Written by James M. Tate / 7/16/2013 / 1 Comment / list , mary-louise weller
AFTER THE SUNSET: DOOMED CINEMATIC RELATIONSHIPS
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Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy in THE BREAKFAST CLUB |
“Dude, your girlfriend is really cute and all, but she just stole half the team’s wallets and right now, as I speak, she’s outside screaming like a banshee and making snow angels… in the swimming pool!”
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Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN |
“You’re a selfish prick – all you think about is money.”
“Oh yeah! Well at least I didn’t bang guys for it!”
That’s it… The divorce bells are ringing… He’s used her sordid past to win every argument!
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Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher in THE ORIGINAL STAR WARS TRILOGY |
“I can care less about the Kessel run: you need to have a real job and follow the damn rules!”
And after they have children, where will Chewbacca sleep, in the doghouse?
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Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison in MY FAIR LADY |
But wait until the first big sophisticated party, when Eliza Doolittle-Higgins meets a bevy of young rich men and learns, all by herself, how to flirt and eventually, cheat…
So long, Henry Higgins! This unfair lady's got more phone numbers than J. Edgar Hoover!
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John Cusack and Diane Franklin in BETTER OFF DEAD |
“Well Lane, you can move here to France since you were better off dead here in America… But as a guy who only has experience working burger stands, we recommend you stay in America.”
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Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in GREASE |
Then, after a year, Sandy and Danny move to Australia so he won’t hang out with a bunch of thugs… Only he started his own gang: THE DOWN-UNDERS…
While Sandy, back to being a prissy missy after slutting-out to win over the brute at the graduation carnival, wishes she married a local boy, perhaps a shepard... Hell, even a crocodile hunter has a steadier job than this duck-tailed (and eventually beer-bellied) bum...
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Mary-Louise Weller and John Belushi in ANIMAL HOUSE |
This is when the gorgeous and classy Mandy Pepperidge-Blutarsky wound up realizing she could find a man with much better taste…
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Uma Thurman and Ving Rhames in PULP FICTION |
“Alright honey, I came clean about the overdose. But you never did tell me what happened at that pawn shop…”
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Jamie Lee Curtis and Dan Aykroyd in TRADING PLACES |
This marriage would fail for the same reason as the PRETTY WOMAN post above…
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Stephen Collins and Persis Khambatta in STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE |
“Where the hell are we? This isn’t Earth! I want a grilled cheese sandwich! And for God's sake, why doesn’t your hair grow!!!”
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DOOMED CINEMATIC RELATIONSHIPS BY JAMES M. TATE |
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Ha! Very cool post sir.
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