CARRIE REMAKE

year: 2013 cast: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Gabriella Wilde, Judy Greer rating: *1/2

Take away the telekinetic powers, the hyper-religious mother and a bucket of pig’s blood on the noggin, the original CARRIE, a suspenseful Stephen King adaptation directed by Brian De Palma, is really about a high school girl who doesn’t fit in. That fact is obvious just by looking at Sissy Spacek’s Carrie White, who seems as though she’s never belonged to any campus clique judging by her distant, dazed expression.

While Spacek was a natural beauty in earlier films like BADLANDS and PRIME CUT, she was turned into a homely outcast… But Chloë Grace Moretz doesn’t have any problem whatsoever: Lose the permanent scowl and she’s cuter than most of the girls, even the popular bullies… So it doesn’t quite work when sympathetic Sue Snell, played by an elfin Gabriella Wilde, talks boyfriend Tommy Ross into escorting Carrie to the prom. Sappy scenes bordering on awkward TWILIGHT romance gives the impression he's one lucky guy with two lovely girlfriends… But Carrie has a load of trouble at home in the form of crazy mom Margaret White....

"I'm the Prom Queen... How dare they turn me into a melted chocolate bunny... Burn! Burn!"

Without further comparing this to the original, Julianne Moore, filling the famous Piper Laurie role, tries her over-the-top best with spooky long hair and an icy disposition, but acts more like a neurotic soccer mom in dire need of xanax than the main ingredient for her daughter’s deep rooted problems…

Enter Carrie’s freewheeling use of telekinesis… Her ability to easily manipulate elements, like a young Jedi or a Hogwarts pupil, makes you forget she's a troubled girl who can't control ominous powers. In one scene, as schoolbooks float jovially around her bedroom, you’d think she discovered a quick way of finishing chores or perhaps a time-filling substitute for not having a Facebook or Twitter account.

And then, once we arrive at the inevitable doomsday prom, when Carrie goes to town with hellishly lethal vengeance, you’ll wonder if this entire remake occurred just to witness a group of young people being slaughtered care-of computer-generated effects: If that’s the case, the maligned 90’s sequel THE RAGE: CARRIE 2 covered this unnecessary ground already.