THE HORRIBLE CAMP THAT IS CONGO

year: 1995 rating: *

The worst Michael Crichton adaptation ever; this makes the abysmal SPHERE seem like JURASSIC PARK.

We begin with a failed expedition to find... something mysterious in Africa. A corporation sends Laura Linney to discover where the missing team went. She's joined by an ape researcher and his, through a technical back strap, talking gorilla Amy. Tim Curry, as a Romanian capitalist with greed pouring through his veins, joins the group. And Ernie Hudson tries his best as the adventurous guide as they go from one limp peril to the next: from a plane ride tailed by heat seeking missiles to a nighttime hippo attack resembling Disneyland's Jungle Cruise – and not even that exciting. As the plodding trek leads to a city built around a diamond mine, protected by killer albino apes that not only seem like men leaping around in gorilla suits, but are men leaping around in gorilla suits. Yet Amy actually looks realistic, but her forced sentimentality to manipulate audience adoration makes one yearn to throw a banana-grenade in her path, and hopefully her annoyingly idealistic trainer, played by a dull Dylan Walsh, is beside her. Director Frank Marshall was on a roll after ALIVE and ARACHNOPHOBIA, but he overshot here and failed miserably.