Written by James M. Tate / 8/29/2019 / No comments / action , amber heard , bagful , body count , horror , john carpenter , kurt russell , nineties , peter fonda , peter jason , sam neill , sequel , tens , zeroes
BLOODY BAGFUL OF MOSTLY UNNECESSARY JOHN CARPENTER FILMS
Kurt Russell surfing L.A. vs a shifty Steve Buscemi Year: 1996 |
The set-up has our ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK anti-hero Plissken, played by Kurt Russell returning as Carpenter's very own Sergio Leone era Clint Eastwood, now delivered in chains to the former City of Angels, which has become an island to itself after an immense earthquake predicted by a Commander-in-Chief so Right Wing he's more of an underline villain... Even compared to prison ruler Cuervo Jones, a Playboy Che Guevara type about to... take over the world, somehow, with the help of the President's daughter, caught awestruck under his revolutionary spell and, once again, Snake has a certain amount of digitally run-down time to find a particular gadget that, whether in the hands of the equally evil Far Left or Far Right leader, wouldn't be a good thing.
ESCAPE FROM LA Score: *1/2 |
In place of Ernest Borgnine's resilient guide Cabbie is Steve Buscemi, fitting within the retro styling during the crest of the Tarantino craze. One scene in particular, using some of that revitalized PULP FICTION guitar vibrato groove, Snake and hippie-dude Peter Fonda (doing a rambling druggie impersonation of his EASY RIDER co-star Dennis Hopper) actually surf a tsunami, which, faker looking than a Frankie and Annette picture, is unbelievable to witness, trumping even a scene involving Bruce Campbell as a mutant plastic surgeon.
Kurt Russell and Peter Fonda in Escape from LA |
Well this time around, Snake has to... get this... shoot hoops in an outdoor basketball court to save his skin... Making him not only an iconic criminal but both a champion NBA star and surfer in what has to be John Carpenter's worst venture; one that he never recovered from. Hell, compared to this, the maligned GHOST OF MARS and VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED is THE THING, or... ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK.
MADNESS Score: **1/2 |
year: 1995
cast: Sam Neill, Julie Carmen, David Warner, Peter Jason
director: John Carpenter
Decent
mindtrip/horror about a insurance investigator, Sam Neill, thrust in a
maniacal maze involving a famous writer's books turning the readers into
lunatics, including himself. Seeming at first like a gimmick from the
author's promotional department, including stuffy editor Julie Carmen
who joins Neill to a small town the author writes about (like Stephen
King's Castle Rock) where so many strange things happen it's hard to
keep up with the "madness", you'll never get bored trying to figure
what's real, a nightmare, or both at the same time. John Carpenter's
direction keeps the viewer interested, although the barrage of special
effects can get tiresome.
title: GHOSTS OF MARS
title: THE WARD
year: 2010
cast: Amber Heard, Jared Harris
Anyone hoping for the old John Carpenter… Or rather, the young John Carpenter’s old films… will be disappointed in this mind-trip thriller that only passes as a horror whenever the antagonist… the zombie of a former patient inside a psychiatric ward… shows up and kills.
The
plot is simple if nonexistent: A beautiful young girl is admitted into a
sanitarium, and she’s not sure why. All we know is she burned down a
house – and with some exposition-clues provided by chief doctor Jared
Harris, we’re led to believe there’s something else to learn: keeping
the viewer somewhat intrigued...
The inhabitants are five
beautiful girls, which seems pure Carpenter since HALLOWEEN served up young beauties as victims: but these chicks aren’t interesting enough to care about: even if they all act
crazy.
There are some good frights i.e. sudden unexpected jolts, but any director can pull that off. The only reminiscence of the master’s style is the first-person glide-cam; giving the feel the girls are being watched and stalked. But that persistent aura of dreaded doom, which makes any horror movie worthwhile, just isn’t there – unless the killer’s around to remind us to be scared while a thunderstorm persists outside. And the conclusion/twist is somewhat creative, but that’s for you to decide.
title: MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN
cast: Chevy Chase, Daryl Hannah, Sam Neill
MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN was an obvious attempt for John Carpenter to prove he could pull of a directing job for something he wasn't born to do, and the results are hit and miss, although you'll be surprised at how entertaining it all is, and in an old fashion kind of way...
Given that, Chevy Chase turns in a decent dramatic performance: that is, except for his contrived Noirish narration (the titular memoirs) or when he gets too angry at government killer Sam Neill, who wields the right amount of villainy to make the audience realize how scared Chase, a shallow playboy when he was visible, should be: And that's even after meeting too-good-to-be-true Daryl Hannah, who's never looked so good. Based on a Universal science fiction/horror classic, which Carpenter had tremendous luck with in remaking Universal's THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD, the once Master of Horror creates a decent, time-filling action picture that flows despite its dated special effects... even for back then.
VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED: John Carpenter attempted a horribly hokey science-fiction tale,
and in that, succeeded. The cast includes actors known for franchise
films including Christopher "Superman" Reeves, Mark
"Star Wars" Hamill, Kirstie "Look Who's Talking" Alley, Michael "Eddie
and the Cruisers" Pare, and Linda "Croc Dundee" Kozlowski as residents
of a town hit by a blackout that mysteriously impregnates the women,
nine months later giving birth on the same night to alien children who, a
few years later, become albino megaminds.
Despite the good cast, most of the acting is subpar, especially Mark Hamill who, as a preacher, delivers lines as if he too were possessed. The children, on the other hand, perform decently enough, but are held back by cheesy FX as their eyes radiate, taking away any real threat they might've had otherwise.
GHOSTS OF MARS Score: ** |
year: 2001
cast: Natasha Henstridge, Ice Cube, Pam Grier, Peter Jason
director: John Carpenter
The
first twenty minutes, as a group of soldiers ride a train into a
desolate town on Mars to decipher who's decapitating people,
is fairly decent, but then the action begins and there's simply too much
of it. Meanwhile, the bad guys are vampires resembling rejects from CATS, and most
of the good guys, especially Jason Stratham, become annoying and
cliched. And although Ice Cube, as a badass prisoner... the red herring
until the real menace is discovered... is horribly out of place,
delivering his lines with no energy or realism, star Natasha Henstridge
keeps the viewer interested, that is, if they choose to keep watching:
which can be a chore.
THE WARD Score: ** |
year: 2010
cast: Amber Heard, Jared Harris
Anyone hoping for the old John Carpenter… Or rather, the young John Carpenter’s old films… will be disappointed in this mind-trip thriller that only passes as a horror whenever the antagonist… the zombie of a former patient inside a psychiatric ward… shows up and kills.
Amber Heard, The Ward |
There are some good frights i.e. sudden unexpected jolts, but any director can pull that off. The only reminiscence of the master’s style is the first-person glide-cam; giving the feel the girls are being watched and stalked. But that persistent aura of dreaded doom, which makes any horror movie worthwhile, just isn’t there – unless the killer’s around to remind us to be scared while a thunderstorm persists outside. And the conclusion/twist is somewhat creative, but that’s for you to decide.
Daryl Hannah at her peak circa 1992 Score: *** |
cast: Chevy Chase, Daryl Hannah, Sam Neill
MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN was an obvious attempt for John Carpenter to prove he could pull of a directing job for something he wasn't born to do, and the results are hit and miss, although you'll be surprised at how entertaining it all is, and in an old fashion kind of way...
Given that, Chevy Chase turns in a decent dramatic performance: that is, except for his contrived Noirish narration (the titular memoirs) or when he gets too angry at government killer Sam Neill, who wields the right amount of villainy to make the audience realize how scared Chase, a shallow playboy when he was visible, should be: And that's even after meeting too-good-to-be-true Daryl Hannah, who's never looked so good. Based on a Universal science fiction/horror classic, which Carpenter had tremendous luck with in remaking Universal's THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD, the once Master of Horror creates a decent, time-filling action picture that flows despite its dated special effects... even for back then.
Year: 1995 Score: *** Full Review: Click Here |
Despite the good cast, most of the acting is subpar, especially Mark Hamill who, as a preacher, delivers lines as if he too were possessed. The children, on the other hand, perform decently enough, but are held back by cheesy FX as their eyes radiate, taking away any real threat they might've had otherwise.
Peter Fonda really should have walked out on this one; but it's the fun-baddest scene, and RIP |
Kurt Russell and Peter Fonda in Escape from LA |
Holy building, Batman, it's John Carpenter's swiss cheese effects of MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN |
Uncommon Valor hottie Constance Forslund in VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED |
Linda Koslowski in VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED with the director's credit |
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