Written by / 8/02/2016 / No comments / , ,

FLIPPING TO SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS

Sharks In Space... It's Just Dumb This Time YEAR: 2016
With an opening scrawl and a title taken from the new STAR WARS: FORCE AWAKENS, there wasn't much use for the first, since no plot was actually revealed nor does it exist, while the latter is a semi-creative pun (most likely inspired by the popular phrase, 'May The 4th Be With You'). This one starting out in Las Vegas, epicenter of a world that's finally rid of all tornadoes thanks to a company using a "cheap" yet effective device that blasts 'em from the onset. But for some reason, the "McGuffin" doesn't work over Sin City...

Wouldn't you know, Fin Shepard just happens to be there. His son and new wife (a couple with zero chemistry, seeming thrown together) jump out of a plane to celebrate their vows, and the pre-credit opening sequence is the best things get: involving Fin trying to bring his son down around a Casino that has particular monuments that make it all look pretty fantastic.

Tiegs on the JAWS 2 Promo
The problem with THE FOURTH AWAKENS is not much really happens except a lot of running around. To quote Hemingway, who included sharks in an important novella, "Never Mistake Motion For Action." And all the action here is just plain boring as the gang tears through several states till reaching Kansas, home of the... you know, Yellow Brick Road and Wicked Witch. This followed by a dozen or more references to either the 90's hit TWISTER or the Cinematic Capital of Tornadoes where Dorothy and Toto lived, and none are funny. Meanwhile, Tara Reid returns, now joined by her character's father, Gary Busey. He looks ancient and ruffled as a scientist in a subplot that makes zero sense, even in an intentionally nonsensical storyline...

Looking more Brown Bunny than Jaws 2 Poster
And what Tara morphs into is just too silly even for this just-too-silly franchise. The human antagonist has potential but winds up a hero, sort of, in Tommy Davidson who, like the second Jack Nicholson in MARS ATTACKS!, has created a theme Vegas hotel celebrating the art of the Flying Killer Shark (as opposed to Space Aliens), and he runs the billion dollar company that's supposed to keep the Sharknados at bay: which doesn't work, and he has to make it work or... of course... our hero, played by franchise star and producer, Ian Ziering, has to fight 'em down n' dirty (how great he's eclipsed all his 90210 cast members, on accident: he was the best thing that show had going). This entails him and the other small handful of survivors to basically traipse across America and battle the finned beasts upon various landmarks. It must have taken five minutes less than the others to write 4TH AWAKENS: that being 20 minutes total.

CAMP VALUE: *1/2
IMDb hasn't YET caught a few trivia connections, and since only IMDb Pro members can add stuff, we'll help you fellas out: Cheryl Tiegs plays Fin's mother and, as seen in the pictures above, she was the poster girl for the movie JAWS 2, although she did not appear as a character (perhaps this is in another trivia section for an earlier SHARKNADO). Also, Alexandra Paul appears alongside her fellow BAYWATCH boss, Fin's father, the one and only David Hassolhoff, an actor who's become a punchline just by showing up (wherever or whenever he shows up, anywhere): So when an aged, overweight Steve Guttenberg, a crossover character from SyFy's LAVANTULA, lets Fin drive an old Chevy named CHRISTINE; it just so happens that Alexandra Paul not only co-starred in that very movie, but the car tried killing her out of jealousy for someone else connected to JAWS 2: Keith Gordon (he's not in this movie, so that's just a throwaway). Also, as just about everyone knows, there's a TEXAS CHAINSAW reunion but centering on the 2nd (Cannon) Film that starred Dennis Hopper: actually, a better vehicle than the original – at least more entertaining. So there you have it. The 4th Sharknado, and it's really just a waste of time, this time around.
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