster than a fleshed-out story, and yet it is character-driven, somewhat…

Bullock plays a likable, vulnerable heroine but the special-effects, making the audience feel like they, too, are stranded above the glimmering Earth, is really what your 3D ticket pays for.

title: HER year: 2013 cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams rating: **

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Back when THE TWILIGHT ZONE episode TO AGNES WITH LOVE showed antisocial, lust-burdened geek Wally Cox falling hard for his female-voiced computer, it probably seemed pretty bizarre since office-sized computers weren’t exactly a commodity...

Skip to the early eighties with the obscure movie ELECTRIC DREAMS: since PC's had barely taken off, it was downright extraordinary that a talking computer would behave in a humanly if diabolical fashion...

But the last twenty years with Internet chat rooms, social networks, dating websites and the navigating Siri herself, having a physically benign relationship via machine isn’t entirely farfetched. And in the near-future world, brought to life by writer/director Spike Jonze, it’s an all too normal occurrence.

Joaquin Phoenix plays Theodore, a lonely writer working at a job perfectly suited for quirky arthouse fare: writing actual letters for other people by speaking into a computer. But things happen after Theodore gets home. Brooding through a divorce, he downloads a brand new operating system, OS1, which includes the girl of his dreams, Samantha, a computer taking care of just about every task, voiced by a soothingly silky-toned Scarlett Johansson.

The setup is intriguing. Theodore and Samantha get to know each other as he ventures outside and, with a camera in his phone and hearing her voice from an earpiece, she can view the real world: from outdoor malls to beaches to the wilderness, Samantha experiences life while not only saying the right things things but singing and composing music to fit each location and mood.

An intriguing premise is hindered by the relationship seeming way too normal – to Theodore and just about everyone else. Since he admits outright to having a personal relationship with an OS, there’s no mystery or guilt involved with such a unique concept. Not only that but Phoenix, no stranger to intense/bizarre characters, isn’t given a chance to shine in his usual askew light. And the sappy, downright embarrassing scenes where Theodore and Samantha confess their mutual adoration is like overhearing a smitten couple whispering sweet nothings, making the audience a third wheel… which ultimately goes flat.

Perhaps if, like 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, Samantha got real dirty we’d have a relationship worth the experience. FATAL ATTRACTION goes viral would beat this searing hipster flick with more naval-gazing theme than plotline. Although there is one particular "baby alien" on Theodore's virtual realty game console that, like the sassy, foul-mouthed teddy bear TED, would have made a much more unpredictable, entertaining sidekick.

CHARLTON HESTON PRECEDES INDY JONES IN SECRET OF THE INCAS

year: 1954 rating: **

Harry Steele, a womanizing adventurer played by Charlton Heston, looks awfully familiar. With a worn brown leather jacket and a fedora hat, he’s a dead ringer for Harrison Ford’s iconic Indiana Jones... 

But wait… SECRET OF THE INCAS came out thirty years before the Steven Spielberg/George Lucas epic RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. That’s right, Indy’s not entirely original – although this isn’t a big surprise as the character’s an intentional composite of serial pulp heroes that Lucas grew up worshiping.

Enough of the improved copy, let’s center on Heston’s Steele, an American maverick abroad running a tour guide service as a front. He’s really into fortune hunting and happens upon a beautiful woman who needs a plane to escape from Peru. Harry can help her but he’s got a trick up his sleeve. But that’s nothing compared to his shady counterpart Ed Morgan, an old gruff heavyset con man who’s really an adversary – tailing Steele, he wants what his young rival’s after: an Incan treasure that, if found and returned to its mountainous Peruvian origin The Temple of the Sun, can renew the ancient civilization… or something.

There’s not much action other than one scene where Harry and Elena wind up stealing the plane. After landing, they take a long hike to the temple where the storyline, promising much, comes to nothing. Robert Young’s Stanley Moorehead is introduced: a gentleman who wants Elana’s hand in marriage. Only she’s fallen for the roguish Steele, who should be doing a lot more to live up to his adventurous ways.

Much of the time’s spent on an Indian woman crooning an irritating form of tribal scat to the gods – this while Harry, in the 11th hour, winds up in a cavern where… like the RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK’s Staff or Ra scene… places gems in the wall where a shaft of light lead to the next step. Only thing is – there’s no next step... The journey, which is anything but perilous, ends right there. And some more cult film trivia connections: he tribal chanting main theme is used in THE BIG LEBOWSKI after The Dude is drugged by Jackie Treehorn in his Malibu hideaway. And the costume designer for RAIDERS has admitted she used Harry Steele as an aesthetic template for Indy Jones.

Charlton Heston is Harry Steele in SECRET OF THE INCAS

Harry Steel doing something that will influence...

The Staff of Ra sequence in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

Charlton Heston looking very Indy

HAPPY DAYS mother Marion Ross

LIAM NEESON STARRING IN NON-STOP

year: 2014 rating: ***1/2

There’s an old movie about an airplane hijacking where the villain writes down a warning on the bathroom mirror, with lipstick… 

Well things have surely progressed... Using modern technology, smart phones are faster than the eye, or two eyes: belonging to our flawed hero, Liam Neeson’s air marshal, Bill Marks, who from the very first frame of NON-STOP, as he gets out of his car at the airport with an expression of disgust hearing planes soaring overhead… We know right off the bat this is no happy camper, and flying isn’t his cup of tea...

So by the time the plane’s in the air, and Bill begins getting threatening texts from someone on board, he’s already so high-strung it won’t take much to make him look guilty as sin. That’s how most of the film plays out, with Marks seeming like a hijacker while people are stealthily picked-off… as warned by the mystery texter… and our man has double duty of finding the killer and clearing his own maligned reputation.

It’s risky giving away too much, especially in a movie promoted as a high-octane action thriller, the likes of DIE HARD, AIR FORCE ONE or even SNAKES ON A PLANE, when it’s more of a slowburn mystery – and Neeson isn’t the only cog in the wheel. After getting to know several characters, including Julianne Moore as a friendly passenger, a helpful techie and a scene-stealing New York cop (Corey Stoll), you’ll want the plane to land safely, and not only because of a frightened little girl who, as set up from the very beginning, is the person we’re supposed to invest all our hope in.

The only downtime occurs whenever Neeson’s Marks has to figure out the next step – some maneuvers are cleverer than others. And after a while the falsely accused device gets  tiresome. Thankfully there’s an 11th hour threat that takes us past the paranoia. On the other hand, it’s a relief we didn’t have to bite our nails the entire ride, because an intriguing, fleshed-out, character-driven mystery is always the best time-filler, and NON-STOP is never boring.

DIRECTOR HAROLD RAMIS TOOK A BREEZY BREAK WITH CLUB PARADISE

title: CLUB PARADISE

year: 1986 rating: ***

Best known as the brainy third banana in GHOSTBUSTERS or Bill Murray’s reluctant sidekick in STRIPES, the late Harold Ramis was also a terrific comedy writer, co-scripting ANIMAL HOUSE, MEATBALLS, BACK TO SCHOOL, STRIPES and GHOSTBUSTERS, to name a few... And he was a successful and brilliant director, the man behind the camera for such quotable classics as CADDYSHACK and NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION... And later on, Ramis made a little noise with ANALYZE THIS and gained a younger audience for the BEDAZZLED remake. But this particular post will center on a Ramis vehicle from the mid-80's both maligned and neglected: a dark horse comedy that never quite made a splash, or even a puddle.  

CLUB PARADISE stars Robin Williams as Jack Moniker, a Chicago fireman injured in the line of… you guessed it… who goes into early retirement, residing within a small Caribbean island named St. Nicholas. It’s a strange premise and an even stranger side-cast including Jimmy Cliff as local musician Jimmy Reed, owner of a run down, tax burdened hotel, and Peter O’Toole... who around this time starred in a string of quirky light comedies including CREATOR, HIGH SPIRITS and MY FAVORITE YEAR... as Englishman Anthony Cloyden Hayes, who spends most of his time at the local pub.

Back to basics: Robin’s Moniker helps Jimmy renovate the hotel, and some of the more involving scenes are in montage form as our underdog hero, with the help of girlfriend Phillipa (Twiggy), turns this molehill into a slightly neater looking molehill that, through misleading ads centered stateside, resembles a luxurious haven (pre Photoshop, so they had to be creative), and thus the plot’s underway…

With an obvious attempt to tone down Robin Williams' frantic spontaneity, making him more of a leading man and less the clown, and with Cliff and O’Toole aside, this is an ensemble bringing together an assortment of Second City vets including Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty, and Andrea Martin  (the only one missing is John Candy, who was beachside in SUMMER RENTAL).

Moranis and Levy are the Cheech and Chong of the group although they can't seem to score: After two sexy tourists ask the boys for local ganja, the unlucky duo travel around the back-beaches, searching and searching in vain...

And after this "skit" plays out, Moranis winds up windsurfing, quickly getting caught up in a hurricane. While Levy connects with a shy Mary Gross, we sporadically cut to Moranis lost at sea: A dependable, reoccurring punch-line... Meanwhile Andrea Martin and her uptight husband, played by NEWHART grouch Steven Kampman, can’t catch a break inside their dingy room: Through this mundane couple we learn just how bad the hotel is. And Robin Williams, whilst battling local chieftain Adolf Caesar in a semi-serious subplot, has to run around making sure everything works perfectly: of course nothing does and predictable havoc ensues.

CLUB PARADISE is a prime example of a comedy film that’s more entertaining than is actually humorous. And getting past the SCTV alumni, it’s difficult attributing this particular vehicle to the Harold Ramis canon: Lacking the memorable one-liners of CADDYSHACK, the engaging adventure of VACATION or the delicious depth of GROUNDHOG DAY, perhaps the late "Buddha of Comedy" wanted to try something new, or to get a busman’s holiday, filming in the Caribbean instead of Chicago or New York... Like his main character, he could have needed a break from the routine…

Either way, this CLUB, while being far from PARADISE, isn't entirely shabby. Proving that even some of Harold's misfires were at least entertaining.

BROOKE SHIELDS IN ENDLESS LOVE & ENDLESS LOVE REMAKE

year: 1981 rating: **1/2

The first act of the original ENDLESS LOVE dares to ponder just how far liberalism should be stretched…

Not of the political nature, but parental, since Don Murray’s Hugh Butterfield and his quirky wife Ann are the kind of throwback hippie parents who not only allow their teens Jade and Keith to have a raging party, but they themselves join in, smoking pot and making out in the midst of everyone...

So it should be no shock, providing that kind of free-spirited influence, that their daughter, played by the already iconic Brooke Shields… a beautiful young actress who was, by this time, after PRETTY BABY and THE BLUE LAGOON, an old hat at pushing the exploitation envelope… It's no surprise when Jade hooks up with Keith’s handsome new friend, a middle-class kid brought into the bourgeois family like an orphaned pup…

Her steamy romance with Martin Hewitt’s David Axelrod is anything but subtle. The two have sex in the house after hours, and her parents know all about it – here's where the hook comes in: While mom (a sultry Shirley Knight), who has a noticeable crush on David, thinks the windswept affair is absolutely fine, dad begins questioning his own open-mindedness and thus hands down a strict edict: neither kid can see each other for thirty… long… days...

Long for David, but not Jade, who hangs around her high society friends and doesn’t seem that heartbroken. It’s during this time the most intriguing scenes take place in a movie far more creepy than romantic…

Highlighted by a famous Lionel Richie/Diana Ross duet, which is even sung by a female character in one scene, the standout track is Blondie’s death-disco shuffle HEART OF GLASS, playing in hypnotic rhythm while David stalks Jade’s party he's not allowed to join... And soon enough, with all his rage he goes legitimately crazy!   

At this point, ENDLESS LOVE morphs into a bizarre psychodrama as David spends time at a mental asylum, and Brooke Shields sporadically turns up in hallucinations. Those are probably her best moments, full of surreal, dreamy passion, surpassing an eventual forced dilemma to avoid David (who's really the main character) or embrace what he, not she, considers endless love but is more of a pathetic obsession... Imagine that title.

Unlike the cliché strictly-romantic remake, reviewed below, poor dad isn’t able to complain too much or for very long. And what a shame... he’s the only character who eventually makes any logical sense.

Years before lecturing Brooke on medicine,  Tom Cruise made a pre-fame cameo in her movie...

year: 2014 rating: **

If there were an Oscar for “Best Jerk Dad,” you could bet easy money on Bruce Greenwood as Hugh Butterfield, a successful surgeon and, most importantly, father of a gorgeous teenaged daughter who has fallen in love, and she can’t get up…

Well on the other side of the coin (or tracks) is a muscular, chisel-chinned guy named David who has, in dad’s opinion, extremely little to offer poor rich Jade Butterfield… 

In the lead female role, Gabriella Wilde is the perfect aesthetic match for Alex Pettyfer‘s David… Despite the class issues, both have just graduated from the same high school, and within seconds she’s instantly smitten, even though when her dad’s raking in dough at the hospital, David’s old man gets greasy as a mechanic (then again he owns the garage)... But this isn’t the John Hughes universe so money doesn’t really matter – at least not to the young folks.

ENDLESS LOVE is based on the novel adapted into a 1981 Brooke Shields movie that garnered an even more popular song (and is the third 80’s reboot on the same weekend along with ROBOCOP and ABOUT LAST NIGHT)… But this version holds its very own featherweight, guilty pleasure camp value and doesn't try to be anything more than fluff… With a slight edge...

Which is where dastardly Greenwood comes in, providing a constant, unapologetic bulwark to steamy young desire: From being blunt at the dinner table to Internet stalking to goading fist fights, the doc will do just about anything to get his daughter, who’s supposed to be interning at a hospital, away from this low-rent former valet driver… But the summer romance is hot and sizzling and their connection has gone way too deep… Or you can even all it endless…
 
The love story between the two leads is so quick, windswept and overtly sexually driven, there’s very little mystery and nothing to base the attraction on other than both being perfectly attractive… Imagining David's dreamy aspirations coming out of an ugly guy’s mouth would be like watching an action flick starring a 500 pound crippled blind man – and would a GQ stud waste his time on anyone besides a dainty supermodel? 

ENDLESS LOVE is so packaged for young girls, there’s nothing left for anyone else except how down and dirty “dear old dad” gets… With a forced Ken and Barbie romance; a wasted subplot about a dead older brother (straight out of FOOTLOOSE); a weak side cast including Jade’s dizzy mom and a black comic relief who’s not one bit funny; and several catastrophes tying loose ends together, it takes our desperate antagonist to not only shape things up, but to give this ENDLESS any shape at all…