YOGI BEAR

title: YOGI BEAR
year: 2011
cast: Dan Aykroyd, Justin Timberlake, Tom Cavanagh, Anna Faris
rating: *

A reboot usually refers to when a computer goes bad, and in order to get things back in place, you restart it and hopefully, it'll work like before. But with movies, rebooting often does the opposite, messing up what worked just fine. Here we have a classic children's television show centering on Yogi, a walking/talking bear and his counterpart, Boo-Boo. At every turn, Yogi, native to Jellystone Park, steals picnic baskets and is hassled by Ranger Smith, an uptight grownup who, in the cartoon, made for a terrific foil. But here he's a broodingly sarcastic young-looking fellow who should be hanging out at a yuppie pool hall, and our furry stars, who only yearn for those baskets during the first ten minutes, are merely backdrop to a lame story involving the ranger shyly romancing a blond documentary filmmaker, and a duo of corporate goons wanting to shut down the park. So this reboot, like several others out there, are taking something cornily nostalgic and playing them tongue and cheek, with one foot off the proverbial bed, to avoid being silly like the original, but in that, are missing everything that was endearing and entertaining enough to, three decades later, base a film on. Dan Aykroyd, voicing Yogi, seems to be doing an imitation, but Justin Timberlake does a good enough job you forget it's him. Sad thing, neither creature adds much here, and look so computer-animated they don't seem real at all. Then again, either does anything, or anyone, else. And there's a new brand of sarcasm out there, difficult to explain... it's kind of deadpan, providing a muted punchline born from a dull sense of missed expectation. It occurs in droves here, and many other contemporary comedies; and please, for the love of God, enough already!

THE HOT SPOT

title: THE HOT SPOT
year: 1990
cast: Don Johnson, Virginia Madsen, Jennifer Connelly, Jack Nance
rating: ***1/2

Night and shadows, the staple of Film Noir, is replaced with sun and sweat. And there's a whole lot of both here, and some fire for good measure. Don Johnson does a nice job in the quiet handsome stranger in a strange land role. He plays a subtle criminal, ultimately the pawn, who goes to a small town to stake out a bank. To remain inconspicuous, he gets a job in a car lot, meets his boss's snaky wife, played by Virginia Madsen, and reluctantly falls into her web. He'd rather be with the young, seemingly-innocent secretary played by Jennifer Connelly, enveloped in a rapturously chaste sexuality. But Madsen wants Don for herself... and will do anything to keep him. The deliberately slow pace is involving, although the final twist, as some people aren’t as innocent as they seem, isn’t very satisfying. But director Dennis Hopper keeps the melodrama sizzling throughout, and of all the players, Madsen stands out as the bored moll with a one-track mind for trouble.

THE DION BROTHERS

title: THE DION BROTHERS
year: 1974
cast: Stacy Keach, Frederic, Forrest, Robert Romanus, Denny Miller
rating: ***

THE DION BROTHERS, originally titled THE GRAVY TRAIN, if taken as a serious crime film, seems kinda bad at first; even, at times, embarrassing. Terrence Malick and co-writer Bill Kerby's script is riddled with cliches, and the characters banter the words like a mediocre Las Vegas standup act. But when you realize it's a comedy/action buddy team-up, it's apparent they knew what they were doing: creating a fun, and sporadically gritty, heist flick. Frederic Forrest and Stacy Keach are blue collar brothers from West Virginia. Keach has moved to Washington DC and is a con-man in the Insurance Industry i.e. a guy who wants to get rich quick. Forrest is an ex-convict working in a coal mine who joins Keach and some other slackers (including Denny Miller and Robert Romanus) to rob an armored truck, which, like all heist films, doesn't go as planned. The last half consists of the Dion Brothers, a cross between Laurel/Hardy and Dillinger/Nelson, escaping police and mob assassins at every turn. The two leads, both terrific actors, get better as the film itself improves during the third act: when the situation gets more and more desperate. And tough guy actor/director Jack Starrett guides the few actions scenes nicely, resulting in a terrific old-school shootout reminiscent of the classic gangster movies: where crime doesn't pay.

SSSSSSS

year: 1973 cast: Strother Martin, Dirk Benedict, Heather Menzies, Reb Brown rating: ****

The title makes and breaks this picture. It's cheesy and funny and hokey and silly. Not the movie, the title: and that's the problem.

SSSSSSS is actually quite good, genuinely entertaining, with some terrific performances headlined by Strother Martin as a mad scientist who's actually down-to-earth, docile and friendly but has a sinister agenda: hence Dirk Benedict as the med-student being given supposedly standard inoculations. 

Terrific side-roles by Heather Menzies ("Piranha") as the doc's faithful daughter; underrated character-actor Richard B. Schull as his droll collegiate nemesis; Reb Brown as a bully jock; Tim O'Conner as a circus owner and some real life snakes including a cobra, black mamba and boa constrictor all add up to a film that slithers with ease and perfection from one situation to the next, building to an inevitable and awarding conclusion.

HARDCORE (GEORGE C. SCOTT)

year: 1979 cast: George C. Scott, Season Hubley, Peter Boyle rating: ***1/2

George C. Scott is a straight-laced Midwestern businessman with an innocent, virginal daughter who, while on a church trip to California, disappears. He hires a street-smart L.A. private eye, Peter Boyle, who "informs" him his daughter is a porn atress.

After a few weeks, Scott ventures to California and in doing so wanders the streets going from porn stores to brothels. The film loses some validity when Scott, having shed Boyle as employee, goes undercover as a would-be-producer, weeding out young actors who might give him information. Although this pivotal section is entertaining, even funny, it trivializes the subject-at-hand, curtailing the essential danger of the quest.

The best part is act three, when Scott pays prostitute/porn actress Season Hubley to help him in his search. Their dialog, as we get comparisons of two completely different human beings – the Calvinist and the whore, both alike in their aloof indifference to society – brings a philosophical to the forefront.

But most of the time, much like William Freidkin's CRUISING, we don't get as involved or inside the underworld as we're led to believe. The voyeuristic camera seems mounted to the wall of many scenes – often more seductive than revealing. And the climax, involving Scott beating up the bad guy, is way too typical.

It's the contrasting, and ultimately connecting, dialog between Scott and Hubley that permeates most of this little-known Paul Schrader film, similar in theme (stranger in a strange land befriending a world-weary hooker) to Schrader's script TAXI DRIVER.

George C. Scott getting bounced by Reb Brown in HARDCORE

BAD TEACHER

title: BAD TEACHER
year: 2011
cast: Cameron Diaz, Jason Segal, Lucy Punch, Justin Timberlake
rating: *

While most “dark comedies” center on goofy characters within a gritty, unpredictable setting, this is the opposite. Cameron Diaz is a crude, brutally honest teacher in a squeaky clean school full of banal kids, geeky teachers, and a geeky principle right out of a bizarro world Norman Rockwell painting. This is the first of many problems as the campus and characters, with the exception of the usually dependable Jason Segal as a sarcastic P.E. teacher, are too “good” to be realistic: making Diaz’s badness seem forced, bitter and unlikable (who wouldn't hate this school?). Lucy Punch, as the arch enemy teacher, so perfect she’s on the verge of a mental breakdown, and Justin Timberlake, an ueber sensitive sub, are too cartoonish to be worthy targets of antihero Diaz, too pissed off at everything, and everyone, to be funny: we never feel her frustration, an essential element in any comedy film. The plot has Diaz wanting to marry rich, and trust-fund Timberlake fits the bill. But he's so overboard as a dweeb, the means to an end seems like a waste of time… which is most of the film: Diaz figuring out how to illegally earn enough money for a boob job (while we know who she'll fall for in the end). And the jokes, mostly aimed at everyone not as open and crude as Diaz, just aren’t funny. But she tries her best – it’s the writing and direction, with pockets of embarrassingly awkward moments for the characters and the audience, that earns this one a deserving F minus.

STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE

title: STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE
year: 1979
cast: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelly, James Doohan
rating: **

Director Robert Wise brings to the big screen the beloved characters from the classic '60s sci-fi TV show that, although it didn't last very long, snowballed into an even larger cult following throughout the '70s, enough to merit a motion picture: too bad it had to be this one. William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk returns to the Enterprise with a solemn, angry air, as does McCoy, even grumpier than Kirk... And finally Spock, duller than even a Vulcan should be... As they set out to intercept a giant mysterious cloud destined to blow up earth. A boring side-story involves the new young Enterprise commander, played by Stephen Collins, and a very sexy bald woman who's as grumpy as the rest of the cast... especially when she becomes a robot, or something possibly non-human. And most of the film has the crew standing on the bridge, gazing out in awed-wonderment at all the expensive, and impressive, special effects: the only thing somewhat worthwhile. But the eye-candy gets stale quick since there's nothing "solid" to chase it with, and we're finally led to a limp twist ending that tries hard for Kubrick-eque wonderment but ends of pretentiously stale. If this were a condensed forty-five minute episode of the original series, it'd still be a throwaway, lacking the mysteriously brainy chess match aura that made the show so endearing, interesting, and fun. Kirk, having no chance at outsmarting this particularly formidable "alien,” must simply learn about it... so where's the challenge? (And JOURNEY HERE to an interview with writer Alan Dean Foster about the origin of this film.)

STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN

title: STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN
year: 1982
cast: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Ricardo Montalban, DeForest Kelly
rating: ****

What makes this the best of the Star Trek films, featuring the cast of the original television series, is not only the villain, played wonderfully by Ricardo Montalban, returning as the character "Khan" from a particularly beloved episode (“The Space Seeds”): but the fact there's a real challenge for Captain Kirk. An important aspect of any key Trek plot is how Kirk and crew... as one mind and body with various traits all serving a single frame... has to overcome an impending element out to destroy them. There's no attempt to save the human race or an over-done sense of awe like the first movie, but rather, a head-to-head grapple based on pure vengeance that doesn't neglect the mental element essential to the franchise. There's a perfect mix of brain and brawn and a side-story involving Chekov and his new Captain, played by Paul Winfield, adds a nifty peripheral factor. The only drawback is the far-fetched "Genesis" project, and while it's extremely important to the plot, for some reason, with all the fun of watching Kirk and Khan as loggerheads, doesn't mean much in the end.

STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK

title: STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK
year: 1984
cast: William Shatner, DeForest Kelly, Christopher Lloyd, Leonard Nimoy
rating: ***

It’s said every other (original cast) Star Trek movie is good, beginning with WRATH OF KHAN. So with that rock-skipping theory in place, the only good Trek movies are 2, 4, and 6. This is only partially true. That is, parts 1 and 5 are horrible. But part 3, while merely serving as a wedge between 2 and 4, has some terrifically intense moments: like the crew "stealing" the Enterprise from dry-dock; or a Vulcan, having lined up three people, walks behind them and chooses which to kill. The lack of Spock throughout most of the film gives other characters a chance to shine a bit: Sulu beating up a six foot bully soldier is a hoot and McCoy, moved to second-banana, gets particularly more attention as he channels Spock's personality, turning him into a punch-drunk "spaced-out" loon (what Spock would become in part four). Christopher Lloyd, as a menacing rogue Klingon, is almost too perfectly cast (and somewhat dated today); and sure, he overacts a bit... but it's Star Trek! Plot has the crew out to find Spock's body that was left in a coffin on the "Genesis" planet, all the while battling Lloyd who really wants it. And the whole "Genesis" concept, introduced in part two, is a bit far-fetched even for sci-fi... But seeing this sublime invention destroy itself lends more believability to the entire concept (the bigger they are, the harder they fall). Directed by Leonard Nimoy, this outing, although really just filler, isn't bad at all... even though, at times borrowing from the (original) Star Wars universe: like when McCoy's looking for illegal transport in a cantina full of strange-looking aliens; or Lloyd's pet monster-hell-dog, seeming right out of Jabba's palace. And the last twenty minutes, showing in detail the Vulcan ritual in bringing Spock back to life, gets boring and is suited for hardcore Trekkies only. But despite the flaws, this is a decent enough entry that blows the every-other theory to smithereens.

STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME

title: STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME
year: 1986
cast: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelly, Walter Koenig
rating: ****

The concept of humpback whales saving the planet is hokey and, at times, downright environmentally preachy, but one of the great things about part four is the entire cast getting their own special time on screen, filling out their abilities like in no other Trek film. Our story begins with an odd spaceship resembling a giant link-sausage carrying an illuminating fooz-ball, trying to read the oceans to make contact with what Kirk and Spock realize are extinct humpback whales. So the crew must go back in time (by circling the sun... not an easy feat) to the 20th century/mid-eighties to find the whales and bring them home before the vessel blows up earth. The cast then takes to the streets of modern day San Fransisco and not only must find the whales (in a pubic aquarium), but a container in which to hold the “beasties” with something nuclear to fix the Klingon ship inherited from the previous film. In this thoroughly involving urban journey we get to know the side-characters like never before – for instance, Scotty trying to communicate with a computer by speaking into the mouse is hilarious. William Shatner's acting is less contrived, his speech not as halting, and it’s possible his best performance in all the Trek films. The moments where Kirk plays off Spock, punchy from having been resurrected in the last outing, are hilarious. And Catherine Hicks, as a pretty and uptight whale researcher, is a terrific, non-forced addition – and we get to see Kirk's famous ability with the ladies at a more mature, genuine level. The highly progressed 23rd Century humans dealing with 20th century chumps is not only fun but downright insightful (kind of how Spock sees humans in the 23rd century). The climax-before-the-climax, as they rescue a dying Chekov from a hospital is a real treat – especially as McCoy critiques our "medieval" surgical methods. And while WRATH is, technically, the best of the series, this one's a personal favorite and the peak of the franchise.

STAR TREK V & VI

title: STAR TREK V: THE NEW FRONTIER
year: 1989
cast: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelly, Nichelle Nichols
rating: *

This review not only contains major spoilers (so if you haven’t seen the movie, stop reading), but will serve as a Cliff Notes for the entire film, because in order to pass on how bad it is, the only way to do so is to relive a few horrible moments: First, Captain Kirk, with toupee and tubby gut, is rock climbing Yosemete's El Capitan. Spock meets him halfway riding on a floating skateboard-like hovercraft. Kirk falls and Spock flies down, catches him inches before Kirk hits the ground head-first. Later, that night, Spock, Kirk and McCoy are eating beans around a campfire. Spock likes the beans. Then, Kirk and McCoy sing: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” and want Spock to join in on the three-way harmony. Spock doesn't want to sing. And later-later that night, he disagrees: "But life isn't but a dream, Captain.” Cut to: A renegade Vulcan, who happens to be Spock's half brother, leads a revolt on a sandy planet – taking hostages. The crew of the enterprise land on the planet, and an aged Uhura lures the natives with her bare legs. But they can't trick the brother, who claims he can find God. He kidnaps the crew and the Enterprise. They go to a planet where a big bearded apparition, claiming to be God, spits fire at Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. Spock's sibling, realizing it isn't God – but is really a form of himself – joins with the apparition in order to destroy it and sparks fly. Then, after stuff happens too complicated to explain involving Klingons who resemble Lorenzo Lamas... The Three Amigos – Kirk, Spock and McCoy – return to Yosemite (Kirk wearing a GO CLIMB A ROCK T-shirt). And with Spock playing some kind of funky Vulcan guitar, they sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat” again: this time with all three harmonizing as the credits roll.


title: STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY
year: 1991
cast: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelly, Christopher Plummer
rating: **1/2

Not a terrible movie, but seemed too much like "The Next Generation" or "Deep Space Nine" in its 90's squeaky-clean-TV special-effects, and everything seemed like a modern commentary on politics, bringing the viewer out of the 23rd Century: like Spock mentioning Richard Nixon. The Klingons quoting Shakespeare (hence the title) and their benign planet way-too-obviously representing the just-fallen Soviet Union. Other distractions include: Sulu as the captain of his own ship, a pointlessly intrusive cameo by Christian Slater, the fact it became a falsely accused/courtroom drama more than a mission of any kind, and the feeling that the original cast are going through the motions. They should've called it quits after THE VOYAGE HOME.

GOING APE!

title: GOING APE!
year: 1981
cast: Tony Danza, Danny DeVito, Stacey Nelkin
rating: *

Not only is this an awful movie, it's sluggish and uncomfortable. Attempting to ride the Simian coattails of the popular Clint Eastwood ANY WHICH WAY flicks, we have pointless bachelor Tony Danza inheriting three orangutans from his deceased father, a once great, highly successful circus performer. If Tony keeps the frolicking, troublesome trio in his apartment for over a year, he gets a million dollars. Meanwhile, thugs want him to fail, and attempt killing the apes. Too much running around takes away from the orangutans, providing a few basic tricks and facial expressions but are merely background to the lame thug antics and a plethora of uninteresting and unfunny side-characters including fellow TAXI star Danny DeVito as "Lazlo," helping Danza maintain along with Stacey Nelkin as Danza's flustered girlfriend and her uptight mother, Jessica Walter, who, along with everyone else, must have lost a bet to appear in this turkey.

HELLS ANGELS ON WHEELS

title: HELLS ANGELS ON WHEELS
year: 1967
cast: Adam Roarke, Jack Nicholson, Sabrina Scharf, Jack Starrett, Jana Taylor
rating: ***1/2

A young pre-EASY RIDER Jack Nicholson delivers a terrifically subtle performance as a passive gas station attendant joining ranks with the Hell's Angels, but the real credit goes to Adam Roarke, a cult actor who appeared in other underdog classics such as FROGS and DIRTY LARRY CRAZY MARY, and how natural he is on screen. While he's not big and burly, his slowburn, devil-may-care attitude is just right here: a wily cockiness making him the perfect centerpiece of a biker movie that delivers much more (thanks to director Richard Rush and cinematographer Laslo Kovacs) than you'd expect from the usually vapid genre. After a beautifully shot opening credit sequence involving the hogs cruising down the open highway, and then barraging into a small town, the real story develops through Nicholson's character getting more involved with the nefarious rollers. A developing romance between Jack and free-loving Sabrina Scharf adds a legitimate love story that doesn't slow down the pace. And the fact she still digs Roarke, no matter how many other chicks he enjoys on the side, makes our vulnerable protagonist realize how the biker life might not be for him. This is the epitome of a low-budget drive-in flick with everything: including some pretty risque scenes (and situations) for the time which, although was quite normal in the biker culture, still had a few years to catch up on screen.

THE WORLD'S GREATEST ATHLETE

year: 1973 cast: Jan-Michael Vincent, John Amos, Tim Conway rating: ***1/2

John Amos and Tim Conway, the most strangely cast comedic duo in history, are coaches at a loser junior college full of extremely inept athletes: making the team from GUS seem like professionals. The duo take a trip to Africa and find the greatest athlete in the world... and get this, he's white!

A young ripped Jan-Michael Vincent plays Nanu, a monotone-speaking Tarzan who Amos and Conway trick into returning to the States to monopolize the school's teams... and gain them a reputation as awesome coaches.

There are really no strong antagonists like most Disney films, just a selfish businessmen (and his son), and a witch doctor who causes Vincent to lose his athletic abilities for a while.

Tim Conway has one solo scene as he's shrunk to the size of an insect and has to escape from a martini glass, but mostly the film centers on Amos, Vincent, and a huge loveable tiger.

HIGH ANXIETY

year: 1977 cast: Mel Brooks, Harvey Korman, Cloris Leachman rating: ***

Mel Brooks sends-up all things Hitchcock in a film that's more entertaining than funny. You can't help but to get involved in the story of a new head shrink (Brooks) of a crooked insane asylum who has an extreme fear of heights.

From one situation to the next, this parody encompasses "Vertigo", "Psycho", "The Birds", "Frenzy", and all the (other) Hitch-flicks that has the main character being falsely accused of murder.

Homage-driven jabs at Alfred H's signature camera shots and dramatic musical scores are the funniest. Somewhere between "Blazing Saddles" (as the high-point) and "History of the World" (as a semi low-point), this movie has a cozy place within the Mel Brooks canon.

Nothing gained, nothing lost. But you'll enjoy the ride, especially with Cloris Leachman and Harvey Korman going over-the-top, on purpose, like only they can.

AGAINST ALL ODDS

title: AGAINST ALL ODDS
year: 1984
cast: Jeff Bridges, Rachel Ward, Jeff Bridges, Richard Widmark
rating: ***

A glossy, somewhat involving 1984 remake of the Film Noir classic OUT OF THE PAST is, other than the main plot, entirely different than its predecessor. And in three acts… like three movies in one… only two work successfully. Jeff Bridges is an injured pro football player who wants his job back, and, without a worthy gig and living a pointless, loveless existence, he takes shifty gambler James Wood’s job to find his missing girlfriend. This is the second act: Bridges seeking the mysterious, extremely gorgeous Rachel Ward in Mexico – and when he finds her, they quickly fall in love; after all, both are attractive, so why not? This is what the movie’s known for: the steamy jungle love scenes between the two stars. And while the audience, and both characters, know they’re in danger, James Wood’s presence, and any underlying threat, isn’t there to add intrigue to the forbidden romance: except one fight against hefty football coach Alex Karras. But when Ward disappears, and Bridges returns home, the pace picks up – the Noir origins playing out in a neatly constructed, fitfully confusing maze of a pawn caught between something neither he, or the audience, understands till the end: which is a satisfying, and surprisingly optimistic, conclusion. And the famous Phil Collins title track, a much bigger hit than the movie itself, plays during the end credits, although variations of the chorus glide in sporadically during love scenes.

MR. POPPER'S PENQUINS

title: MR. POPPER'S PENGUINS
year: 2011
cast: Jim Carrey
rating: ***

As the weekend’s market is cornered by GREEN LANTERN and residual viewings of SUPER 8 and X-MEN: FIRST CLASS, this one slips under the radar, looking like an awful Jim Carrey vehicle about a corporate buyer named Popper who inherits penguins, keeping them in his New York City apartment. But it’s actually pretty good. Carrey, who's slowed down in the physical comedy department, is quick enough with put-upon reactions, delivered in droves since the penguins, left by his world-travelling father, are a lots of trouble. Computer-animated, they look quite real, although their humanized mannerisms are completely unbelievable. So to survive this mild-mannered romp both kids and adults can enjoy, you have to suspend disbelief from the start. The antagonist, a zoo keeper with shady intentions, is a reminder that something will go wrong. But it’s the penguins, and their turning Carrey’s apartment into a chilly shambles, that’s the most fun. And side characters including his quirky British secretary who uses the word “P” at least three times per sentence, a pretty ex-wife, and his two children (a happy young boy and a depressed teen girl)… the latter Popper’s reason to keep the penguins in the first place… are reminiscent of an old-school happy-go-lucky kid’s flick And a short featuring ICE AGE’s Scrat (the squirrel), and his unrelenting quest for an acorn causing global alterations, is a nice plus.

PIRANHA (2010)

title: PIRANHA
year: 2010
cast: Elizabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, Steven R. McQueen, Ving Rhames
rating: ***

This, a remake in creature name only, more properly described a revision, does what any purposely campy horror movie needs doing: serves up a bevy of characters deserving to (and that the audience anticipates seeing) die horribly: in this case being torn to shreds by killer fish that, because of an earthquake opening a rock shelf beneath a popular party lake, set the fanged fiends free to munch on anyone in the water. Their main course consists of investigating scientists and best of all, a boatload of GIRLS GONE WILD cast and crew. The lead protagonist, a teenage son of the local Sheriff (Elizabeth Shue), happens on board with his would-be love interest. The boat, docked in an isolated spot away from the fish-laden area, is safe for a while, letting us know the characters before the piranha hone in. On the peripheral (and soon on board) are his little brother and sister, who he’s supposed to be babysitting – adding the same children-in-distress element Joe Dante’s original had with the camp kids at the river. While not coming close to the Dante (Roger Corman produced) classic, it succeeds in doing its own thing its own way. And as that film’s basis was a parody of JAWS, this begins with Richard Dreyfuss as “Matt” (singing “Show Me The Way To Go Home”), not so lucky this time around. And while the original, because of the low budget, succeeded with character-development and implied suspense (like JAWS), this has skies the limit C.G.I. that, an hour in, when the buildup’s replaced by bloody pandemonium i.e. the big feast, becomes a standard gore fest but with at least a few characters worth saving.

THE GLOVE

title: THE GLOVE
year: 1979
cast: John Saxon, Rosey Grier
rating: ***1/2

They don't make them any cooler than this. An ex-con (Rosey Grier) wears a riot glove and kills a distinct group of men in various locations. But the main character isn't Grier, it's John Saxon as a narrating gumshoe/bounty hunter who's given the task to hunt him down. Most of the film consists of Saxon's adventures: going after various criminals... which then leads to the climax verses Grier, who really isn't a bad guy and might just have a legitimate reason for his violent actions. Resembling Steve McQueen's THE HUNTER but with more grit, all in all there's never a dull moment: a neo-noir mixed with blaxploitation style violence, and in a nutshell, everything fits like a...

GREEN LANTERN

title: GREEN LANTERN
year: 2011
cast: Ryan Reynolds
rating: *

There are a few things a Superhero movie needs, that is, besides the superhero. The origin of power and how they acquire it, and a villain. This has neither. Well, not really. The tale begins in outer space, introducing another world and a big nasty alien destroying it, making one of the good aliens… a superhero in his own right… escape with an important ring. He makes for the closest planet to pass on the power, and crash lands on Earth. Meanwhile, a cocky test pilot played by Ryan Reynolds who, like Tom Cruise in TOP GUN, is a handsome hotdogger with a dead dad to live up to and can’t be trusted because of his inevitable method of screwing things up. Now for the origin of his superpowers: how does he become the Green Lantern? Much too easy. And what happens next? He’s transported to that other world (imagine if the Hulk owned a "Brite-Lite" discotheque) where he gets a quick history lesson, learns to use his powers, and then quits: all within the course of (what seems like) ten minutes. Then, upon returning to Earth as if he’d gone to a pizza parlor, he learns the Military has found the alien’s space ship, and a senator’s frustrated son, Peter Saarsgard lazily channeling John Malkovich, gains his own power – but on accident – from the same alien: turning him into a humanoid version of an overcooked pizza crust instead of a green-clad supermodel. This is a difficult, if impossible, film to review. And yet, there’s really nothing to give away or spoil, since nothing really happens. While Reynolds isn't as awful as the script, his continuous disbelief about the situation at hand gives the impression we're watching, and he's experiencing, a parody instead of the real thing. And the only plus is his method of creating various objects, from race cars to machine guns to fighter planes, to battle and/or thwart impending forces: but who he’s fighting, and why’s he’s fighting, and what he’s fighting for, remains a complete mystery. And as for the love interest: there's been deeper romances on Nickelodeon sitcoms. Better character-development too. (And now, some Ryan Reynolds for nostalgia fans, from the classic soap FIFTEEN.)

THE THRILL KILLERS

title: THE THRILL KILLERS
year: 1964
cast: Ray Dennis Steckler, Gary Kent, Liz Renay, Joe Bardo, Carolyn Brandt
rating: ****

The best thing about this glorious drive-in exploitation is a precise combination of two kinds of psychopaths, both acting completely on their own but for the same results. First: the lone killer and second: the band of killers. The solo nutjob's played by director Ray Dennis Steckler i.e. Cash Flagg as "Mag Dog Click," a snaky bald wanderer who travels around in a stolen car (after killing the driver who accepted his hitch... some thanks). Then there are the three escaped loonies from the mental ward, the biggest, toughest and most dangerous played by Gary Kent, using wide crazy eyes to full effect... and then some. A happy but ultimately unlucky couple are nightmarishly badgered by the trio; whilst another couple, sort of the main characters, deal with the same gang and eventually with Steckler, resulting in two separate climactic fights. From the frying pan into the fire back into the pan with flames all around it, this addictive celebration of enthralling violence never lets up.

RESERVOIR DOGS

year: 1991 cast: Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth rating: *****

If, before 1991, someone mentioned that a movie involving a group of hardened thugs… including Noir legend/tough guy Lawrence Tierney, Harvey Keitel, and real life ex-prisoner Eddie Bunker… sit around in a diner discussing (or listening to others discuss) Madonna songs, no one would believe it. But it took that kind of creative insanity to usher in one of the greatest modern day crime films, written and directed by a former video store employee who’d soon become an international icon.

RESERVOIR DOGS is still one of Quentin Tarantino’s best, or at least his most cutthroat and gritty cinematic achievement, evolving around a group of anonymous diamond thieves before and after a heist-gone-wrong… which we never actually witness. This implied tactic absorbs the viewer’s imagination through dialog describing it, letting us see the good, the bad, and the ugly of this wild bunch.

Audiences, mostly discovering this gem on VHS, were introduced to the auteur’s flowing dialog, nonlinear approach to storytelling, and retro-hip song selections. And while it’s hard to say who's truly the main character, an arguable debate could favor Tim Roth, who, after the first half of brilliantly bickering dialog… the cons figuring out which thug ratted to the cops about the heist… becomes a protagonist to care about i.e. a possible light at the end of a bleak tunnel (actually a warehouse) filled with brilliantly shady characters: like Steve Buscemi as the exposition-spouting, scene-stealing hopped-up jerk and Michael Madsen as the villainous heavy in a film about heavies.

The late Chris Penn, as crime boss Lawrence Tierney’s temperamental son, and Kirk Baltz, as a very unlucky cop, add color to this bloodshed of brilliance that's yet to be surpassed on such a basic, primal level. And everything's balanced by a radio station playing classic tunes, hosted by the dry genius of Steven Wright. 

Yet with all the classic lines, classic actors, and intensive situations, it’s the camaraderie between Keitel, as the most experienced of the thugs, and Roth, who’s bleeding his life away, that provides the real soul throughout.

KUNG FU PANDA 2

title: KUNG FU PANDA 2
year: 2011
cast: Jack Black
rating: *1/2

While it looks terrific in 3D… the flashbacks of Kung Fu Master Panda Po’s childhood, shown in old-school animation and weaving in and out of the computerized continuation of the successful, and entertaining, original… the sequel is pretty boring, mainly because the backstory envelopes everything here: centering on where Po (Jack Black) came from, how he fit in a basket and was found by his adopted fowl father, still running his bistro with an iron cha-ching. Dustin Hoffman’s once important teacher, Shifu, makes a quick, pointless cameo in the beginning as Po and his pals, barely making a difference to the proceedings (especially Jackie Chan, who hardly utters a syllable), travel to fight the new villain, Shen, an evil peacock with nefarious pointy-faced wolf minions. Knowing a thing or two about Po’s origins first hand, Shen holds a personal grip on our hero, who's so bogged-down by frustrated melancholy that when fight scenes occur they seem rushed – our cumbersome hero destined to return to that mushy personal quest of what happened to his parents: a yearning only “inner-peace” can quench… zzzzzz. But does it really matter from whence he came? We already know the true beginning is the first film, which this is a pale, lackluster, unfunny shadow of. So next time around… if there is a next time… progression is essential.

ROAD HOUSE (1989)

title: ROAD HOUSE
year: 1989
cast: Patrick Swayze, Ben Gazzara, Sam Elliott, Kelly Lynch
rating: ***1/2

This late-80's Patrick Swayze action vehicle has become a sort of pop culture punchline; but as bloody-knuckle entertainment goes, this is topnotch stuff. A sought-after bouncer... Swayze with cool, brooding gusto... is imported to a small town to "clean up" a seedy road house dive. And that he does, first by getting rid of the crooked employees and then beating up the particularly seedy customers who turned the place into something worse than the STAR WARS Cantina. The transition of old bar to new one hold the best scenes, but the work's only half done. For the town is owned by a Hugh Hefner gone bad millionaire played by Ben Gazzara, who not only imports all the town's booze, but has the vicious hots for Swayze's love interest. Sam Elliott, as Swayze's bouncer mentor, adds world-weary charm and classic vitality to an already kickass film.

HOT TOMORROWS

title: HOT TOMORROWS
year: 1977
cast: Ken Lerner, Ray Sharkey, Danny Elfman, Victor Argo, Orson Welles
rating: **

A Gothic WHO'S THAT KNOCKIN' AT MY DOOR has two men in their twenties: Ken Lerner, writing a cathartic novel about his dead aunt, and Ray Sharkey, who's more spontaneous than deep, hanging out and doing close to nothing. They go to a bar where Danny Elfman is singing cabaret, meet Victor Argo and Herve Velechez, then visit a funeral home, have coffee, take a tour, return to the bar, then to a diner, drive around and talk some more... mostly about death, a topic brooding Lerner's obsessed with and that Sharkey ignores. Much of the film’s dark charm is the differences between these two misplaced friends and their bickering conversations. And then, because of a sudden situation that occurs midway, Lerner's left alone with cold memories and depression, and the film peters out much too soon. Martin Brest wrote and directed this B&W super-low-budget indie right before hitting mainstream with GOING MY WAY, BEVERLY HILLS COP, MIDNIGHT RUN, and eventually his Waterloo disaster, GIGLI. And Orson Welles provides the radio announcer's voice for the cemetery, so don't expect to see him anywhere around.

GARGOYLES

year: 1973 cast: Cornel Wilde, Jennifer Salt, Scott Glenn  rating: ****

Beginning with Cornel Wilde and daughter Jennifer Salt investigating an old codger who runs a roadside-attraction, claiming to have a real find that turns out to be the skeletal remains of some kind of flying monster.

Soon a horde of unseen intruders attack from outside. Wilde, who's a demonology author who must now rethink his previous theories that he accounted as fictional, and Salt escape to a motel, but that night she's kidnapped by flying green goons… with Bernie Casey as the lead Gargoyle that, thanks to Stan Winston and Rick Baker, look authentic and creepy. So it’s up to Wilde; a local Sheriff; and a dirt bike riding Scott Glenn to save the day.

This is a dusty gem for B-movie fanatics to cherish: a nifty-paced homage of old fashion monster movies and an inspiration for latter 70’s creature features including JAWS... since we don’t see the actual menace till the last half, the implied setup builds suspense, mystery, and character-development.

And while it’s dated and downright silly at times, the end pays off nicely: with a premonition about who currently rules the earth, and who, and/or what, could one day inherit it.

TERMINATOR: SALVATION

title: TERMINATOR: SALVATION
year: 2010
cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin
rating: **

At one point, about thirty minutes in, as human survivors are being chased by a giant Terminator resembling something out of THE TRANSFORMERS franchise… thus giving birth to a lot of smaller machines, some riding motorcycles… it seems this movie isn’t so terrible. A lot of banal action within a barren, post-apocalyptic landscape which, in most movies look cheap but the computer effects give it a punch, or two. Then something happens. Actually, a lot of things: those being completely convoluted plot-points… But let’s start from the beginning: diving right in with John Conner, played by Christian Bale, who’s basically Rambo of The Resistance, fighting Skynet machines that brought the Earth to nuclear ruin. He’s out to save the world but first his father, Kyle Reese… who, played by Michael Beihn in the first film, impregnated mom while protecting her from that Arnold Schwarzenegger guy (making a computer generated cameo). If Reese dies, so does Connor. And Reese himself, a teenager played by Anton Yelchin… channeling Beihn’s over-the-top acting style perfectly… is on the run with a mute child and a muscular mystery man: Sam Worthington as Marcus, an intriguing character at first but as we learn more about him the movie hits a wall, the action taking a backseat to Marcus’s origin (is he human or robot?); and Conner, at this point residing in the peripheral, is melodramatically torn on what to do next. Meanwhile, the audience just wants some kickass rage against the machines, or a more involving, and less complicated, basis on which it occurs.

GOING HOME

title: GOING HOME
year: 1971
cast: Robert Mitchum, Jan-Michael Vincent, Sally Kirkland
rating: ***

This obscure drama, centering on a war hero, Robert Mitchum, who violently murders his wife (Sally Kirkland) witnessed by his four-year-old son, now grown-up in the form of brooding rebel Jan-Michael Vincent, is passably entertaining fare. Mitchum lives with young trailer-trash girlfriend Brenda Vaccaro, while Jan-Michael, having just returned home, seems either bent on revenge or forgiveness for his aged, yet still tough as nails, pop as they hang out bowling and drinking: making up for lost time. The best moments involve jarring situations that seem vividly real but aren't really happening (seen in Vincent's mind)... one has Mitchum destroying a pick-up-truck with a tire iron... or flashbacks viewed in present-time locations ala IN COLD BLOOD. It's a breezy character-study but without much character-development, neither Mitchum or Vincent becoming fully realized, nor their past fitfully resolved, but it's nice seeing the two steely mavericks together either way.

AMERICAN BOY

title: AMERICAN BOY
year: 1978
cast: Steven Prince, Martin Scorsese, George Memmoli
rating: ***1/2

Steven Prince, who played the gun-dealing blabbermouth "Easy Andy" in the Martin Scorsese classic TAXI DRIVER, has his hour to shine. This, a documentary involving Prince, Scorsese, and actor George Memmoli sitting around a living room, is really a glorified home movie, inserting images of the subject as a child as the nasal-voiced journeyman banters about drugs, bagels, family members, working for Neil Diamond, and a lice-seeking gorilla. Few of the diatribes are interesting while others seem like bullshit overheard in a bar. But it's during the last fifteen minutes, as Steven shares about a fatal incident involving a gun in Arizona, where things pick-up. And the standout tale of extraordinary madness involves Prince saving an overdosing girl's life by injecting her in the chest with an adrenaline shot while reading instructions on how to do so. Sound familiar, Tarantino fans? Neil Young's obscure track "Time Fades Away" envelopes the pieces nicely.