Written by / 1/26/2013 / 1 Comment / , , , ,

HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS

year: 2013 cast: Jeremy Renner, Famke Janssen, Gemma Arterton rating: **
Hansel and Gretel, those two fairy tale children forced to fatten themselves up for dinner, are now older with a lucrative occupation described in the title – although there’s a lot more killing than hunting going on.    

Beginning with a quick reintroduction to the sibling’s famous backstory against the candy house witch (more hyperactive than menacing), we cut to an opening credit montage of newspaper clippings with our heroes in action, fighting witches throughout the dark forest countryside.

The initial villains – before Famke Janssen’s sinister Muriel takes over – are the hillbilly townspeople ala religious fanatics that burn maidens without a proper trial, introducing the love interest: a blond-haired lass quickly warming up to Jeremy Renner’s tough-as-nails Hansel. This also intentionally (and way too obviously) separates H & G from those infamous knee-jerk scoundrels who gave witch hunting a bad name.  

Loaded with "machine guns" and other modernized weaponry, the dynamic duo take down broom-riding aggressors in scenes so fast-paced and close-up, you might have to close your eyes until each dizzying conclusion. Noisy and boisterous, the witches are hardly distinguished from each other, making all the fights seem repetitive and ultimately tiresome. 

Renner does a decent job as Hansel, spouting tough guy one-liners ("I say burn them all") and never showing his emotions; while sister Gretel, played by Gemma Arterton... along with a young boy who attempts writing their story... seem too modern for the ancient setting, using words like “Awesome."

In the vein of FROM DUSK TILL DAWN which inspired VAN HELSING and all the UNDERWORLD flicks, HANSEL AND GRETEL wields too much action to be as mysterious or engaging as the timeless story that it’s based. 

But if you’re up for a lotta witch whoopin' – especially the climax where a makeshift Gatling gun massacres an entire bloody lot of 'em – this mindless roller coaster is just for you.
Share This Post :
Tags : , , , ,

1 comment:

  1. Don't forget BORDELLO OF BLOOD, a personal tasty treat. I do have to say that the last half the movie got better than the first. At least it was rated R, and I think that is what saved this movie for me. If it had been PG-13 - ever so popular with movie studios - it would have been all the action and no blood and guts. Pointless and B-O-R-I-N-G. Actually I'm surprised they didn't make them cut this to a PG-13 to get the "target audience". At least with the R Rating we got to see the full palette of blood, full body explosions with wiggly worms, witches, well sheared to pieces as sweet as pie. GIVE ME MY SEXY VIOLENCE and R Rating! So at least if I wanted to bang my head against the wall with the silliness of the movie, the splatter effect kept me in the movie and over all I left with a jib in my step. I mean, it could have been as bad as THE HOBBIT.

    Thank you for the R Rating!

    Great review sir.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Featured Post

ROBERT FORSTER TURNS 'VIGILANTE' WITH FRED WILLIAMSON

Fred Williamson in VIGILANTE aka STREET GANG Year: 1982 During the eighties, the decade-old DEATH WISH template was alive and kicking as...

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Most Popular Last Year

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM
Movie Reviews, Interviews & Pop Culture ranging from White Heat to Blue City

FOR TELEVISION REVIEWS

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

TOTAL HITS

Popular Trending

FOUNDED BY JAMES M. TATE

FOUNDED BY JAMES M. TATE
RANDOM QUOTE: "Maybe you need a moll more than you need a wife who you can't trust with your secrets." Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman to Walter White, Breaking Bad

Blog Archive

ETERNAL ART OF FILM NOIR

FAVORITES SHORTLIST

MOVIES 1)THE FEARMAKERS 2)JAWS 3)THE CROWDED SKY 4)HOT CARS 5)RAIDERS FROM BENEATH THE SEA 6)VIOLENT SATURDAY 7)ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD 8)THE MAN FROM LARAMIE 9)CANYON PASSAGE 10)SHARKS' TREASURE 11)AIR PATROL 12)EASY LIVING 13)CURSE OF THE DEMON 14)HARDCORE 15)WICHITA 16)WILLIAM CONRAD'S BRAINSTORM 17)KILLER FISH 18)ANATOMY OF A MURDER 19)WHITE HEAT 20)FALLEN ANGEL 21)AL CAPONE 22)THE SERGEANT 23)THE DEFECTOR 24)CANYON RIVER 25)WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS

ACTORS 1)DANA ANDREWS 2)JAMES CAGNEY 3)MARLON BRANDO 4)ORSON WELLES 5)JACK NICHOLSON 6)PETER O'TOOLE 7)TOM COURTENAY 8)CHARLES BRONSON 9)GENE HACKMAN 10)STEVE COCHRAN DIRECTORS 1)JACQUES TOURNEUR 2)RICHARD FLEISCHER 3)STANLEY KUBRICK 4)ORSON WELLES 5)OTTO PREMINGER 6)MAURY DEXTER 7)JOHN GUILLERMIN 8)JOHN LANDIS 9)MICHAEL WINNER 10)SAM PECKINPAH ACTRESSES 1)VIRGINIA MAYO 2)FAYE DUNAWAY 3)SUE LYON 4)GENE TIERNEY 5)MERRY ANDERS

SCIENCE-FICTION STUFF

Popular This Month

OUR OWN CORNERSTONE

OUR OWN CORNERSTONE
Open the door to DANA ANDREWS Cinema

DANA ANDREWS FACEBOOK

BLOGS OF INTEREST

STARING INTO THE SIXTIES

RARITIES & EXPLOITATION

All Time Popular

KICKING IN THE EIGHTIES

TALES AND REFLECTIONS

TALES AND REFLECTIONS
"Really cool and a lot of class." Yaphet Kotto

TARGETING THE SEVENTIES

RETURN TO THE HOMEPAGE