Written by / 7/03/2016 / No comments / ,

OMFG AVOID THE BFG YOU WON'T LYFAO

Wherein the last new movie reviewed, INDEPENDENCE DAY RESURGENCE, had no second act, this catastrophe has no first act: The ball gets rolling before we know why, only who...

That being a little girl in an orphanage with an open window peering out into shadowy, cobbled English streets and then a giant who, it turns out, isn't so giant after all, stealing her away to his lair where, living up to his name, Big Friendly Giant, he protects her from the mean and hungry giant-giants outside, in their plush green valley, but what the hell – he kidnapped her in the first place...

Score: 1/2
It takes about twenty long minutes for the duo to supposedly get to know each other. It feels like a nightmare CGI stage play in purgatory, the giant speaking like a mentally challenged Yoda reciting Shakespeare on Ludes and resembling a twisted old codger pedophile while the Spielberg touch, of making little kids seem like little adults, just isn't there in child actress Ruby Barnhill; not because she can't act... she's alright in that department... but she doesn't seem like part of a story at all, reacting to what feels like a Green Screen void. By the time they venture outside, and the not-so-giant giant is bullied by the really big boys on his way to his job, of capturing dreams, THE BFG has already run its course...

With attempts by Spielberg to maneuver his camera in the usual fantastical style, trying to, like his good movies, make us feel involved in the action as it takes place, stock maestro John Williams doesn't miss a note to cover every single pointless step, bounce, trounce and pounce in this convoluted mess that makes HOOK seem like RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and could very well be the worst... T-H-E W-O-R-S-T... children's movie ever made. The good news is, after completely bombing with a tragic $18 Million Opening, it's already almost completely forgotten, and you can bet it will never acquire a cult following, or even an epitaph.
Share This Post :
Tags : ,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

All Time Popular

Featured Post

SIAN BARBARA ALLEN IN THE TV-HORROR 'SCREAM, PRETTY PEGGY'

Sian Barbara Allen & Ted Bessell Year: 1973 Rates: ***1/2 Sian Barbara Allen is one of those artsy-looking actresses that could only der...

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Most Popular Last Year

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM
Movie Reviews, Interviews, Articles and Pop Culture from White Heat to Blue City

UPCOMING ARTICLE/REVIEW

UPCOMING ARTICLE/REVIEW
Sean Penn in Rick Rosenthal's 1980's cult exploitation prison flick BAD BOYS

TOTAL HITS

Popular Trending

FOUNDED BY JAMES M. TATE

FOUNDED BY JAMES M. TATE
RANDOM QUOTE: "The common man will still be here when you get back." David Warrilow to John Turturro, Barton Fink

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

FILM NOIR/NEO NOIR/CRIME


"One false move and you're over your head."

FAVORITES SHORTLIST

1)THE CROWDED SKY 2)THE FEARMAKERS 3)JAWS 4)RAIDERS FROM BENEATH THE SEA 5)ANATOMY OF A MURDER 6)HOT CARS 7)VIOLENT SATURDAY 8)CANYON PASSAGE 9)THE MAN FROM LARAMIE 10)HARDCORE 11)CURSE OF THE DEMON 12)THE DEFECTOR 13)SHARKS' TREASURE 14)SWEENEY TWO 15)OTLEY 16)DUEL IN THE JUNGLE 17)ASH WEDNESDAY 18)THE SERGEANT 19)ROYAL FLASH 20)THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN 21)THE ROARING TWENTIES 22)FALLEN ANGEL 23)AL CAPONE 24)THE ASPHALT JUNGLE 25)AIR PATROL 26)KILLER FISH 27)THE SYSTEM 28)WHITE HEAT 29)EASY LIVING 30)ATLANTIC CITY 31)COMPULSION 32)WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS 33)JUNGLE STREET GIRLS 34)MADISON AVENUE 35)THE SHARKFIGHTERS 36)DEMETRIUS AND THE GLADIATORS 37)MY BLOOD RUNS COLD 38)THE LINEUP 39)SWAMP WATER 40)THE DAY THEY ROBBED THE BANK OF ENGLAND 41)RUMBLE FISH 42)CANYON RIVER 43)THE HEARSE 44)WILLIAM CONRAD'S BRAINSTORM 45)CORVETTE SUMMER 46)THE DRIVER 47)FRENZY 48)HOUSE OF STRANGERS 49)THE KILLING 50)FORCE TEN FROM NARAVONE 51)BULLITT 52)ROBBERY 53)THE FRIENDS OF EDDIE COYLE 54)KISS TOMORROW GOODBYE 55)HOTEL 56)THE BREAK 57)CRIME WAVE 58)BRANNIGAN 59)THE STONE KILLER 60)BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA

ACTORS 1)DANA ANDREWS 2)JAMES CAGNEY 3)MARLON BRANDO 4)JACK NICHOLSON 5)ORSON WELLES 6)PETER O'TOOLE 7)TOM COURTENAY 8)CHARLES BRONSON 9)GENE HACKMAN 10)VICTOR MATURE ACTRESSES 1)VIRGINIA MAYO 2)SUE LYON 3)GENE TIERNEY 4)MERRY ANDERS 5)FAYE DUNAWAY DIRECTORS 1)JACQUES TOURNEUR 2)RICHARD FLEISCHER 3)STANLEY KUBRICK 4)ORSON WELLES 5)OTTO PREMINGER 6)JOHN CARPENTER 7)MAURY DEXTER 8)JOHN LANDIS 9)MICHAEL WINNER 10)SAM PECKINPAH

WESTERN GENRE REVIEWS

BRITISH NEW WAVE CINEMA

RARITIES & EXPLOITATION

Popular This Month

CINEMA OF DANA ANDREWS

TRIPPING INTO THE SIXTIES

STRIKING THE SEVENTIES

KICKING IN THE EIGHTIES

TALES AND REFLECTIONS

PUNCHING UP THE THIRTIES

PEELING OUT THE FORTIES

BACK TO THE FIFTIES

RETURN TO THE HOMEPAGE