JOHN GUILLERMAN DIRECTS DEATH ON THE NILE

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z9BKDgRswQ4/VMXPT4B1aiI/AAAAAAAAmXY/w4nKdGfVPIg/s1600/amsel_death_on_the_nile_poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z9BKDgRswQ4/VMXPT4B1aiI/AAAAAAAAmXY/w4nKdGfVPIg/s1600/amsel_death_on_the_nile_poster.jpg" width="143" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1978 rating: ***1/2</td></tr> </tbody></table> It’d be a crime to give too much away here, and reviewing a mystery takes a subtle approach. That being said, this is a thoroughly entertaining movie that builds suspense, is loaded with dry humor and best yet, gorgeous scenery of Africa: from the Nile to the pyramids to the camel-riding countryside.<br /> <br /> Director John Guillermin wields the right amount of finesse to show each character as not only possible suspects but folks you’d never trust in a contained setting. In this case a Ferry rolling down the Nile with a millionaire countess who’s just run off with her sister’s handsome boyfriend. Here’s a warning for anyone about to commit the <i>perfect murder</i>: make sure a world-renowned sleuth isn’t in your midst.<br /> <br /> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yI96FAerc0I/VMXQeZfqvrI/AAAAAAAAmXg/ZanyzdIIc2o/s1600/Picture%2B1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yI96FAerc0I/VMXQeZfqvrI/AAAAAAAAmXg/ZanyzdIIc2o/s1600/Picture%2B1.png" width="141" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Movie Artwork</td></tr> </tbody></table> Peter Ustinov is Hercule Poirot, the German… or make that Belgium... mastermind who, unassuming in looks and mannerisms, always seems to know what’s going on: even though the characters, and the audience, remain in the dark.<br /> <br /> Flashbacks to what the characters “could have” done during the murder establishes the passengers as worthy culprits. A miscast Mia Farrow, as the unglued sister, tries too hard while victim Lois Chiles and hubby Simon MacCorkindale fare better amongst the veteran actors including David Niven as Poirot’s right hand man, adding little to the proceedings but it’s nice having him and others including Bette Davis, George Kennedy, Jon Finch, Maggie Smith and Jack Warden around as the clues roll in.<br /> <br /> The story doesn’t end once we know the truth: a good half hour after the guilty party’s revealed we learn even more from the brilliant, tubby, underestimated Agatha Christie icon.<br /> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rt5YugyHD0Q/URW9L9ybgMI/AAAAAAAAWWM/AyHR7IE5B_Y/s1600/deathonthenilemiafarrow.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rt5YugyHD0Q/URW9L9ybgMI/AAAAAAAAWWM/AyHR7IE5B_Y/s640/deathonthenilemiafarrow.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Part of a Lobby Card for DEATH ON THE NILE</td></tr> </tbody></table>

bette davis, david niven, george kennedy, jack warden, john guillermin, jon finch, mia farrow, mystery, peter ustinov, seventies, suspense

JOHN GUILLERMAN DIRECTS DEATH ON THE NILE

1978 rating: ***1/2 It’d be a crime to give too much away here, and reviewing a mystery takes a subtle approach. That being said, this i...

ANNIE REVIEW HAS RELOCATED

<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HnfnLIRo8h0/UKAKumWXRlI/AAAAAAAAQ1c/sieYop2nPcE/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HnfnLIRo8h0/UKAKumWXRlI/AAAAAAAAQ1c/sieYop2nPcE/s640/1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2014/12/bottom-dollar-sorrow.html">ANNIE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME ALONG WITH THE NEW ANNIE REVIEW... SO CLICK</a></td></tr> </tbody></table> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QWX1s-zzTZY/UKAMrQ2hL8I/AAAAAAAAQ1k/mAKDfB3aR6M/s1600/Picture+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QWX1s-zzTZY/UKAMrQ2hL8I/AAAAAAAAQ1k/mAKDfB3aR6M/s640/Picture+1.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2014/12/bottom-dollar-sorrow.html">ANNIE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME ALONG WITH THE NEW ANNIE REVIEW... SO CLICK</a></td></tr> </tbody></table> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wsFds007HQc/T53H401-4VI/AAAAAAAAG9Q/bNqF6xcUjR8/s1600/Picture1-29-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wsFds007HQc/T53H401-4VI/AAAAAAAAG9Q/bNqF6xcUjR8/s640/Picture1-29-1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2014/12/bottom-dollar-sorrow.html">ANNIE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME ALONG WITH THE NEW ANNIE REVIEW... SO CLICK</a></td></tr> </tbody></table> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BLVpiMyJfZ8/T52RGJeVgFI/AAAAAAAAG84/JySxrMwybjQ/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BLVpiMyJfZ8/T52RGJeVgFI/AAAAAAAAG84/JySxrMwybjQ/s640/2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2014/12/bottom-dollar-sorrow.html">ANNIE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME ALONG WITH THE NEW ANNIE REVIEW... SO CLICK</a></td></tr> </tbody></table> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div>

aileen quinn, albert finney, comedy, depression-era, eighties, musical, tim curry

ANNIE REVIEW HAS RELOCATED

ANNIE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME ALONG WITH THE NEW ANNIE REVIEW... SO CLICK ANNIE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME ALONG WITH THE NEW ANNIE REVIEW... S...

EIGHT IS ENOUGH PILOT WITH MARK HAMILL

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b4jtBLLTokg/T5rn0NX3FDI/AAAAAAAAG04/pPl3x5WiGNc/s1600/markhamill2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b4jtBLLTokg/T5rn0NX3FDI/AAAAAAAAG04/pPl3x5WiGNc/s320/markhamill2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1977 cast: Dick Van Patten, Mark Hamill rating: ****</td></tr> </tbody></table> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The tragic death of actress Diana Hyland aside, her character Joan Bradford’s departure from EIGHT IS ENOUGH worked for the best. The iconic 1970’s hour-long "dramedy" begins with a bland pilot centering primarily on Tom Bradford, played by everyman Dick Van Patten, and wife Joan struggling to raise eight kids that remain peripheral during the show's kickoff.</span><br /> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tommy and Nancy are played by different actors, and Mark Hamill, the same year he’d become Luke Skywalker in the blockbuster STAR WARS, is the eldest son, David, who, fed up with the full house, moves out into a bachelor pad. Willie Aames becomes the troubled teenager Tommy in the episodes that follow, and we all remember the cute shaggy-haired youngest, Nicholas (Adam Rich), who's there from the start.</span><br /> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e6bVvwqydm4/UvGXYJo_gOI/AAAAAAAAczE/azBRxemUWeE/s1600/4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e6bVvwqydm4/UvGXYJo_gOI/AAAAAAAAczE/azBRxemUWeE/s640/4.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Diana Hyland, Mark Hamill and a Doobie Brothers album</td></tr> </tbody></table> Daughters include the tall gorgeous shallow blond Nancy; lovely young Elizabeth; wannabe actress Joanie; spontaneous tomboy Susan; and the oldest and wisest, Mary.<br /> <br /> Mark Hamill seemed too distant (perhaps he was set on fighting the Empire) and Grant Goodeve was the perfect replacement as the "alternate guardian" whenever dad dropped the ball. Which happened quite a bit.<br /> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Knbi3LNeV0/UvGXkyzov3I/AAAAAAAAczM/DmkT-higVpY/s1600/10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Knbi3LNeV0/UvGXkyzov3I/AAAAAAAAczM/DmkT-higVpY/s640/10.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perhaps this wasn't Mark Hamill, more suited for space movies, type of film</td></tr> </tbody></table> Tom Bradford, whose character became more overwhelmed and important without a wife around, made the kind of errors and misjudgments of an overwhelmed single father (mom's departure's not even regarded) up to his neck in precocious boys and spirited daughters.<br /> <br /> After four episodes dealing with “important progressive” topics like teenage pregnancy and women’s rights, we get down home with involving domestic situations: From being stood up to getting high to shoplifting to breaking windows to chasing dreams, EIGHT IS ENOUGH doesn't feel like watching a family but being part of their daily (and nightly) routine.<br /> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iBYlqoHWMeY/UvGX-nJJqaI/AAAAAAAAczU/f_Y0Q1JREks/s1600/r.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="442" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iBYlqoHWMeY/UvGX-nJJqaI/AAAAAAAAczU/f_Y0Q1JREks/s640/r.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Son, you should be out fighting the Empire... As for David, there will be another."</td></tr> </tbody></table>

betty buckley, dianne kay, dick van patten, mark hamill, seventies, TV

EIGHT IS ENOUGH PILOT WITH MARK HAMILL

1977 cast: Dick Van Patten, Mark Hamill rating: **** The tragic death of actress Diana Hyland aside, her character Joan Bradford’s dep...

THE ORIGINAL WAR OF THE WORLDS

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JwtbhU01S3c/T5l6o7KlNiI/AAAAAAAAGzk/lJMPqKvz0lg/s1600/waroftheworlds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JwtbhU01S3c/T5l6o7KlNiI/AAAAAAAAGzk/lJMPqKvz0lg/s320/waroftheworlds.jpg" width="220" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">year: 1953 rating: ***1/2</td></tr> </tbody></table> <span style="background-color: white;">Unlike the classic murky novel and doomy Steven Spielberg/Tom Cruise reboot, this 1950’s film based on the H.G. Wells tale about vicious Martians invading Earth has a constant light at the end of the tunnel: </span>That’s thanks to our hero, Dr. Forrester, played by the square-jawed Gene Barry, remaining stern and stalwart enough to remind the audience that, despite the odds, the good guys will eventually triumph.<br /> <br /> Ingénue Ann Robinson, as Sylvia, provides the right amount of breathy starry-eyed reaction. The best scene involves the duo hiding in a cottage while a metallic tentacle with multi-colored eyes enters like a serpent.<br /> <br /> Director Bryon Haskin wields spooky shadows to make up for what Spielberg over-saturated with overblown computer effects. But that doesn’t mean the monstrous aliens destroying towns with laser beams don’t look cool here, effectively establishing a world about to be pummeled to oblivion. Through use of expository narration and makeshift scientific dialogue, suspense builds with a “Six days they will have taken over the world” warning – but our story quickly ends with a memorable shot of Barry and Robinson clutching each other within a dusty church.<br /> <br /> This is an exciting and fun disaster flick that Spielberg grew up adoring – he’s used the character name “Sylvia” several times in homage of his favorite scream queen Robinson – but he could have learned something from it. No matter how bad things get, the audience should have at least a little hope. What’s the purpose of an inevitable victory if you don’t enjoy the struggle to get there?

action, based on literature, fifties, science-fiction

THE ORIGINAL WAR OF THE WORLDS

year: 1953 rating: ***1/2 Unlike the classic murky novel and doomy Steven Spielberg/Tom Cruise reboot, this 1950’s film based on the H...

THE LUCKY ONE

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EUhPUJQoTIk/T5gszVI_JxI/AAAAAAAAGx8/x4n1Q7bwoAM/s1600/efron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EUhPUJQoTIk/T5gszVI_JxI/AAAAAAAAGx8/x4n1Q7bwoAM/s320/efron.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <b>title:</b> THE LUCKY ONE<br /> <b>year:</b> 2012<br /> <b>cast:</b> Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling<br /> <b>rating:</b> **1/2 <br /> <br /> At the end of TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE, Tim Holt sets off for Texas to visit the wife of slain Bruce Bennett. This always seemed an intriguing premise. Years later... change wife to sister and you've got THE LUCKY ONE centering on a U.S. Marine in the Middle East who, on the battlefield, finds a picture of a beautiful blond that ends up saving his life – he picks it up just outside the perimeter where a bomb goes off. Once back home, suffering the aftereffects of war (ala flashback editing), he sets off with his German shepherd to find that special someone who was his “angel in hell.” Logan winds up in Louisiana and meets Beth, an assertive beauty running a dog shelter – more of a dream camp for wayward hounds. But she doesn’t trust this stranger one bit; those shiny blue eyes permeating within a stern elfin countenance just aren't enough. But this is one snag for our hero, who still can’t explain the reason for his visit. He soon meets Beth’s ex husband (and father of an utterly delightful son born of every mainstream film). Local cop Keith, the biggest jerk in history and as one-dimensional as they get, wants Logan out of town. And using every bully tactic in the book – including blackmail – he tries his best (or worst) to make that happen. But most of the film centers on Beth slowly defrosting to the mysterious stranger – inevitably leading to steamy generic sex scenes. Although chemistry between newly-buff Zac Efron and lithe damsel Taylor Schilling works best when they’re not getting along. And it’s Blythe Danner as Beth’s wise mother, providing sly input every time her daughter can’t make a decision, who grounds this chick flick that, while going on too long and resulting in a predictable conclusion, isn’t that bad. Guys forced to watch this with their girlfriends or wives are the real lucky ones; at least it ain't THE VOW or THE NOTEBOOK.

2012, blythe danner, romance, zac efron

THE LUCKY ONE

title: THE LUCKY ONE year: 2012 cast: Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling rating: **1/2 At the end of TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE, Tim H...

FIRST DOG

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aXnLYfpBVCg/T5Wx1-AMhoI/AAAAAAAAGtk/9qV2uGZYDM8/s1600/FIRST+DOG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aXnLYfpBVCg/T5Wx1-AMhoI/AAAAAAAAGtk/9qV2uGZYDM8/s640/FIRST+DOG.jpg" width="332" /></a></div> <b>title: </b>FIRST DOG<br /> <b>year: </b>2010<br /> <b>cast: </b>Eric Roberts, Tiny Lister, Little Bear<br /> <b>rating:</b> **<br /> <br /> Eric Roberts plays the type of Hollywood-created dream President that should never have to win a second term. With a lovely wife, a cute dog, and a public stance on Global Warming, who’ll dare to run against him? Now back to that FIRST DOG. Teddy, played by Little Bear, is a highly professional Blue Heeler owned and trained by the film’s director, Bryan Michael Stoller. Little Bear has the making of a real canine star – each expression is (or seems) heartfelt and personal, especially when, after an assignation attempt at his owner, he gets loose and is found by a melancholy foster child who can’t fit in anywhere. Danny, played by newcomer John-Paul Howard, finds a particular solace with the lost mutt. Both feel abandoned, accidentally or otherwise; but thankfully there’s a phone number on Teddy’s American Flag tag leading to The White House. After a failed attempt to call-in the recovery, Danny and Teddy hitchhike to Washington, making this a bonafide road movie. While some of the characters along the way, from bickering car-crashing teens to a dangerous gun-wielding white trash couple… And situations like our doggy hero almost getting a lethal injection at the pound… might not be suitable for really young children, perhaps a more logical target audience are pre-teens (or near pre-teens) young enough to learn something and not too old to shrug off a boy-and-his-dog tale. And adults can enjoy the suspense, which the director wields nicely. Tiny Lister’s working class truck driver is a friendly protagonist on the journey, Eric Robert’s wife Eliza is the kindhearted First Lady, and while you may yearn for more input from Teddy as a solo character with more obstacles to overcome alone, like any faithful best friend he’s always there, with a soulful glance and even a smile, to make Danny – and his quest for a home and purpose – really matter.

child actor, eliza roberts, eric roberts, little bear, road movie, tens, tiny lister

FIRST DOG

title: FIRST DOG year: 2010 cast: Eric Roberts, Tiny Lister, Little Bear rating: ** Eric Roberts plays the type of Hollywood-created...

WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z4r8yk8oOvo/T5HWUFjOf7I/AAAAAAAAGss/8DTHRIPivvM/s1600/MOOSEPORT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z4r8yk8oOvo/T5HWUFjOf7I/AAAAAAAAGss/8DTHRIPivvM/s1600/MOOSEPORT.jpg" /></a></div> <b>title:</b> WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT<br /> <b>year: </b>2004<br /> <b>cast:</b> Gene Hackman, Ray Romano<br /> <b>rating: </b>**1/2 <br /> <br /> While it’s depressing this light comedy – the first theatrical vehicle for sitcom star/comedian Ray Romano – might be Gene Hackman’s last movie (he’s been retired ever since), it’s not that bad. Romano plays an everyman plumber in the small snowy town of Mooseport, Maine. He has a girlfriend that wants more of his time. Maura Tierney provides the essential talent to keep the ever-loving-Ray, whose Kermit the Frog voice and mundane charm fares much better on television, propped up on the big screen. As does Gene Hackman, perfect for the role of a newly retired President of the United States, seeming both important and a “man of the people.” Cut to the plotline: Romano and Hackman both decide to run for mayor. The president has the edge but it’s a Catch-22: the media stalks his fledgling campaign with nationwide coverage. The best scenes involve Hackman and Romano trying to beat each other for the position. One needs to be funnier, the other more professional. And it’s easier to root for Hackman – he’s got more to loose while Ray seems a bit too contented in his breezy life. Except his girlfriend’s possible romance with the Prez gets under his skin, allowing him a little space to <i>perform</i>. And although you’ll see the turnout for miles – that is, who each character winds up with romantically – the actual election results has a few surprising twists. Not terrible, not great – and a weak swan song for a cinematic legend.

comedy, gene hackman, zeroes

WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT

title: WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT year: 2004 cast: Gene Hackman, Ray Romano rating: **1/2 While it’s depressing this light comedy – the...

BRAD DAVIS & SHARON STONE IN COLD STEEL

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AMtWdVlQs-I/VMTgBgxR1pI/AAAAAAAAmVQ/aeGY1HODY9Y/s1600/ColdSteel-BoxArt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AMtWdVlQs-I/VMTgBgxR1pI/AAAAAAAAmVQ/aeGY1HODY9Y/s320/ColdSteel-BoxArt.jpg" width="236" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1987 rating: ***1/2</td></tr> </tbody></table> Sometimes those unknown flicks that seem straight-to-video or befitting a light night cable channel can be very entertaining.<br /> <br /> Billed purely as a Sharon Stone vehicle since her career escalated in the nineties after her BASIC INSTINCT breakthrough, COLD STEEL is driven by Brad Davis as a cop whose friends and family are murdered around him.<br /> <br /> On the peripheral is Iceman, a villain living up to his name and the film's title. Much like any thug played by cinema-heavy Jonathan Banks, he's formidable, frightening and with a robotic voice-box in his throat, each pre-kill threat has a creepy and sinister vibe. As Davis and his comic-relief partner venture from one near-death situation to the next, the suspense builds nicely.<br /> <br /> <div style="text-align: right;"> </div> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QtoHdOnKTPw/VMTc9X1Qq2I/AAAAAAAAmU8/-VIaE-T9t04/s1600/coldsteel_640x360.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QtoHdOnKTPw/VMTc9X1Qq2I/AAAAAAAAmU8/-VIaE-T9t04/s200/coldsteel_640x360.jpg" width="183" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stone Cold Stone</td></tr> </tbody></table> One car chase in particular, starting on the streets and winding up in the middle of a stock car race, is just as good as any big venue mainstream action flick. And who’s he chasing?<br /> <br /> None other than 80's music staple Adam Ant as Iceman’s hyperactive limey partner – providing a terrific balance of overboard zany and lethal menace.<br /> <br /> "I feel bigger with a trigger," Ant's Mick says at one point. And last but not least our DVD cover girl Sharon Stone, whose gorgeous blond ingenue enters our hero’s life so breezily you’ll know there's something  under her sleeve. Okay fine, so it’s not THE FRENCH CONNECTION, but for an unknown underdog cop thriller, this has bite.

action, adam ant, brad davis, cop, eighties, jonathan banks, sharon stone

BRAD DAVIS & SHARON STONE IN COLD STEEL

1987 rating: ***1/2 Sometimes those unknown flicks that seem straight-to-video or befitting a light night cable channel can be very ente...

CATWOMAN

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EWDaC-R0IZ0/T42wqlkQiDI/AAAAAAAAGkU/h11MxkmibD0/s1600/Halle_Berry_Catwoman_HQ_011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="552" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EWDaC-R0IZ0/T42wqlkQiDI/AAAAAAAAGkU/h11MxkmibD0/s640/Halle_Berry_Catwoman_HQ_011.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>year:</b> 2004 <b>cast:</b> Halle Berry, Sharon Stone<b> rating:</b> **<b> camp value: </b>****</td></tr> </tbody></table> <br /> <br /> “I’m a woman; I’m used to doing all kinds of things I don’t wanna do.” Although Sharon Stone’s prancing villain speaks these ironic words, perhaps actress Halle Berry should have. This is an awful movie loaded with unintentional hilarity. Berry plays Patience Philips, a different kind of comic book loser than we’re used to. Meek, humble, totally gorgeous and scared of her own shadow, Philips is lured to her apartment ledge to save a cat. She’s rescued by gallant cop who sees instant potential in this distressed damsel – perhaps it’s her supermodel appearance. Cut to the important stuff: Patience, an underling at a cosmetics corporation headed by Sharon Stone and her husband... distributing non-aging makeup with bad long-term effects... takes a package to the factory and, for no apparent reason, is hunted and killed by goons. Now her life, or um, death changes everything. Revived by the same feline that’d lured her to the edge, Patience becomes Catwoman: a lithe vixen climbing walls and leaping around at will. Whenever Berry provides her feline traits – like hissing in the face of adversaries or sensuously purring dialog – the film goes from vapid to pure camp cinema. In fact this entire adaptation of the Batman heroine, with horrendously corny dialog and limp action sequences pumped by a techno/R&B soundtrack, constantly reminds us we’re <i>not supposed</i> to laugh. Making CATWOMAN an iconic howler the likes of SHOWGIRLS and any other guilty pleasure.

action, comic book, halle berry, sharon stone, zeroes

CATWOMAN

year: 2004 cast: Halle Berry, Sharon Stone rating: ** camp value: **** “I’m a woman; I’m used to doing all kinds of things I don’...

GUY PEARCE & MAGGIE GRACE IN A FIMLILAR 'LOCKOUT'

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2emmOSb287c/T45ltzfXYiI/AAAAAAAAGkc/TGnbgi6ImRU/s1600/Guy-Pearce-and-Maggie-Grace-in-Lockout-2012-Movie-Image1-600x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2emmOSb287c/T45ltzfXYiI/AAAAAAAAGkc/TGnbgi6ImRU/s320/Guy-Pearce-and-Maggie-Grace-in-Lockout-2012-Movie-Image1-600x400.jpg" width="278" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">year: 2012 rating: ***</td></tr> </tbody></table> Buried remake of John Carpenter’s ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, the sci-fi classic about a rogue prisoner given a dangerous assignment to rescue the President of the United States, held hostage at a prison ruled by lethal inmates. That prison was of course a futuristic New York City and here it’s a giant spaceship floating above earth. And the President’s daughter is taken this time around.<br /> <br /> That’s about all the similarities other than the main character Snow who, like Kurt Russell’s Snake Plisskin, is a hardened tough guy but with a personality more Don Rickles than Clint Eastwood... <br /> <br /> Cracking wise at any given moment, whether during an interrogation beating or fighting for his life against the lunatic inmates, Guy Pearce makes a likable antihero but his jokes aren't that funny. And much too plentiful. Then again so is the action, making up for a clichéd “rescue the damsel” script: and his co-star's no slouch. LOST actress Maggie Grace plays the captured ingénue with prowess and strength, providing decent chemistry with Pearce – even if their bickering, in the style of Han Solo and Princess Leia, can get forced and repetitive. At a short running time, LOCKOUT goes in one eye and out the other – and that’s not a bad thing. The suspense mounts till the very end when the film’s McGuffin (an important plot device that the audience ignores), a briefcase that can prove Snow's innocence, means little after all the good stuff i.e. mindlessly enjoyable action is put to bed.

2012, action, guy pearce, maggie grace, science

GUY PEARCE & MAGGIE GRACE IN A FIMLILAR 'LOCKOUT'

year: 2012 rating: *** Buried remake of John Carpenter’s ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, the sci-fi classic about a rogue prisoner given a dangero...

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4GPtmijnMWc/T4pUPxosC1I/AAAAAAAAGjI/cOr5Kb_3Fuw/s1600/scary-cabin-in-the-woods.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4GPtmijnMWc/T4pUPxosC1I/AAAAAAAAGjI/cOr5Kb_3Fuw/s320/scary-cabin-in-the-woods.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">year: 2012 rating: ***</td></tr> </tbody></table> Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “Talent may frolic and juggle; genius realizes and adds.” And while this dark comedy/partial satire on horror flicks isn’t completely on the genius level, director Drew Goddard and producer Joss Whedon definitely <i>add </i>to the young-people-in-the-woods slasher/horror genre.<br /> <br /> The doomed youth consist of the standard ingredients: the virgin girl; the slutty girl; the jock dude; the nice dude; and the comic relief stoner. They venture to a woodsy cabin, watched by something other than crazy hillbillies. A group of "businessman" view the entire trip on high-tech monitors as the youngsters inadvertently follow the slasher elements: happening upon a device that awakens the particular “beasts” that try killing them off.<br /> <br /> Meanwhile, the office people – more down to earth than creepy or sinister – are having a betting pool party of it. These include Bradley Whitford, who’s made a career playing conceited weenies since REVENGE OF THE NERDS II, and Oscar nominated actor Richard Jenkins, both funny as the adults we cut back and forth to. And in fear of giving too much away, the movie has worthwhile humor, effective chills, and interesting characters to invest in: especially the sole survivor (or <i>survivors</i>) of the first two acts.<br /> <br /> It's during the fast-paced final thirty minutes, as multiple nightmares are unleashed on climactic levels, you’ll either get with the program or wonder if the writers took themselves, and their beloved body count genre, far too seriously. Either way – this<i> is</i> an experience: It's up to you to decide exactly what kind.

2012, chris hemsworth, horror, kristin connolly, suspense

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

year: 2012 rating: *** Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “Talent may frolic and juggle; genius realizes and adds.” And while this dark comedy/p...

REVAMP OF THE THREE STOOGES

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Fa-Ptr1D0Y/T4kFmbpfUGI/AAAAAAAAGf0/YDn702hp0K4/s1600/Sean-Hayes-Chris-Diamantopoulos-and-Will-Sasso-in-The-Three-Stooges-2012-Movie-Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="171" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Fa-Ptr1D0Y/T4kFmbpfUGI/AAAAAAAAGf0/YDn702hp0K4/s200/Sean-Hayes-Chris-Diamantopoulos-and-Will-Sasso-in-The-Three-Stooges-2012-Movie-Image.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>year:</b> 2012 <b>c</b><b>rating:</b> ***</td></tr> </tbody></table> Taking the main plot straight from THE BLUES BROTHERS, our titular heroes, born and raised in a Catholic orphanage, head out to the big city to collect money to save their home. But that’s skipping ahead.<br /> <br /> Beginning with the Stooges as infants and cutting ten years later, things start a bit shaky. The child actors provide an intentional imitation die hard fans pray won’t occur once the boys grow up. But not to worry; these Stooges do alright. When not performing the patented slapdash stunts – including the fingers in the eyes and the hollow konk on the head – the talents of Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe, Sean Hayes as Larry, and Will Sasso as Curly shine through.<br /> <br /> Moe has the best expressions, Larry does the closest imitation of the original voice, and Curly provides the funniest one-liners. Sight gags are fast and furious in the style of AIRPLANE and there's an interesting plot-point: Hired to kill the rich husband of a villainous bombshell, whose shady lover/partner suffers the Wile E. Coyote syndrome of near death pratfalls, the Stooges silly antics have purpose. Set up in three acts with title cards and a quick running time, the abundant slapstick never gets tiresome. Thankfully, this THREE STOOGES isn’t the Farrelly Brothers upgrading to the “toilet humor” of the modern comedy. You can take your kids along – and there’s even a strange “Don’t Try This At Home” segment during the end credits. And hopefully they don’t try a sequel. It was played safe here and succeeded, but let’s not push it, fellas.

2012, comedy

REVAMP OF THE THREE STOOGES

year: 2012 c rating: *** Taking the main plot straight from THE BLUES BROTHERS, our titular heroes, born and raised in a Catholic orph...

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A5902LNIE_o/T4dd4o-NFNI/AAAAAAAAGe0/Ex76QKeokOo/s1600/no+strings+attached+movie+natalie+portman.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A5902LNIE_o/T4dd4o-NFNI/AAAAAAAAGe0/Ex76QKeokOo/s320/no+strings+attached+movie+natalie+portman.JPG" width="320" /></a></div> <b>title:</b> NO STRINGS ATTACHED<br /> <b>year:</b> 2011<br /> <b>cast:</b> Ashton Kutcher, Natalie Portman<br /> <b>rating:</b> **<br /> <br /> Remember when the Vietnam drama PLATOON came out and there was FULL METAL JACKET to counter it? Or ARMAGEDDON dealing with a giant Earthbound meteor shadowed by DEEP IMPACT? While the subject of friends having sex without consequence isn't quite in the same league as battles and asteroids, there's a lot to be said for this Cinema Siamese Twin syndrome. Like the Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, a movie that not only adheres to the plotline but is named after it, NO STRINGS ATTACHED takes a much different approach. Not really about two people trying to remain friends through random sexual encounters, this deals with a troubled girl who can't commit and the sappy dude who wants what he can't have. Directed by comedy veteran Ivan Reitman, the only resemblance to his past work is that it begins at summer camp. But this ain't no MEATBALLS, GHOSTBUSTERS, or even KINDERGARTEN COP for that matter. The plot meanders from one dull situation to the next, resulting in an abundance of navel-gazing by a sulky Kutcher who, the son of a famous actor, wants to make a name for himself scriptwriting a show that makes GLEE seem creative. Natalie Portman tries her best but has so many quirks, she's not a person to root for. Making a handsome millionaire a more relatable character. Although the first half has potential... the duo's chemistry isn't all bad... the deeper Kutcher falls in love, the worse things get for himself and the audience.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

title: NO STRINGS ATTACHED year: 2011 cast: Ashton Kutcher, Natalie Portman rating: ** Remember when the Vietnam drama PLATOON ca...

THE SWITCH

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Kh6AyrnZeYI/T4bh8EPts9I/AAAAAAAAGcU/V-MOhpoC_50/s1600/The-Switch-Trailer-17-3-10-kc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Kh6AyrnZeYI/T4bh8EPts9I/AAAAAAAAGcU/V-MOhpoC_50/s320/The-Switch-Trailer-17-3-10-kc.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <b>title:</b> THE SWITCH<br /> <b>year:</b> 2010<br /> <b>cast:</b> Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston<br /> <b>rating: </b>**<br /> <br /> For a Romantic Comedy, THE SWITCH lacks humor and is about as romantic as sleet on a windshield. Jason Bateman is a nice guy in love with Jennifer Aniston, his best friend who really wants a baby. She winds up finding Mr. Right, a married doctor with blue eyes and a great future, who donates sperm – and she throws a party for the occasion! This makes Bateman really sad and what’s a heartbroken guy to do but get drunk. He winds up in her bathroom where the doctor’s “loaded cup” rests on the sink. He causes it to spill and... being flustered and intoxicated… replaces the contents with his own. Skip a few years later: Aniston has a brooding son who takes life way too seriously. with more hang-ups than even the most neurotic adults. Most of the film has Bateman hanging out with the kid and slowly realizing it might be his own – a double insult since both characters aren't very likable. Meanwhile Aniston, taking a back seat throughout, has decided to marry the donor doc, now divorced and ready to raise his son to be an athletic optimist like himself. There’s decent chemistry between Bateman and Aniston as friends in a dilemma (even though she doesn’t realize it yet), but when the kid enters the picture, everything goes to pot.  He’s just too annoying to care about. And the predictable resolution is not only a much too easy out for Bateman’s original deception, but makes Aniston’s character look vapid and weak.

THE SWITCH

title: THE SWITCH year: 2010 cast: Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston rating: ** For a Romantic Comedy, THE SWITCH lacks humor and is...

FANTASTIC MR. FOX

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LvYCDR9S164/T4XGc4WF2KI/AAAAAAAAGVg/z3FME9dMqcM/s1600/foxy1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LvYCDR9S164/T4XGc4WF2KI/AAAAAAAAGVg/z3FME9dMqcM/s320/foxy1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Clooney does the Fox</td></tr> </tbody></table> title: FANTASTIC MR. FOX<br /> year: 2012<br /> cast: George Clooney<br /> rating: **1/2<br /> <br /> Having grown up with the Rankin/Bass stop-motion animation, there’s an energetic dreamlike quality that brings back FANTASTIC memories when watching MR. FOX. Based on the book by Ronald Dahl, this unique fable centers on a classy group of human like animals who forget they’re wild beasts. Except Fox, a dapper "family man" who can’t exist without exerting his true nature of stealing chickens from locals – three big farm/corporations owned by greedy cutthroat jerks. The best scenes have Fox on stealthily missions with his dimwitted opossum sidekick: bringing chicken dinners home to his wife, teenage son and visiting nephew. George Clooney’s deadpan voice fits the character well enough; he doesn't falter when his wife (voiced by Meryl Streep) starts figuring the content of his moonlit excursions. It’s too bad the evil farmers also catch wind of Fox, making the last half a bit ponderous. When the bad guys move in, Fox Family and Friends tunnel into the sewers and eventually fight back against the bad guys, which sounds more exciting than it actually is. Director Wes Anderson lets his hipster-laden artistic side, which includes pointless jingles and relentless navel gazing, distract what began as a fun, lightweight adventure.

2012, animation, bill murray, george clooney, meryl streep, wes anderson

FANTASTIC MR. FOX

Clooney does the Fox title: FANTASTIC MR. FOX year: 2012 cast: George Clooney rating: **1/2 Having grown up with the Rankin/Bass st...

THE TOWERING INFERNO REVIEW HAS MOVED

<div style="text-align: right;"> </div> <a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2018/09/something-up-there-burns-me.html"><br /></a> <div both="" class=""separator"" left="" quot="" text-align:=""> <a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2018/09/something-up-there-burns-me.html"><span style="font-size: x-large;">CLICK THIS ENTIRE SENTENCE LINK FOR THE NEW HOME OF THE TOWERING INFERNO</span></a></div> <span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/%3Chr%20class=" more=""> </a></span><br /> <br /> <div style="text-align: right;"> </div> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9ud1OhkjwZU/W57QsoZHP6I/AAAAAAAA5c8/jrPmAbS52uInBpggHIWkCuE8myUWNfeHQCLcBGAs/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2018-09-16%2Bat%2B2.52.32%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="488" data-original-width="412" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9ud1OhkjwZU/W57QsoZHP6I/AAAAAAAA5c8/jrPmAbS52uInBpggHIWkCuE8myUWNfeHQCLcBGAs/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2018-09-16%2Bat%2B2.52.32%2BPM.png" width="270" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2018/09/something-up-there-burns-me.html"><span style="font-size: large;">CLICK FOR NEW LOCATION</span></a></td></tr> </tbody></table> <br /> <br /> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div>

action, disaster, faye dunaway, paul newman, seventies, steve mcqueen, william holden

THE TOWERING INFERNO REVIEW HAS MOVED

CLICK THIS ENTIRE SENTENCE LINK FOR THE NEW HOME OF THE TOWERING INFERNO CLICK FOR NEW LOCATION

THE HORRIBLE CAMP THAT IS CONGO

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rrs3t-BA0Xs/T4C_gswexdI/AAAAAAAAGIw/1rMSdnE0CjA/s1600/congo2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rrs3t-BA0Xs/T4C_gswexdI/AAAAAAAAGIw/1rMSdnE0CjA/s320/congo2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">year: 1995 rating: *</td></tr> </tbody></table> The worst Michael Crichton adaptation ever; this makes the abysmal SPHERE seem like JURASSIC PARK.<br /> <br /> We begin with a failed expedition to find... something mysterious in Africa. A corporation sends Laura Linney to discover where the missing team went. She's joined by an ape researcher and his, through a technical back strap, talking gorilla Amy. Tim Curry, as a Romanian capitalist with greed pouring through his veins, joins the group. And Ernie Hudson tries his best as the adventurous guide as they go from one limp peril to the next: from a plane ride tailed by heat seeking missiles to a nighttime hippo attack resembling Disneyland's Jungle Cruise – and not even that exciting. As the plodding trek leads to a city built around a diamond mine, protected by killer albino apes that not only seem like men leaping around in gorilla suits, but <i>are </i>men leaping around in gorilla suits. Yet Amy actually looks realistic, but her forced sentimentality to manipulate audience adoration makes one yearn to throw a banana-grenade in her path, and hopefully her annoyingly idealistic trainer, played by a dull Dylan Walsh, is beside her. Director Frank Marshall was on a roll after ALIVE and ARACHNOPHOBIA, but he overshot here and failed miserably.

ernie hudson, frank marshall, joe don baker, laura linney, michael crichton, nineties, science-fiction

THE HORRIBLE CAMP THAT IS CONGO

year: 1995 rating: * The worst Michael Crichton adaptation ever; this makes the abysmal SPHERE seem like JURASSIC PARK. We begin with ...

AMERICAN REUNION

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gfzuHA3aZL0/T3_wNIEBPwI/AAAAAAAAGHY/couFsPRILD4/s1600/Seann-William-Scott-in-American-Reunion-2012-Movie-Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gfzuHA3aZL0/T3_wNIEBPwI/AAAAAAAAGHY/couFsPRILD4/s320/Seann-William-Scott-in-American-Reunion-2012-Movie-Image.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This guy makes the movie and drinks</td></tr> </tbody></table> title: AMERICAN REUNION<br /> year: 2012<br /> cast: Jason Biggs, Sean William Scott<br /> rating: ***<br /> <br /> AMERICAN REUNION can make a forty-something feel pretty damn old. The original classic was homage to the sex comedies of the 1980s, a celebration of an era long past, and now the ‘90s are nostalgic. Plot centers on the obvious but this has little to do with the reunion itself. Unlike the sequels, the whole gang’s back this time. Jim’s still married to Michelle with a baby boy and both seek their own form of – let’s call it personal pleasure. Their sex life has hit the skids while the overly nice and now bearded Kevin’s marriage is just fine, except when Vicky’s around. Oz is a semi famous sportscaster who did a reality TV dance more embarrassing than Jim’s viral video, and his old flame Heather’s got a successful doctor as a boyfriend. Sleepy-eyed Finch claims to be an adventurous journeyman while the fan favorite, Stifler, despite working an office job still loves to party. And he wants his grownup buddies to return to their old ways, first at a lake replete with high school chicks – including a sexpot Jim once babysat who wants him worse than he wanted pie – and then at his house party where Jim’s dad hooks up with Stifler’s mother. And with the running around not much really happens; that is, if scene-stealer Scott isn't paving the way. The jokes are either dull or overboard (keeping up with the Apatow), and most of the characters seem like sticks in the mud (i.e. adults) except Stifler who, reveling as the scene-stealing jester, eventually has to grow up. Shannon Elizabeth, Natasha Lyonne and "The Shermanator" provide unnecessary cameos. And while there’s a relaxing quality seeing all the kids back together, they need something to lose – like the <i>first time</i> around.

2012, sequel, sex comedy

AMERICAN REUNION

This guy makes the movie and drinks title: AMERICAN REUNION year: 2012 cast: Jason Biggs, Sean William Scott rating: *** AMERICAN R...

JEFF DANIELS STARS IN ARACHNOPHOBIA

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C7clTaE2RkA/T3-2UmbO6iI/AAAAAAAAGHQ/nUbKU2MQ9IQ/s1600/title00_200408903.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C7clTaE2RkA/T3-2UmbO6iI/AAAAAAAAGHQ/nUbKU2MQ9IQ/s320/title00_200408903.jpg" width="314" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">year: 1990 director: Frank Marshall</td></tr> </tbody></table> Director Frank Marshall, a Steven Spielberg protégé, teams up with his mentor for this spider version of JAWS. But the first ten minutes provides a RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK déjà vu as renowned arachnid expert Julian Sands ventures into South America to discover a new form of creepy-crawlies.<br /> <br /> Along for the ride is a chubby, whining, beyond reluctant photographer who’s so nervous and timid you know he’ll buy the farm. Not only that but one of the formidable spiders, that can paralyze and kill victims in one bite, hitches a coffin ride to a small town back in America, where Jeff Daniels and his family have just moved in: Daniels a big city doctor with a fear of spiders (like Roy Schieder’s Chief Brody hated the water), and since the local doctor won’t retire, Daniels has only a few patients. And everyone he diagnoses, dies – a mystery to everyone but the audience, and providing a Noir like Wrong Man vibe, at least for a little while.<br /> <br /> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pXVZUuFNcak/Vnzoi27o5iI/AAAAAAAAqBM/kCjZzhf43pg/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-24%2Bat%2B10.55.44%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pXVZUuFNcak/Vnzoi27o5iI/AAAAAAAAqBM/kCjZzhf43pg/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-24%2Bat%2B10.55.44%2BPM.png" width="265" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Movie Poster</td></tr> </tbody></table> Director Frank Marshall uses real life spiders as the camera glides in the Spielberg fashion, so we feel death is possibly around every corner and crevice, and those creepers are placed perfectly and do exactly what they should, like trained dogs: a far cry from contrived CGI if the film were made today and more old-school, like the eco-horror FROGS or, more befitting, KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS. And as there is a plot-important body count horror aspect, being Amblin, not Corman, much of the spooks are nail-biting close calls. <br /> <br /> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-67b3_8_8TYg/VnzsVipFTKI/AAAAAAAAqBY/aA3tnKFYOAk/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-24%2Bat%2B11.11.58%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-67b3_8_8TYg/VnzsVipFTKI/AAAAAAAAqBY/aA3tnKFYOAk/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-24%2Bat%2B11.11.58%2BPM.png" width="217" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alex P. Keaton and a spider</td></tr> </tbody></table> Meanwhile, John Goodman’s goofy exterminator tries too hard for laughs, providing a silly comic relief version of Robert Shaw where it’s not entirely necessary as the movie has a lightweight dark comedy vibe despite his input, like GREMLINS, but can be serious too – those leggy beasts sure wreak havoc. The fearless Richard Dreyfuss character is more Daniel's wife, played by natural beauty Harley Jane Kozak, than any of the scientists or coroners. And for great measure, there's an older-teenage girl homage to the PSYCHO shower sequence.<br /> <br /> <div style="text-align: left;"> </div> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BhLfelnTT-k/Vnz_eo8ueHI/AAAAAAAAqBw/ZzzHU49vWJM/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-25%2Bat%2B12.30.48%2BAM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BhLfelnTT-k/Vnz_eo8ueHI/AAAAAAAAqBw/ZzzHU49vWJM/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-25%2Bat%2B12.30.48%2BAM.jpg" width="135" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cori Wellins gets wet</td></tr> </tbody></table> Leading a finale bout/standoff between Daniels, who, facing his fear in droves within a wine seller... well after Julian Sands returns with a few clunky professionals that don't live up to their expertise...  delivering pure suspense as the TERMS OF ENDEARMENT Oscar nominated actor, now best known for being the DUMB of DUMBER, balances naiveté, humor, and intensity – fitting perfectly within this tour de force of creature features that, although borrowing from many other films, has it’s own creepy pulse throughout, and deserves more of a following: hope this writeup helps.<br /> <br /> <u>RATING: ****</u><br /> <u>TRIVIA</u>:  Character-actor Mark L. Taylor, as the clumsy photographer in the Venezuela prologue, is pretty much the cause of the spiders (beginning with one spider) invading the town... And in the 1977 cult flick DAMNATION ALLEY, his character, sleeping with a porn mag while holding a lit cigarette, causes the military fall-out shelter to explode, also setting things in catastrophic motion. And the photos up top are from a scene where spiders infest a television set where FAMILY TIES (with Tina Yothers and a Spielberg vet from BACK TO THE FUTURE, Michael J. Fox) is playing. Screaming football coach Peter Jason, a former Cult Film Freak interviewee whose podcast was (thoroughly enjoyed by the iconic David Warner), also played an irritated coach, but for soccer, in THE KARATE KID. And Frank Marshall, always a bridesmaid and never a bride until his directorial debut in the intense survival flick ALIVE, proved himself with this project but then bit the HOWARD THE DUCK style dust with the horrendous (though fun to bag on ) adaptation of Michael Crichton's otherwise excellent, adventurous pulpy page turner, <a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2012/04/the-horrible-camp-that-is-congo.html">CONGO</a>.

creature, frank marshall, horror, john goodman, julian sands, nineties, peter jason, steven spielberg

JEFF DANIELS STARS IN ARACHNOPHOBIA

year: 1990 director: Frank Marshall Director Frank Marshall, a Steven Spielberg protégé, teams up with his mentor for this spider versio...

MANHATTAN MURDER MYSTERY

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ar5OMtXjz_E/T387NkdhQjI/AAAAAAAAGG4/JZyZc4Vel50/s1600/004710_27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ar5OMtXjz_E/T387NkdhQjI/AAAAAAAAGG4/JZyZc4Vel50/s1600/004710_27.jpg" /></a></div> <b>title: </b>MANHATTAN MURDER MYSTERY<br /> <b>year: </b>1993 <br /> <b>cast: </b>Woody Allen, Diane Keaton<br /> <b>rating:</b> *<br /> <br /> This frantic comedy, released during the tumultuous tabloid scandal between Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, is co-scripted by Marshall Brickman, Allen's writing partner for MANHATTAN and ANNIE HALL, the latter originally conceived as a murder mystery before reimagined as the rom-com we know and love, and here’s a double-whammy collaboration: Diane Keaton, Woody’s co-star/love interest during the seventies, also returns to the iconic director's canon. And the results are disastrous. Allen and Keaton play a THIN MAN “Nick and Nora” like couple who meet their elderly neighbors – a seemingly normal stamp collecting coot and his talkative wife. The wife dies and the husband doesn’t seem very jaded. Keaton, desperately attempting to ignite a dull script, investigates the possible murder, which at first seems a long shot. When she's not tailing the accused through New York, or teaming up with her charming playwright friend (Alan Alda), the film consists of tedious dialog between Allen and Keaton, whose chemistry is, to quote Alvy Singer in ANNIE HALL, “A dead shark.” Allen delivers flat one-liners like a sleepy clown after the circus has let out. And when the convoluted mystery's solved there’s still twenty minutes to figure out what exactly? Although the climax, <i>mirroring</i> Orson Welle’s THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI using clips of the famous Fun House sequence, is a clever twist, the rest is a failed class reunion. And even worse than the chicken at Tresky's.

alan alda, comedy, diane keaton, mystery, nineties, woody allen

MANHATTAN MURDER MYSTERY

title: MANHATTAN MURDER MYSTERY year: 1993 cast: Woody Allen, Diane Keaton rating: * This frantic comedy, released during the tumult...

SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GXe0Op2YQ9s/T3yvE659qGI/AAAAAAAAGGg/6LlCyuWco9o/s1600/salmon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="279" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GXe0Op2YQ9s/T3yvE659qGI/AAAAAAAAGGg/6LlCyuWco9o/s320/salmon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>title: </b>SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN<br /> <b>year:</b> 2011<br /> <b>cast: </b>Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt<br /> <b>rating:</b> ***<br /> <br /> If you think the title, also the plotline, is preposterous and farfetched so does the main character… at first. Ewan McGregor plays Dr. Jones, a fishery expert in England given a task to help a kindhearted Sheik – whose dream is to introduce fly-fishing to the desert: a sport he feels can bring people together. Scenes between the Sheik and McGregor talking shop knee deep in a river, two polar opposites with a shared love for fishing, are reminiscent of Burt Lancaster and Peter Riegert in <a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com/2012/02/local-hero.html">LOCAL HERO</a>, both films sharing the "man out of his element" theme (and HERO co-stars Ewan's uncle, <a href="http://www.cultfilmfreaks.com//search/label/denis%20lawson">Denis Lawson</a>). Yet with likable characters including a frantic scene-stealing Kristin Scott Thomas as the head honcho shaping up the deal, Emily Blunt as the “middlewoman” beauty who talks Jones into the gig, and a fat office jerk i.e. comic relief scapegoat given the seemingly impossible task of moving fish from England to the desert, SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN lacks the quirky magic of the title. Everything seems too normal while 11th hour snags, including sabotage at the makeshift fishing site and Blunt’s military boyfriend's return as she falls for McGregor, are resolved too quickly. But for a breezy ninety minute stretch, this works just fine. McGregor’s mellow charm will make you believe the impossible, and there are gorgeous underwater shots of the Salmon – the real protagonists.

comedy, emily blunt, ewan mcgregor, indie, tens

SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN

title: SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN year: 2011 cast: Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt rating: *** If you think the title, also the plotline,...

3:10 TO YUMA

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-odThyPJWKlI/T3pL05P2moI/AAAAAAAAGD0/au1EFucIBiQ/s1600/310_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-odThyPJWKlI/T3pL05P2moI/AAAAAAAAGD0/au1EFucIBiQ/s1600/310_l.jpg" /></a></div><b>title: </b>3:10 TO YUMA<br /> <b>year:</b> 2007<br /> <b>cast: </b>Russell Crowe, Christian Bale<br /> <b>rating: </b>***1/2<br /> <br /> Hurray, they got a modern Western right while treating an Elmore Leonard cowboy flick with the grim gusto of his source novel. Full of twists and bloody gunfights, this is a suspenseful tale of an injured debt-burdened rancher Dan Evans who witnesses a massacre involving an outlaw, Ben Wade, and his gang of seedy, stage coach robbing thugs. Christian Bale as Evans exudes the right amount slowburn pathos for a burdened protagonist, allowing Russell Crowe’s Wade, a cross between Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef, and Hannibal Lector, to steal the show. While in transit to a small town where a 3:10 train will take the captured Wade to Yuma prison, the lawmen have to keep the Bible-reciting villain out of their heads. He can play with any mind if you let him, and cut throats too. Crowe displays a cool murky charm, especially in conversations with Stevens and his young son, who aren’t sure if a heart resides beneath that iron skin. There’s a constant feeling that anything can happen, and the best scenes occur before arriving at the town where, holed up in a hotel, Wade’s men (including an ultraviolent Ben Foster) arrive to free their boss in a somewhat typical showdown. But it’s all pretty great "Neo Noir Western" stuff from start to finish.

christian bale, elmore leonard, logan lerman, luke wilson, peter fonda, russell crowe, western, zeroes

3:10 TO YUMA

title: 3:10 TO YUMA year: 2007 cast: Russell Crowe, Christian Bale rating: ***1/2 Hurray, they got a modern Western right while treati...

JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mLEVxBlVO5o/T3lEMkPgDjI/AAAAAAAAGDk/q5_ZW4L5Rnw/s1600/jeff+who+lives+at+home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mLEVxBlVO5o/T3lEMkPgDjI/AAAAAAAAGDk/q5_ZW4L5Rnw/s320/jeff+who+lives+at+home.jpg" width="289" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brothers kinda bonding</td></tr> </tbody></table> <b>title:</b> JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME<br /> <b>year:</b> 2012<br /> <b>cast:</b> Jason Segal, Ed Helms<br /> <b>rating:</b> *** <br /> <br /> Poor M. Night Shyamalan – his iconic twist ending from THE SIX SENSE was already outed in an Adam Sandler film, and now his SIGNS finale is detailed right off the bat by Jason Segel as Jeff, a pot-smoking underachiever who… that’s right… lives at home. But surprisingly enough this titular aspect has little to do with the story.<br /> <br /> Feeling everything in the universe is connected, and after dialing a “significant” wrong number, Jeff ventures on an errand but finds himself involved in the personal life of his shallow brother Pat, played by Ed Helms, who has a brand new Porsche and a possibly cheating wife (Judy Greer, the <i>cheated-on</i> in THE DESCENDANTS). Investigating the tryst, both brothers tail Pat’s wife and her guy friend to a restaurant and motel. These scenes provide funny and suspenseful moments between two characters that couldn’t be more different.<br /> <br /> On the peripheral, Susan Sarandon, as their office-working single mother, receives a string of secret admirer instant messages on her computer. Then, out of nowhere, both stories hit a sappy life-affirming wall. And yet, despite a cop-out conclusion, this indie film, like the main protagonist, has a scruffy heart in the right place. It’s just too bad the characters didn’t remain in the dark for longer.

ed helms, jason segel

JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME

Brothers kinda bonding title: JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME year: 2012 cast: Jason Segal, Ed Helms rating: *** Poor M. Night Shyamala...

WRATH OF THE TITANS

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EZoY6a_PSII/T3izjuFpvUI/AAAAAAAAGDc/ibLddodl5iw/s1600/wrath-of-the-titans-uk-trailer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EZoY6a_PSII/T3izjuFpvUI/AAAAAAAAGDc/ibLddodl5iw/s320/wrath-of-the-titans-uk-trailer.jpg" width="183" /></a></div><b>title:</b> WRATH OF THE TITANS<br /> <b>year: </b>2012<br /> <b>cast: </b>Sam Worthington<br /> <b>rating:</b> ** <br /> <br /> Although Greek Mythology has been around a long, long time before 1977’s STAR WARS, there are similarities in this tale of Perseus, the demi-god son of Zeus – the bearded God captured in the underworld by his evil son Ares and his brother, Hades. The STAR WARS connections include the basic plot of a rural fisherman (and a band of cronies) on a quest to rescue an important figure from the bad guys (farm boy rescuing a princess). And at the doorstop of the netherworld, a slab closes slowly – the good guys have just enough time to jump through to save their lives. After which they fall into a pit where, soon enough, the walls start closing in (trash compactor). Skipping to the finale battle with a giant Hell Beast, Kronos, Perseus and his black horse ride<i> into</i> the monstrosity where an exact hit, in a precise location, will destroy it completely (Death Star). Simularities between fathers and sons and power and greed, and all that other stuff could be in any myth or fable, but if you take away a quick battle with gigantic Cyclops men and a few bouts between Perseus and Ares, there’s not much here at all. And as one character tries to lighten the wrath with rogue comic-relief bravado, Toby Kebbell’s Arengor (Han Solo), slacker son of Poseidon, gets lost in a mesh of computer animation without a real plot. Perhaps THE MAZE OF HADES would have been a more befitting title – most of the time our heroes try getting into, and then out of, the underworld: replete with flashy but <i>unde</i>rwhelming 3D effects. And while the end provides a big bombastic battle to make up for the lack of story, there’s too much exposition about gods and titans and not enough cool little fights leading to the big one.

action, fantasy, liam neeson, sam worthington

WRATH OF THE TITANS

title: WRATH OF THE TITANS year: 2012 cast: Sam Worthington rating: ** Although Greek Mythology has been around a long, long time bef...