NEW YEAR'S EVE

title: NEW YEARS EVE
year: 2011
cast: Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert DeNiro, Abigail Breslin
rating: *

What director Robert Altman perfected… an ensemble cast carrying an entire film through a weaving in-and-out of several stories, some connected more than others but all enveloped in one main theme… Garry Marshall has ruined, twice. First with VALENTINE’S DAY, which followed a group of lovestrucks leading up to the Hallmark holiday – and now we have NEW YEAR’S EVE where a group of eclectic idiots await the New Year countdown in New York City… And unlike its cheesy predecessor, it’s not even fun to bag on. The special guest stars are introduced like members of THE LOVE BOAT: these include Michelle Pfeiffer, sadly looking far past her prime, as a depressed working gal who quits her job and with the help of flavor of the month Zac Efron, she’s given a tour of the city to accomplish her strange resolutions. Also on board is Hillary Swank as the person responsible for raising the New Year’s ball. Sara Jessica Parker as the mother of the now teenaged LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE actress Abigail Breslin, who longs to kiss her dreamboy at midnight. There’s Robert DeNiro in yet another “what’s he doing in this movie?” role as a dying man in a hospital; his last wish to go outside to make the countdown. Ashton Kutcher and “that girl from Glee” are stuck in an elevator, and wouldn’t you know it – she sings! Two couples race to have a baby on the New Year to win a contest. And Jon Bon Jovi plays himself – but with another name – as a rock star who’s ex girlfriend sulks around and… There’s really no use of setting up these stories since none of them amount to anything, and worst of all, they all begin with an assumption that we, as an audience, would care in the first place.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2011)

title: THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
year: 2011
cast: Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer
rating: ***

The first half of this intense, cerebral thriller, based on a novel made into a popular foreign film, hands off between two stories: one has a maligned reporter investigating the death of a young girl forty years earlier on an island inhabited by a rich and powerful family; the other a punk rock hacker tough chick dealing with a seedy government worker who doles out her allowance. The two leads, played by Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara, are in fact connected from the beginning: she was hired to get the digs on his prior investigation that landed him in hot water. Eventually the two join up to solve the murder, or rather, disappearance of the young girl... and the real work begins. Director David Fincher piles on the right amount of Neo-Noir intensity, and although a particular rape scene might be a bit much for mainstream viewers, it pays off later. And after the two leads join up to tackle Craig's case they make for a unique contradictory duo: the dapper reporter and the rogue punker with that particular tattoo yet her real importance is how she can hack into computers with ease. But when their partnership turns sexual it seems forced and tacked-on: Although Rooney makes a desirably subliminal ingenue and Craig has that quiet tough guy thing going, together they have the sexual chemistry of Tom and Jerry. Other downfalls include a predictable turnout – both the killer and the fate of the victim can be seen from a mile off. And the last twenty minutes involving Craig’s redemption as a journalist thanks to his wily partner… after the main story ends with a rather clichéd torture scene followed by a quickie road chase… feels like Fincher didn’t quite know how, or when, to end the film. But the tense, intriguing buildup is everything here: and with darkly foreboding scenery and soundtrack connected like an esthetically morbid Siamese twin, it’s a unique film that, whether you’re familiar with the story or not, will mesmerize… if you let it.

THE ARTIST

title: THE ARTIST
year: 2011
cast: Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo
rating: ****

Silent films, as we all know, are a thing of the past… Yet with all the noisy, cliché ridden big budget flicks lately, something like THE ARTIST is long overdue. Story centers on a silent film era swashbuckler George Valentin, who mugs his way through his signature movies like a true… artist. He’s a bit carried away with himself but isn’t smug about it: He’s proudly on top of his game and that’s that. Enter the gorgeous Peppy Miller, who, as a climbing bit player/extra, lives up to her first name with classic beauty to match. She winds up the dance partner in one of Valentin’s movies, and thus begins a subliminal love story that words needn’t explain in this unique film by writer/director Michel Hazanavicius that uses title cards, melodramatic music, and facial expressions to replace dialog. A few offbeat scenes that involve Valentin – after Talking Pictures i.e. Talkies make his career defunct – hallucinating fictional characters and hearing actual noises seem too much a TWILIGHT ZONE episode. But the movie never strays too far from the simple story of a man past his prime and a woman who’s not only beginning to shine, but with a “secret” that might give our hero a second chance… if he can get past his own navel. Familiar faces include John Goodman as a Hal Roach type director, James Cromwell as a faithful butler, and Penelope Anne Miller as Valentin’s bitter wife. But the show truly belongs to imports Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo, whose energetic turns are splendid gifts for classic film buffs: they not only convey every emotion possible but dance like the actors and actresses from the golden age of cinema: without seeming like an imitation and/or a homage to the real thing. But the best performer might just be Uggo as Valentin’s trick-laden terrier, embodying his on-screen co-star, off-screen best friend, and much more. If there were only an Oscar for animals, he’d beat that War Horse by a long shot.

WE BOUGHT A ZOO

year: 2011 cast: Matt Damon, Scarlett Johansson rating: ***

Here's a farfetched premise remarkably based on a true story that includes a good cast, great tunes (including Bob Dylan), and loads of the usual sunny optimism ala director Cameron Crowe to make even the biggest flaws not matter.

Matt Damon, six months after losing his wife, takes his two children – a sweet little girl and a brooding teenage boy – to find a new house in a new town. Turns out their dream home is on the property of... a zoo!

Most of the film deals with the restoration and coping with the sporadic obstacles including an uptight inspector who could shut everything down; an aged sick tiger; a dangerous bear; and worst of all, dwindling funds.

Scarlett Johansson is a nice distraction, serving more than the obvious love-interest. As chief of operations and the only real expert on board, she’s the one character who keeps it all moving.

It’s fun seeing the zoo morph from a shamble to the real thing, but overlong scenes dealing with the teenage son – too deep and honest to be realistic – ruins the overall flow... As do moments when the little girl tries way too hard to win the cutie pie of the year award.

But with all the people and animals on board, it’s really Damon’s solo venture: In dealing with the memory of his wife while battling constant snags that could keep his dreams from coming true, he's a down-home protagonist to not only care about, but root for.

WAR HORSE

title: WAR HORSE
year: 2011
cast: Jeremy Irvine, Niels Arestrup, Celine Buckens
rating: **

In 1979's THE BLACK STALLION, it took only the first glance by a kid and a horse to build a connection that would carry through the entire film. That kind of emotional synergy is not only lacking in this old school epic directed by Steven Spielberg, but is practically nonexistent. We begin with a horse that, after being auctioned and sold to a poor farmer who spent more than it's worth, is tamed by his son to plow the fields: even though it’s not built for this kind of work. Spielberg spends too much attention on the dusky skyline, the searing soundtrack, and the gorgeous scenery that the characters seem like props in the background. When World War I breaks out, the horse is sold – along with a black horse that seems its counterpart – and we’re handed off to a new owner: a young British soldier equally entranced as the father and son. The battles scenes are filmed wonderfully, the camera rolling with the action as bombs blast like they’re right behind us – but once again, the characters get lost in the visual spectacle. But it’s when the horses find harbor in a small French farm, hidden by a wise old man (Niels Arestrup) and his beautiful granddaughter (Celine Buckens), that the only real connection occurs. In one suspenseful scene, the girl hides the mares as German officers arrive to take what they need, and we finally have a human story. Meanwhile, the farmer's son, and supposedly the main protagonist, is thrown back into the movie as a soldier in the front lines… And although his battle scenes are somewhat intense, where’s the plot we paid for? If this were about the young girl and the creature she risked her life to protect, it would have been a much better, more meaningful film. But the main problem is the horse itself – although being an extremely talented “actor,” as a character with so many captivated owners, the relationship with its original family means very little by the end.

GUINEVERE

title: GUINEVERE
year: 1999
cast: Sarah Polley, Stephen Rae, Jean Smart
rating: ***1/2

At last, a LOLITA for modern audiences and not treated like your typical male fantasy. Stephen Rae, possessing a sly charm tucked within a tragic countenance, is perfect in the role as a struggling artist/photographer named Connie who takes in young female “students,” referring to them as Guinevere. Sarah Polley is Harper, a melancholy rich girl who lacks enthusiasm for life and especially art, until meeting the free-spirited photographer at her sister’s wedding. She needs guidance from an experienced mentor and most importantly, a place to crash, where she gets lessons in love and possibly becoming a future artist, contrary to what she considers a boring, mathematical lineage. Her uptight suburban family’s dissociated from the ineffectually hip city folk: especially the mother played by Jean Smart who – in one scene as she tears Connie apart in a viciously condescending monotone – practically steals the show. And although it’s not always apparent what Connie has over Harper and the string of former students, including Gina Gershon and Sandra Oh, and his health decline is a bit rushed towards the end, Rae plays the character so genuinely the flaws don’t matter: it’s a beautifully filmed character-study about life, love, art, and understanding where each one belongs.

THE CHANGE-UP

title: THE CHANGE-UP
year: 2011
cast: Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds, Olivia Wilde
rating: **

The FREAKY FRIDAY template is used in the raunchy comedy genre: involving a mild-mannered suburban father/workaholic lawyer Jason Bateman changing bodies with his womanizing actor best friend Ryan Reynolds. We don’t get to know each character’s contrary lifestyles, or personalities therein, to merit a significant change when it occurs (they both drunkenly pee in a fountain at the same time), which is important since the entire plot resides on how each guy reacts to living a different lifestyle. The jokes try too hard to push the how-far-can-we-go envelope, making each moment involving their uncomfortable circumstances – Bateman’s hunted by his sexy secretary while Reynolds changes diapers and lands deals in the office – seem secondary to the dialog's shock value. But while Jason Bateman never enjoys his “vacation” taking on the single man’s life he so whined about during the first ten minutes, Reynolds, after a while, does seem genuinely contented with his neglected wife. It’s when they switch back to normal, and the envelope is sealed, we realize the movie wasn’t completely pointless… these poor fellas went through hell and back, after all... but is it worth sitting through all over again?

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCOL

year: 2011 cast: Tom Cruise, Paula Patton, Jeremy Renner rating: ****

If you thought the new Superman movie hasn’t hit theaters yet, think again...

Tom Cruise, returning in the fourth installment of MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, needs only a cape to be a comic book hero. And thankfully, all the extraordinarily grandiose action occurs within a tight plot and the rest of his team... including Paula Patton as a smart and gorgeous agent, Simon Pegg as the comic relief hacker, and Jeremy Renner as an ace who doesn’t show all his cards at once... add equally to the proceedings.

Beginning with a jailbreak from a Russian prison and ending with a good old fashion nuclear crisis, the action never stops – but there are enough pockets of downtime to reboot the characters, and the audience, onto the next level. And it takes all four members working overtime to catch up with a villain named Hendricks, who, in triggering a bomb in Russia blamed on the IMF, skips around with the maligned, desperate team – more covert than ever having been stripped of their status – close on his trail.

A standout segment occurs in Dubai within, and outside of, the tallest building in the world – fitting to the tallest tale in the world, but one that, with each second metered in a calculating, suspenseful precision, will keep even the most stringent fans of the spy genre fulfilled despite the fact it’s more escapist fantasy than a legitimate espionage.

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

title: MY WEEK WITH MARILYN
year: 2011
cast: Michelle Williams, Eddie Redmayne, Kenneth Branagh
rating: ***

At this point, Marilyn Monroe is known for just about everything except movies. Her image alone represents beauty as something eternal; since she died young, perfection is all we’re left with. So here’s a film about Monroe the actress, chosen by British icon Laurence Olivier to co-star in his 1957 comedy THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL. The first half has Monroe faltering and floundering, unable to get any line right – and by the end she’s stealing the picture, supposedly causing Olivier to return to the stage… But where’s the arc? Well it’s that middle ground the film (based on a memoir) is named after – the week long friendship between Marilyn and Colin Clark, played with noble naiveté by Eddie Redmayne, who, from a rich family and interested in show business, lands a job as third assistant director. Through his awestruck eyes we see Marilyn, not only as a timid starlet overmatched against the British dynamo, but a sweet natured, pill-popping victim of circumstance. The relationship between Marilyn and Clark lacks depth, and seems more of a fantastical valentine to a beautiful mirage than a genuine relationship, or a substantial film bio, which, if more attention was given to Kenneth Branagh as the frustrated Olivier trying to harness Monroe into his kind of performer, this would be more of. But Michelle Williams’s portrayal of the vulnerable bombshell makes everything work despite the fact that, being no match to the real Norma Jean esthetically, her performance becomes more than a lookalike/imitation: she really gets inside and pulls something out.

YOUNG ADULT

title: YOUNG ADULT
year: 2011
cast: Charlize Theron
rating: *1/2

A selfish, beautiful, irate, desperate, greedy, cunning woman returns to her small town to snare her high school sweetheart Buddy Slade, who’s proudly married with a newborn baby. Charlize Theron is Mavis Gary, the hardened, boozing author of a young adult series with just enough bitterness to make for a fun anti-heroine. But when she meets a former schoolmate at a bar… an overweight geek who was beaten and crippled for being homosexual even though he wasn’t… the movie hits a wall way too soon. Although Patton Oswalt plays tubby underdog Matt Freehauf with sincerity, his character, in constantly warning Mavis about her plan to break up Buddy’s family, and then their comfortable drinking kinship thereafter, deletes any spontaneous edge she’d have otherwise. The intriguing plotline becomes a simplistic character-study of two polar opposites complaining about their lives – and the film goes nowhere. Even when Mavis makes her moves on Buddy Slade, who, played by Patrick Wilson, looks good but hardly has a pulse, it never seems she has anything to really gain or lose, nor is there a substantial motivation for her actions. Then the very ending, as dark comedy turns to uncomfortable melodrama when Mavis confronts – and is confronted by – Buddy's wife and her friends during an outdoor party, the film fizzles into nowhere: leading to one of the grossest sex scenes in cinematic history... followed by an early morning conversation that could have succeeded in a darkly humorous epilogue if only director Jason Reitman, or writer Diablo Cody, knew what kind of movie they were making in the first place.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

title: SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS
year: 2011
cast: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Jared Harris
rating: **1/2

The usual template for an action-packed sequel is to outdo the original with more explosions, fights, etc., and although there are some of these elements, mostly we have an 18th century cold-war thriller where Holmes and Watson take on the evil Professor Moriarty, played by a sneering Jared Harris, who, through bombing buildings, wants to ignite a sort of World War III… only thing is, there hasn’t been a First World War yet. But that’s how it all plays out: in a James Bond meets Tom Clancy meets modern day headlines with a few good fights and not enough of what makes this new Sherlock Holmes, and the original Inspector created by author Conan Doyle, work: the steel-trapped brain that can figure out anything to solve a crime. There’s little mystery involved since we quickly learn the intentions of the bad guy – to start a few fake battles to cause a real big one – and the bickering relationship between Holmes and Watson has dwindled considerably, making it less humorous but ultimately allowing Jude Law’s Watson to be more than a straight man, especially during the climax. Robert Downey Jr. displays the essential offbeat charm but seems to be holding back at times. And while Rachel McAdams provides a mere cameo, Noomi Repace steps in as a fortune teller whose brothers have joined Moriarty to… well that’s all part the plot and, while somewhat convoluted and lacking the sparse punch of the original, there remains that essential string tugging the audience along to the next suspense-filled obstacle: too bad there’s not enough of them this time around. And those narrated brainstorms during perilous situations... careening us back to the action at hand... seem more forced than imperative. But the stuff that does work, like a fight on a train, makes for a pretty good time.

LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE: THE MUSIC BOX

title: LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE: THE MUSIC BOX
year: 1977
cast: Melissa Gilbert, Alison Arngrim, Katy Kurtzman
rating: ***1/2

That infamous rich bitch Nellie Oleson has a music box and poor little Laura Ingalls really, really wants it. It’s that simple? You wish! Laura, after swiping the box from Nellie’s bedroom during a private club meeting, hides it in her barn. And whenever needing a “fix,” she goes inside and listens to the chiming, metronomic tune that, after hearing it a dozen times, might drive you crazy. It sure does Laura… as the tune permeates into surreal, creepy, guilt-driven nightmares. The standout guest star is Katy Kurtzman, who in the next season would play a young Caroline Ingalls… Here she’s a sweet stuttering prairie girl named Annie who Nellie keeps from joining her club because… she’s just not normal enough, in Nellie's estimation, to belong. During one scene Nellie recites an impromptu poem that seems written by Mohammed Ali: “A chicken can squawk and a butterfly can flutter… But Anna can’t talk… All she can do is stutter!” This (and other classic Bad Nellie moments) makes for a classic episode: Especially after she catches Laura with the Music box and blackmails her into a form of mental slavery. And as Laura conceals the truth, she breaks poor Anna’s heart... All leading to a climactic emotional scene that proves Katy Kurtzman, who stutters and cries at the same time, was one talented child actress.

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN

year: 2011 voices: Andy Serkis, Jamie Bell rating: ***1/2

Steven Spielberg’s computer animated adventure about a young boy Tintin, his little white dog Snowy, and an endearingly drunken Captain Haddock might be too much of a good thing – but it’s a good thing nonetheless.

The frantic action is non-stop: from the minute Tintin sees a model ship called THE UNICORN, he’s dead set on buying it. But a few seedy characters want it for themselves and the daring young investigative reporter needs to find out why – all having to do with the lineage of the underdog alcoholic Captain, held hostage at sea by the main antagonist: a greedy yet cunningly classy villain named Sakharine, much like Belloq from Spielberg’s RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, which this movie tries hard to emulate by wielding a constant handing-off of perilous escapades.

The problem is we don’t get to know any of the characters enough (who'd be more interesting if they were actually human) to really care about them, or take part emotionally in their quest: which is too hackneyed to sustain genuine interest, although the dialog sets up each situation well enough and there are a few semi-witty moments by two keystone cops.

But the best scenes involve Haddock, voiced wonderfully by Andy Serkis, recalling his father’s pirate ship battles: the imagery of the tale surrounding the scene as he talks. And the rambunctious Snowy merely provides a peripheral mascot to the action, yet he’s a character worth loving for no other reason than being furry and cute.

As for Tintin, he’s got a heart for adventure but why exactly? Well perhaps it doesn’t matter… If you want two hours of nothing but thrills, this will do it for you. With the constantly moving camera gliding in, out, up and around like a ghost on pep pills, it feels more like producer Peter Jackson’s baby than Spielberg’s. But it’s the John Williams score, and the feeling of being young again, that gives the iconic director his signature throughout. 

HANNA

year: 2011 cast: Saoirse Ronan, Cate Blanchett, Eric Bana, Jessica Barden, Paris Arrowsmith rating: ***

The opening and closing sequences, mirroring each other in content and closure, envelope this unique action/suspense in such a clever fashion you’ll forget the flaws.

Our taut story centers on a teenage girl, Hanna, raised in the snowy Finland wilderness, displaying cunning agile as she hunts deer and learns from her mentor/father played by Eric Bana, making the most of a small (but important) amount of screen time.

But soon enough, wary of her claustrophobic, contained anonymity, Hanna decides to venture into civilization, warned she’d be hunted by federal agents – one in particular played by Cate Blanchett, as coolly calculating as the titular protagonist sans the chaste sympathy of youth.

Hanna’s adventure is tight and suspenseful as she, after a seemingly easy yet downright bloody escape – dad trained her to get out of any situation – travels across Europe with deadly agents on her tail. The metronomic techno soundtrack not only works as a hypnotic score but seems a robotic muse keeping the daring phenom alive and kicking to the next venture.

Along the way she meets… and surreptitiously joins up with… a family consisting of father, mother, son, and teenage daughter (smitten with Hanna's rogue naivete), and the film hits a wall – that Hanna smashes through once the agents tail her again.

Blanchett displays the right amount of detached evil to counter our heroine's equally determined quest to survive, and more importantly, the persistence to discover her true origins which, once disclosed, makes things clearer for an audience that, having suspended disbelief this long, are willing to accept just about anything.

Saoirse Ronan (THE LOVELY BONES) is great in the lead role: with narrowed eyes and the right amount of tomboyish beauty, she's a sublime mix of naïve innocence and lethal cunning. Not a perfect film, but it should keep you interested.

RENT HANNA ON NETFLIX

GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, LORD OF THE APES

title: GREYSTOKE
year: 1984
cast: Christopher Lambert
rating: **

While being a more faithful rendition of Tarzan, the ape lord created by Edgar Rice Burroughs turned into an endearing airhead in older films, the brooding saga, made by CHARIOTS OF FIRE director Hugh Hudson, ultimately misses the vine.

The prologue introduces us to the gorillas in their African jungle habitat during a volcanic eruption, seeming like a creation of sorts. The simians (created by Rick Baker) are esthetically pleasing but all their screams get annoying, and they never feel like characters to invest time in.

The humans in England are a bit more deserving our attention… Ralph Richardson, in his final screen role, plays the Earl of Greystoke: consisting of a giant mansion sprawled along a plush countryside. His son Jack, discontented with easy living, takes his wife to Africa where, after a shipwreck (that we unfortunately never witness) is stranding in the jungle and…

Let’s cut to the chase: the parents die and their infant is raised by apes. The scenes with the young Tarzan (who’s never referred to as such) are wonderful looking, but the coming-of-ape montage cuts so sporadically we never feel he’s in any danger, nor is an effective kinship established with his new parental figures. He grows to be Christopher Lambert, with narrowed eyes and swiftly cunning agility, but he seems more posing the role than performing it.

Eventually Tarzan aka John Clayton is taken by Ian Holm, the surviving member of a massacred hunting party – after much too easy tutoring lessons to make him more human – to be with his grandfather in England.

Here’s where a real story could have sunk in... but the scenes skip around so much it's like half a film – and a long one at that. As Lambert makes noises like lions, and leaps around bedrooms like an ape, it often feels more parody than serious; and Andie McDowell's dubbed voice (by Glenn Close) is preposterously distracting.

All in all, our titular hero’s never successfully established as the lord of the jungle or a man trying to find his place in England. Even Ian Holm tells Clayton to realize he’s human in order to fit into the jungle or civilization. Too bad for the audience he never really does.

CASINO

year: 1995 cast: Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, Sharon Stone rating: **

During the first part, as we learn the ins and outs of a 1970s and '80s Las Vegas casino… taking us so close to the mechanics of the operation we feel part of the roulette table or the dice rolling across... is intentionally created in the same fashion director Martin Scorsese showed us the mob's operation in GOODFELLAS.

But then something happens, or stops happening, or both.

The main character, Sam "Ace" Rothstein, played by Robert De Niro, is a man of mind, not action. He’s to gambling what Scorsese is to directing… a natural… and the casino itself becomes an absorbing character: we feel pulse of the machines, and the men behind the scenes, keeping the moneymaking beast alive while protecting her from cheaters, con artists, and crooked politicians.

Enter Joe Pesci as Nicky, Rothstein’s childhood friend: the muscle who's cocky, dangerous, and ultimately undependable. And the flavor of the month, Sharon Stone, as Sam’s trophy girlfriend turned wife, Ginger, who becomes the apple of his eye – and soon, for a man who seemed infallible, nothing matters but trusting a woman who repeatedly warned him not to.

The movie hits a wall with the escalating relationship between Sam and Ginger, but it was faltering beforehand – De Niro, Pesci, and some of the other shady characters, although colorful and formidable, aren’t very interesting nor are they people to care about – unlike GOODFELLAS, RAGING BULL, or TAXI DRIVER, they all seem more written than real.

The duel-narration, beautifully wielded in GOODFELLAS between Ray Liotta and Lorraine Bracco, works and it doesn’t: De Niro’s metronomic account of the proceedings is fine in the beginning, giving us a firsthand account of how the casino runs from the inside, but it becomes a rambling safety net for the lack of a streamlined plot: especially when his business luck turns sour.

Meanwhile Joe Pesci’s counterpoint is completely unnecessary, sounding like a goon version of Bugs Bunny, filling us with details better left for the audience to figure on their own. And the last half runs itself completely ragged: juggling a doomed love story straight out of a nighttime soap with Ace and Nicky's doomed friendship that meanders to a predictably violent conclusion (and they never seemed that tight to begin with for an unraveling to really matter).

If Scorsese and scriptwriter Nicholas Pillegi stuck closer to the Casino, perhaps the film, and characters, might have had more purpose. What we’re left with is too much style without substance.

And (spoiler alert) has there ever been a character more deserving a bloody death than James Wood's pimp/hustler who not only repeatedly steals Stone from DeNiro, but kidnaps, and continually threatens, his daughter? While we witness the immense, overboard bloodshed of everyone else, James comes out with a few bruises. What the hell were they thinking?!

THE FOREST

title: THE FOREST
year: 1982
cast: Gary Kent, Corky Pigeon, Elaine Warner
rating: **1/2

The set-up to this woodsy body count low budget slasher: the massacre of two couples arriving at the forest... The women first and their boyfriends, who, for some reason, arrive later on... Is merely a bizarre platform for a subplot involving the ghosts of two children and their crazy, cannibalistic father played by director Don Jones's stock actor Gary Kent (SCHOOLGIRLS IN CHAINS), who kills, then eats, all females that cross his path. A lot of activity, including a backstory involving the then-normal dad, kids, and a cheating wife just screaming to be killed keeps you interested enough to forget it's yet another FRIDAY THE 13th ripoff, but with a unique personality all its own.

THE SITTER

title: THE SITTER
year: 2011
cast: Jonah Hill, Sam Rockwell
rating: *

During the opening credits, the name David Simkins doesn't appear anywhere... He's the writer of ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING, the 1987 comedy starring Elizabeth Shue as a reluctant, frustrated teen who takes the kids downtown to help a friend; then gets chased by bad guys and... Everything else that this movies imitates. Jonah Hill wields his usual mellow guy with stunned sarcasm but his signature dry humor's all dress up with nowhere to go. Most of the time he's putting up with each child's annoying personality: the little girl wears makeup, sings dirty lyrics, and sprays perfume in his mouth; her neurotic older (but still young) brother takes pills to feel normal; and an adopted Puerto Rican boy blows up toilets. From one dull situation to the next, it never seems the characters are in any real danger, even though a maniacal drug dealer, overacted by Sam Rockwell, wants them all dead. And the biggest (unintentional) laugh occurs when an extremely gorgeous girl admits she's had a crush on Hill since high school, and even acts nervous around him. Makes you wonder, is the overweight actor playing himself: a millionaire movie star? This is perhaps one of the worst comedies in a long time, going in one ear and out the other: like a bullet from a shotgun. And a particular scene where Hill gives one of the kids advice on life is so politically-correct, you'll long for days when comedies were meant for laughs, not agendas.

BLOOD BEACH

title: BLOOD BEACH

year: 1981

cast: David Huffman, Marianna Hill, John Saxon

rating: ***

This beach-set horror/suspense is yet another JAWS clone in the spirit of ALLIGATOR and PIRANHA, and has all the elements including the Sheriff, his trusty gal, and an airhead deputy. Throw in some established character-actors like Burt Young, Otis Young, and John Saxon as politically-strapped law officials and you have yourself a low-budget thriller that works despite itself. The random sand-slurping deaths are entertaining as hell, and there's a semi intriguing mystery involving what exactly is underneath. Marianna Hill, Fredo's trophy wife from THE GODFATHER, makes for a terrific screeching ingenue, and BIG WEDNESDAY alumni Darrell Fetty's unexpected death scene (pictured) is one of the best in low-low budget cinema. But the film hits a wall when the underdwellers are revealed in their monstrous form, proving once again: less is more.

SHERLOCK HOLMES

title: SHERLOCK HOLMES
year: 2009
cast: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law
rating: ***1/2

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the real Sherlock Holmes, consisting of stories and novels written about the great British sleuth who could lasso facts like most people breathe, is not only spinning in his grave – he’s doing karate kicks. Okay, well, there are tons of liberties taken to change the lanky cerebral Inspector into an ass kicking, pit-fighting lunatic, but it’s a lot of fun. Robert Downey Jr. has the right amount of askew charisma in playing the fanatical Holmes, who would be lost without his better half… that being Doctor Watson, just as calm and calculated as his boss is spontaneous and quirky. But the rogue Inspector can figure out just about anything in seconds flat, and that’s the most fun: the lightning-speed fashion Downey gathers facts and deduces clues: about both crimes and people. But this is somewhat hindered by a heavy that, being a wraith-like leader of a Satanic cult, feels more of a world-dominating Bond villain, providing less mystery for our heroes who spend the most time fighting antagonists like revved up action stars. But the fights flow nicely, and the gorgeous Olde England location feels like a ragged bedlam character in itself. Downey and Judd Law, portraying Watson with the right amount of frustrated woe, have great chemistry – and there are terrific one-liners and brainy, scheming dialog that will keep the viewer alert even after they’ve stop caring about the turnout. And Rachel McAdams as the poisoned apple of Holmes’s eye adds an unpredictable vitality whenever needed: acting both as the love interest and the one person our titular hero can’t control or figure out. CLICK HERE for SHERLOCK HOLMES: GAME OF SHADOWS review.

DAY OF THE ANIMALS

year: 1977 cast: Christopher George, Leslie Neilson, Andrew Stevens rating: **

A limp eco-horror about wilderness animals going berserk because of the man-caused depletion of the ozone layer. The critter madness occurs during a hiking trip: consisting of an ensemble cast led by Christopher George.

There's no mystery involved as to why the beasts, mostly birds (Hitchcock, anyone?) and then wolves and German Shepards have become deadly since the movie begins with a scrawl teaching us: "According to scientists, what you're about to see is possible."

Unlike FROGS, PIRANHA, and KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS, the characters/victims are paper-thin and uninteresting, except Leslie Nielsen as an temperamental bully who suddenly becomes a raping caveman.

The body count dwindles quickly during the last half hour; ironically, this is when the film improves upon the terribly boring lead-up consisting of what looks like stock footage of wildlife seeming friendly enough save for a foreboding soundtrack.

SURVIVING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

title: SURVIVING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

year: 2001

cast: Dawn Welles, Bob Denver, Russell Johnson

rating: ***1/2

Sit right back and hear a tale of three actors who starred in an iconic series that is to reruns what rain is to Seattle. This is one of the best pseudo-documentaries ever. Covers the birth, life and relatively quick death of the iconic sixties sitcom GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. Actors play the young cast members but what really makes this standout is the actual performers, Dawn Welles (also the producer), Bob Denver and Russell Johnson appearing during the film, throwing in bits of information and in one scene, Welles gives the girl playing herself advice on how to wear her hair: making sure it's not like Tina Louise aka Ginger, the only antagonist of the story: being a primadonna who not only disliked the show but stirred light havoc on set. The actor playing Welles doesn't look much like her, but her friendly down-home charm is infectious. Gilligan looks okay but seems too young, the Howells are doing imitations, but the best performance is Eric Allan Kramer, not only looking and talking like The Skipper, Alan Hale Jr., but making the Gilligan actor seem more legitimate. The only downtime are random stories about Backus and Natalie Schafer, feeling out of place and unnecessary, distracting from what works: the uphill battle of producer Sherwood Schwartz, played with arm-chair ease by Aaron Lustig, as he sticks by his show: which was despised by the studio and critics but adored by audiences... still.

BOBBIE JO AND THE OUTLAW

year: 1976 cast: Marjoe Gortner, Lynda Carter, Merrie Lynn Ross rating: ***

B-Movie director Mark L. Lester makes his own BONNIE AND CLYDE, and it's hit and miss... but even the misses hit the mark occasionally.

The first twenty minutes, as rogue "outlaw" Marjoe Gortner (fastest draw in a Wild West sideshow) and carhop/waitress Lynda Carter hook up, is somewhat forced and the acting isn't great i.e. the performances, while fitting the low-budget exploitation genre, don't live up to the performers.

But when Bobbie's stripper sister Merrie Lynn Ross and her spontaneously lethal husband Jesse Vint join the renegades, aided by Belinda Balaski as Bobbie's dorky waitress friend, things pick up as the gang travels from one bank job to the next.

The bank heists are involving, providing our antiheroes a platform to rile customers and really take charge. Here we learn which member of the gang is fit for the life of crime. While on the outside realm, Gene Evans lends merit as the silly... but ultimately dangerous... Sheriff: the closer the cops move in, the more intense things get.

There's funny banter between the bank robbing antagonists, an eclectic lot sharing stuffy motel rooms along the lonesome highway, leading to some fantastic moments, especially with Vint's constant adlibs.

Despite being Gortner's film, Jesse steals this road show. His character, being the loose-cannon with his mouth and gun, provides an unpredictable factor essential in any exploitation with a vibe of underlined violence. And while Lynda Carter is the mainliner in the female department, and looks as incredible as ever, Merrie Lynn Ross, reminiscent of a Film Noir gun moll, is a far more interesting character (she also produced the film).

Mark L. Lester's direction during action scenes are top-notch, the shootouts (including tons of slow-mo) are Peckinpah-inspired. And the rambling country music keeps things rolling nicely in this decent shoot-em-up drive-in flick.

THREE TOUGH GUYS

title: THREE TOUGH GUYS

year: 1974

cast: Lino Ventura, Isaac Hayes, Fred Williamson

rating: ***1/2

The actual title is TOUGH GUYS and was then changed to THREE TOUGH GUYS after Fred Williamson, who plays a small but important role as the villain, gained popularity and the title song mentions TWO TOUGH GUYS, being that the film centers mainly on imported Italian star Lino Ventura as a renegade, revenge-seeking, ten-speed riding priest who teams with rogue cop Isaac Hayes. The strange pair hop from arcade to bar to empty warehouse beating up baddies or getting beat up, kidnapped, or both. Lightweight find-the-killer plot blends neatly with sporadic, swift-paced action occurring between unimportant bouts of dubbed, but somewhat involving, dialog. (And if you want some superb instrumental music, check out Isaac Hayes DOUBLE FEATURE: TRUCK TURNER AND THREE TOUGH GUYS, both albums full of soulful/jazzy/funky/rocking orchestrations far superior than the generic versions within either film.)

FIVE BLOODY GRAVES

title: FIVE BLOODY GRAVES

year: 1970

cast: Robert Dix, Scott Brady, John Carradine

rating: ***

A more suitable title for this exploitation-Western would be VALLEY OF DEATH, as a ragtag group consisting of cowboys, hookers and a preacher get picked off by Indians who appear from the rocks whenever the dialog runs its course. Add to this a jazzy game-show score and Death as the narrator, philosophizing why each character must die, sometimes even giving it away but that's alright, because in this doomed situation: death is the main character. A campy yet brilliant low budget Western with some terrific actors like Scott Brady (who dies gallantly), Jim Davis as a scumbag rapist, and John Carradine as a pistol-wielding preacher, but none work too hard except John Bud Cardos in duo-roles as a friendly Indian and a bad one, the latter battling star (and writer) Robert Dix, firmly strident throughout, in the knife-wielding climax that begins on a cliff top and winds up in a river and down a waterfall: THE QUIET MAN be damned.

THE NORLISS TAPES

title: THE NORLISS TAPES

year: 1973

cast: Roy Thinnes, Angie Dickenson, Claude Akins

rating: **

Even Dan Curtis's good made-for-TV movies, like "The Night Stalker", "The Night Prowler", and "Trilogy of Terror", often lean towards overkill, and that's not a bad thing when there's enough suspenseful build-up to merit a crashing climax. This movie, about a missing writer who's left behind audio tapes for a book debunking witchcraft, plays out 95% backstory, showing the author - his recorded voice providing narration - investigating a woman's account of her husband, buried in the basement, coming back to life. The awakened man-monster, with a blue face, fangs, and nasty temper, appears way too soon instead of lurking in the shadows where he, and any good horror film antagonist, belongs... at least till they earn it.

CALIFORNIA SPLIT

title: CALIFORNIA SPLIT

year: 1974

cast: George Segal, Elliott Gould

rating: ****1/2

Robert Altman delves smoothly into the world of low-rent gambling with George Segal as a debt-burdened writer and Elliott Gould as a jobless loser playing poker, betting on horses, sharing women and spontaneous conversations. From their humble beginnings in California, to their misadventures in Nevada, to the conclusion in Reno, this is a grand odd-couple character-study where gambling is more than a device, but a character in itself: the phantom antagonist. At times Altman's loose, improvisational style is wonderfully voyeuresque, and there's always a new street-savvy, bickering situation to struggle through. Segal proves once again he's not just a funnyman banjo player. And for Gould, it's the perfect follow-up to Altman's THE LONG GOODBYE, only he's more hyperactive and troublesome, while Segal provides the base. Highlights include the random confrontations between the boys and mustached bully Edward Walsh, brother of actor Joseph (THE DRIVER) Walsh, who wrote the script and plays a crippled bookie.

BUSTING

title: BUSTING

year: 1974

cast: Elliott Gould, Robert Blake, Allen Garfield

rating: ***1/2

A very hard to find seventies crime drama with Elliott Gould and Robert Blake as vice cops busting gay bars, low-rent hookers, sex shops and high price call girls, then eventually stumbling upon a bigwig pimp played by underrated Allen Garfield, and his henchman Sig Haig who, it turns out, doesn't have to do much since his boss owns the courts and the cops. Gould and Blake go on their own to nab Garfield with predictable results, although the adventurous climb to the top, by hanging at the bottom, is quite enjoyable, and a FRENCH CONNECTION-style foot chase in an outdoor bizarre makes for very addictive pleasure. Blake, unlit cigarette in mouth, is warming up for his famous TV-gig a year later, and Gould's performance is natural and easy but with some intensity.

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

title: THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

year: 1977

cast: Roger Moore, Barbara Bach, Richard Kiel

rating: ****1/2

A James Bond film with everything: including a side-story involving the Bond girl, played by sexy Barbara Bach as a Russian spy, with a secret personal agenda to kill the glib, dapper spy as revenge for her boyfriend's death, care of 007, during an intense downhill-ski sequence: one of many terrific chase scenes that occur practically non-stop from beginning to end. Kurt Jurgens is nicely understated as the main villain dictating an undersea compound, but it's Richard Kiel as Russian henchman "Jaws", a mute, silver-toothed seven-foot-plus unbreakable thug, who poses the real threat. The action, roving from one near-death sequence to the next, keeps outdoing itself and, despite a dragging climactic battle involving the English Navy, and the cheesy seventies porno-type soundtrack, this is topnotch 007 through-and-through.

THE GREATEST

title: THE GREATEST

year: 1977

cast: Mohammad Ali, Ernest Borgnine, Robert Duvall

rating: **

In 1977 Mohammad Ali wasn't only a boxing champion, he was a personality. His confidence and poetic rants made people smile, sometimes in disbelief.

So they decided, instead of creating a documentary, to allow him to star in a film covering his lean hungry youth, when he went by the name Cassius Clay, to his rise as "the greatest boxer in the world".

Another somewhat dependable actor plays a teenage Ali, but then we switch to the real thing much too soon. When this was shot, Ali was a man who seemed mellow and tired i.e. nearing the end of his game. An iconic millionaire playing a hungry climber is not only misplaced, but at times downright embarrassing.

While he does have a graceful, laidback charm, and it's fun seeing him interact with real actors like Ernest Borgnine and Robert Duvall, the film, in cutting from excerpts of actual fights back to the movie-at-hand, feels spotty and contrived.

This is Ali's personal propaganda for his life and name-changing Muslim faith and the hardships against the white man, all played out like something you'd see on television. And the last fifteen minutes, as Ali jogs to a Bill Conti-like score before the final bout, it's obvious that without Sly Stallone's blockbuster ROCKY the year before, THE GREATEST would never have been made: at least not in this fashion.

THE LONGEST YARD (BURT REYNOLDS)

year: 1974 cast: Burt Reynolds, Eddie Albert, James Hampton, Richard Kiel rating: ****

Having experienced the many Burt Reynolds road flicks throughout the mid/late seventies and early eighties, you'd expect him to, in the very beginning as he's being chased by cops in a stolen hot rod, get away and avoid all punishment. Nothing doing.

Burt, playing a has-been football star, is sent to a backwards Florida work-camp where he's called upon by a power hungry warden (Eddie Albert) to start a team of convicts: who end up challenging the prison guard semi-pro outfit with a start-up game.

The best scenes involve Reynolds and manager James Hampton interviewing each brute as possible team members; the gritty moments before the plot's underway as Reynolds survives the swampy chain-gang; or the end game itself shown on split-screen like Robert Altman's M*A*S*H.

But things never get too intense or realistic as the entire film... despite some seriousness and creepiness (thanks to prison rat Charles Tyner)... remains with a knowing, comfortable wink: the template of Burt's work to come.

SCORCHY

title: SCORCHY

year: 1978

cast: Connie Stevens, William Smith

rating: ***1/2

Here we have a woman with layers. Sexy, sultry Connie Stevens can daylight as a cop and moonlight as a drug-smuggler as she thwarts an operation entailing heroin hidden in antiques imported from Greece to America, that is, when she's not swimming naked or bedding down Greg Evigan she's kicking ass and taking names: like Ceaser Danova, providing the top villain spot... although its William Smith as the menacing henchman she really contends with: especially during an incredible chase where, on a city street, she just happens upon a dune buggy with keys inside. Stevens is perfectly cast here; she's got all the juice to make this lemon shine. But despite the cornball factor, this airhead actioneer really has it all: including a techno soundtrack that was either re-dubbed years later during the Miami Vice craze or, for better or worse, was very ahead of its time. And Stevens, after a steamy sex scene turned deadly, provides a screaming-pig's squeal that'd make the late Bill McKinney proud.

REVOLVER

title: REVOLVER

year: 1973

cast: Oliver Reed, Fabio Testi

rating: **1/2

A promising, clever premise of a government official, played by the genuinely tough Oliver Reed, who surreptitiously allows a prisoner to escape and quickly abducts him as exchange for his kidnapped wife, almost succeeds. While there are a few great moments, some involving the convict, Fabio Testi, showing gruff Reed (described as "a dog without a home") the ways of thiefdom... which should have been more of the film... the side characters, like a popular folk musician strangely connected to the bad guys and long bouts of plodding (badly looped) dialog, muddle the lean storyline. Reed, with a scowling catfish countenance, is more than watchable, while Testi's much too pretty as a believable challenger. Although their ultimate camaraderie, which builds throughout, seems genuine and works for the poignant climax. Iconic composer Ennio Morricone, known for his usually intense Spaghetti-Western soundtracks, provides a flowery, dated score more befitting a frolicking light comedy.

ALWAYS

title: ALWAYS
year: 1989
cast: Richard Dreyfuss, Holly Hunter, Brad Johnson
rating: *1/2

During the 1970’s, Steven Spielberg and Richard Dreyfuss made a great team. The intense little actor played a likable shark expert in JAWS and a suburban alien-obsessed dad in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND... Ten years later, they attempt to rekindle that magic. And although there’s some good use of The Spielberg Touch… flowing camerawork weaving in and out of glorious special effects… this is a romance that tries too hard to pull heartstrings.

Dreyfuss and sidekick John Goodman are firefighting pilots with a dangerous job. Dreyfuss is a daredevil who, with each venture, risks his life more than necessary. The first thirty minutes consists of Holly Hunter, Dreyfus’s girlfriend who works ground control, and Goodman trying to tell their friend he’s taking too many chances.

All this occurs between sappy dialog and the building of a relationship that wasn’t very special to begin with. That is, until Dreyfus is killed and, while wandering around a earth-based purgatory, New Age angel Audrey Hepburn gives him an afterlife mission: to help a handsome young pilot, Brad Johnson, earn his wings.

Johnson’s true aim is to win over Holly Hunter – turning an interesting twist into a wasted subplot. Dreyfuss, as a ghost, seems more like a creepy stalker, placing thoughts into people’s minds to maneuver their choices – especially Hunter, who he won’t let go of.

Meanwhile, he reluctantly helps Johnson… who unsuccessfully balances a suave yet dorky character… become a great pilot.

Holly Hunter, while being a cute, spunky actress, is miscast as an ingénue every man desires. Goodman does his usual fat funny guy, but to an annoying level – he and everyone else seem to be playing for opening night audiences.

Dreyfus goes so overboard with forced sentimentality you’ll wish the shark had got him or that those aliens never brought him home. The Ariel shots, while filmed beautifully (especially the pivotal death scene), are simply used as breaks from an overlong Hallmark Card.

And the best news, Steven Spielberg would thankfully end his creative mid-life crisis with HOOK and get back to business at hand.

ONE MILLION AC/DC

title: ONE MILLION AC/DC

year: 1969

cast: Gary Kent

camp value: ***

If the entire movie centered on caveman stud Olaf (Gary Kent) sauntering in and out of the cave trying to kill the plastic toy T-REX with a bow and arrow instead of various scenes of pointless in-and-out, this would have been a great grade Z-cheapie. The myriad of full frontal sexual writhing gets tiresome, and there's simply too much of it, although the orgy where prehistoric men are drinking wine out of coffee cups with handles, and their women are feeding them grapes, is good because there's horrible "acting" involved. But the plastic toy T-REX "monster," obviously being moved around by someone's hand and on the verge of falling over, makes this one a complete howler. Not to forget an unbelievable scene where Olaf and his girl walk in front of the camera and sing to the tune of "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" with the words "The Spear Goes into the Monster" repeated until the clincher... "The Monster Loses His Mind": possibly the greatest twenty seconds ever captured on film that you can now enjoy...