Written by / 6/11/2018 / No comments / , , , , , , ,

BELATED OPENING-WEEKEND REVIEW OF 'HOTEL ARTEMIS'

But an extremely cool retro paperback poster artwork YEAR: 2018
Many have compared HOTEL ARTEMIS to JOHN WICK because of the hotel for criminals, which is just window-dressing here as this dingy palace actually serves as a hospital for injured, high-paying criminal club members, and the plot does sound intriguing but remains a benign foundation for a rushed action-caper just as the hotel itself harbors its crooked clientele...

Hotel Score: *1/2
The hardly Noir-ambiguous good-bad people may as well wear endearing, audience-friendly halos, especially Jodie Foster as a boozy nurse along with a really cool and mellow black thief who discovers he stole far too much from the wrong people ala CHARLEY VARRICK, combined with a superhuman Kung Fu chick taking down lethal henchman ala KILL BILL, while a broader homage is a complete "out" for the suspense: the movie takes place in a familiar dystopic near-future resembling ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK where a riotous mob is tearing up the city because a corporation stole their water i.e. CHINATOWN...

All this a contrived attempt to instill a sense of urgency outside since there's little to none inside... For example, the Nurse's various ER rooms (named after idyllic holiday spots), during what are supposed to be edgy and intense surgeries to mend the badly wounded, are replete with miraculous, robotic, push-button machines that Dr. McCoy from STAR TREK would envy: Leaving an extremely old and haggard-looking, cliché-neurotic, overacting Foster to seem useless and alone even during unexpected peril — although she's never actually in real danger thanks to...

Bottom of the Vintage Paperback poster-artwork
Dave Bautista, obviously created to "steal scenes" as a tough but tender bodyguard named Everest (because he's big... like the mountain) while the bad-bad guys include smack-talking weapons-dealer Charlie Day (sounding like Joe Pesci imitating a knee-jerk's vision of Donald Trump) and Jeff Goldblum as a powerful crime lord needing emergency-emergency service but, whether these people live or die really doesn't matter all that much. The eventual twists, turns and revelations occur within a clunky, patched-together 92-minute run-time: seeming like glimpses of a season-long cable series that'd require time to grow beyond this dull, misguided, stagey mess that repeats itself over and over, again and again, and hardly even attempts to get off (or even on) the ground-floor. 
Another example of the awesome retro posters (American Gigolo) for such a let-down picture
Share This Post :
Tags : , , , , , , ,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

All Time Popular

Featured Post

RICHARD BASEHART AND MARILYN MAXWELL IN 'OUTSIDE THE WALL'

Title: OUTSIDE THE WALL Year: 1950 Rating: *** Crane Wilber's OUTSIDE THE WALL is three movies in one, and the first two are the best: s...

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM

WWW.CULTFILMFREAKS.COM
Movie Reviews, Interviews, Articles and Pop Culture from White Heat to Blue City

RIP ACTOR KEN HUTCHISON

TOTAL HITS

Popular Trending

FOUNDED BY JAMES M. TATE

FOUNDED BY JAMES M. TATE
RANDOM QUOTE: "I love my country and I love my slippers." Jack Benny in Ernst Lubitsch's To Be Or Not To Be

FILM NOIR & NEO NOIR CRIME

FAVORITES SHORTLIST

1)OTLEY 2)HELL IS A CITY 3)ROBBERY 4)THE FEARMAKERS 5)CANYON PASSAGE 6)VIOLENT SATURDAY 7)HOT CARS 8)JUNGLE STREET 9)THE CROWDED SKY 10)THE ROARING TWENTIES 11) ANATOMY OF A MURDER 12)SHARKS' TREASURE 13)SWEENEY TWO 14)RAIDERS FROM BENEATH THE SEA 15)HARDCORE 16)THE SYSTEM 17)WHITE HEAT 18)AL CAPONE 19)HIDDEN FEAR 20)FALLEN ANGEL 21)NIGHT CREATURES 22)THE HEROIN BUSTERS 23)ASH WEDNESDAY 24)THE BREAK 25)AIR PATROL 26)THE STONE KILLER 27)EASY LIVING 28)WILLIAM CONRAD'S BRAINSTORM 29)FRENZY 30)THE MAN FROM LARAMIE 1)DANA ANDREWS 2)JAMES CAGNEY 3)STANLEY BAKER 4)MARLON BRANDO 5)CHARLES BRONSON1)VIRGINIA MAYO 2)SUE LYON 3)GENE TIERNEY 4)MERRY ANDERS 5)FAYE DUNAWAY DIRECTORS 1)JACQUES TOURNEUR 2)RICHARD FLEISCHER 3)STANLEY KUBRICK 4)ORSON WELLES 5)OTTO PREMINGER 6)JOHN LANDIS 7)JOHN GUILLERMAN 8)VAL GUEST 9)JOHN CARPENTER 10)MICHAEL WINNER

BRITISH NEW WAVE CINEMA

RARITIES AND EXPLOITATION

HAMMER HORROR & THRILLER

Popular This Month

CHARLES BRONSON CINEMA

CINEMA OF DANA ANDREWS

WESTERN GENRE REVIEWS

PEAKING INTO THE SIXTIES

KICKING IN THE EIGHTIES

TALES AND REFLECTIONS

REVVING THE SEVENTIES

FOR HORROR MOVIE REVIEWS

Most Popular Last Year

RETURN TO THE HOMEPAGE